


Our angel

by LunaMoon96



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: A fic of pain and torture, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Dubious Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Gangbang, Heavy Angst, Knotting, M/M, Mating Bites, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Verse, Polyamory, Rape/Non-con Elements, Smut, Violence, Yoon Jeonghan-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 45,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25360684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaMoon96/pseuds/LunaMoon96
Summary: Jeonghan loved the members of his band, especially the alphas, yet he had no wondered what the reasons were. He just gave everything without asking for anything back.He was literally the angel of the group, the angel whom alpha Seungcheol, Joshua, Jun, Wonwoo, and Mingyu truly adored with all their hearts.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Yoon Jeonghan, Kim Mingyu/Yoon Jeonghan, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 207
Kudos: 377





	1. Unknowingly breaking down day by day

**Author's Note:**

> I suddenly come up with the idea for this fic so... hope you enjoy it ^^ 
> 
> I tried my best to think of something light but well, angst right from the first chapter :">

Jeonghan had always been a beta from the beginning of his life.

He had spent years watching the members in Seventeen present while expecting his time to come. However, as time went by, the youngest member - Chan - had finally presented last year when he turned twenty. Meanwhile, nothing happened to Jeonghan although the members had always been expecting him to become an omega. It was a common knowledge that Jeonghan was the member with the weakest health and stamina in the group. Moreover, he was notorious for his slender body, milky skin, and feminine figures. In general, Jeonghan seemed to be a perfect candidate for the role of an omega, yet he guessed fate simply did not treat him in that way.

Jeonghan was not sure which one he truly preferred to become - an alpha or an omega, but he found himself strangely disappointed by his state of being just a beta. Betas did not have a distinct scent or pheromones which could be felt by alphas and omegas. Betas could not smell the alphas or omegas either, and their pheromones had no impact on them. It was a true blessing in some ways, but Jeonghan felt it boring in his own case.

Betas were mostly attracted to each other, especially the one of the opposite gender. Certainly, there were still cases in which male betas became couples. Apart from Jeonghan, there were other two betas in the group. They were Seokmin and Minghao. Only a few days after Minghao presented, the two of them clicked in so well that they soon became a loving couple, whose relationship seemed to be consistent in a long period of time. Consequently, Jeonghan had no chance with the betas in his own group. Anyway, his heart only considered them as his younger brothers.

In Seventeen, there were also omegas who were Jihoon, Seungkwan, and Chan. Soon, all of the three omegas found their partners. Seungkwan was mated to alpha Vernon while Chan and Jihoon shared alpha Hoshi in a polyamory relationship. The latter trio was pretty chaotic and noisy in Jeonghan’s opinion, but he still found them cute, and happy to know his brothers had found the love of their lives to enjoy peace and happiness in many possible ways.

Nevertheless, things were not that favorable for the remaining alphas in the group. As a group of idols whose career was getting busier and busier along with the rise of their fame, the members did not have the chance to communicate with other people except for their bandmates. Even if they had the chance, it was still considerably risky to do that. As a result, the group faced a huge problem, which was the unbalance between the numbers of alphas and omegas. There were totally five unmated alphas who had no omega to help them get rid of the sexual frustration while they were all mature men who had ruts and worked under a lot of pressure. For sure, they would never touch Jihoon, Seungkwan or Chan, because those were mated and unwilling to take more partners into their already noisy relationship. Nobody wanted to cross the line and the alphas did not want to mess with each other either.

Jeonghan was stuck in the middle.

In the end, he was too weak for the members to resist them. He could not just stand there and watch the people he loved struggle without any help.

That was the reason why people kept finding Jeonghan more and more “lazy” and criticism soon became harsher than whatever he had expected.

Jeonghan was actually not lazy. He just did not want to move much because his body was sore in most days of the week. He could be writhing under Seungcheol on Monday night, and then on Tuesday he would be pounded against the wall by his so-called best friend Joshua. It would be a great luck for him to have a few days in peace, but usually, things like that would come back quickly. Jeonghan hated the fact that Wonwoo and Mingyu were still sharing a room, which meant if one of them fucked him, the other one would not just sit there to watch. Jeonghan was often spitroasted between the two biggest alphas of the groups, ending up extremely sore and tired in the next day. Jun was quite more gentle, but he was definitely an evil alpha who always loved to tease and forced Jeonghan to reach his climax more than just one time in a night.

Jeonghan did not have much time to sleep in peace at home, so he would make use of any time he had in between his schedules to take a nap. He would love to lie down, because standing up made him more tired. His throat hurt due to letting the alphas fuck his mouth, so he did not have the opportunities to improve his singing. How could he practice singing a lot while his throat did not feel well? It was already relief when he could sing normally in their performances.

The only blessing of this whole thing was that, Jeonghan could comfortably sleep in other bedrooms where he had someone lying next to him under the cozy blanket. The alphas had never loved to have sex with Jeonghan in his room. Consequently, they always brought him to their own bedroom, using him until he was completely spent and exhausted.

Seungcheol always carefully carried Jeonghan to the bathroom to clean him up properly before tucking him under the blanket and luring him into sleep by a kiss on his forehead.

Joshua always kindly gave Jeonghan a gentle massage after sex to help his muscles relax. The tired beta easily fell asleep under his best friend’s considerate hands even though Joshua had not cleaned him up yet and he definitely could feel the thick and sticky substance inside him.

With Jun, Jeonghan had always been so tired that he passed out right after the last orgasm, having no idea how the alpha had taken care of him after that. Nonetheless, when Jeonghan woke up in the next morning, he found himself dressed in a clean shirt of the bigger man, and being squeezed tightly in his arms.

However, when Jeonghan were with Mingyu and Wonwoo, things were horrible.

He had always been overwhelmed with the two of them, but somehow he did not pass out after everything was done. They helped him clean up, and even made him a nice drink to gain back some energy. Unfortunately, that was the end of their kindness for him.

Since they shared a room with each other, their bed could not accommodate one more person. They brought Jeonghan back into his bedroom, kissing him goodnight and then leaving him alone in the cold room without any further comfort.

That was when Jeonghan cried himself to sleep, feeling being used and then thrown away by a piece of trash. No matter how hard he tried to keep them happy, he would never be their omega. He would just be passed around the circle of alphas in the group to satiate their sexual needs. Then, everything was done. They did not need him anymore.

No matter how many times they claimed to love Jeonghan, he still felt like he had been too generous, too weak for them, but ended up receiving nothing back. Why did he forget the fact that he was just a useless beta? He could never give birth to a child. He could never be as desirable as an omega. One day, if Seungcheol, or Joshua, or Jun, or Wonwoo, or Mingyu, found their fated partner, Jeonghan knew he would no longer be considered as a useful help.

Some days, Jeonghan was just too tired to feel up for sex, and he just wanted to beg the alphas not to fuck his ass so that he could sleep right away. However, Jeonghan remained weak and pathetic for the alphas, the people he loved more than anyone else in this world. They got what they wanted. Frustrated and aroused, they just proceeded to take off his close frantically, pushing him onto the bed and starting what they wanted. Jeonghan could not complain in any words or sentences. Closing his eyes in defeat, he voluntarily spread his legs for the alpha hovering above him, moaning while receiving kisses and bites across his chest which had already been decorated by countless hickeys.

Jeonghan knew some of them were very kinky or loved dirty talk while having sex, but he could never forget one thing one of them once told him in the middle of their intense moment in the hotel room.

_“You take my dick so well, baby. Dick after dick! Such a cock slut!”_

Jeonghan spent the whole night crying and trying to stop crying so that his alphas would not feel bad for hurting him in the next morning, but he just cried, cried, and cried until he passed out. Heading to the airport the next day, Jeonghan had no choice but to wear dark sunglasses to hide his puffy eyes. The alphas did apologize to him, but only thought that he cried because it physically hurt too much. They did not even know the words hurt his heart more than any other thing in this world.

Leaning against Mingyu’s shoulder and trying to fall asleep on the plane, Jeonghan told himself not to cry again, or else the alphas would suspect and drown him in questions. Nonetheless, it hurt too much. It was unendurable.

After what he had done, he was called “a cock slut.”

Pulling up the hood of his coat, Jeonghan tried to cover his own face so that no one could see the tears streaming down his cheeks.


	2. Unrequited love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They really loved him and cared about him, didn’t they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know why but writing this fic helps me get rid of some of my stress so I've finished the second chapter now. I hope you will enjoy it ^^

Although Jeonghan was the second eldest member in the group, he felt like he had lost his own authority over the younger alphas.

It was possible for Jeonghan to make the betas and omegas like Seokmin, Minghao, Jihoon, Seungkwan and Chan listen to him. However, Jeonghan’s words had no power to Jun, Wonwoo, and Mingyu. Instead, Jeonghan was the one who usually ended up cowering under the alphas’ anger or hostility sometimes. He did not know why he had become such a coward like this since he was obviously unable to feel their pheromones. To be honest, Jeonghan did not think those young alphas intentionally disobeyed him or intimidated him. Jeonghan simply wanted to avoid argument or anything that might make them upset. Thinking about it, he was not sure why he was afraid of making them upset either. He just knew he would be definitely not happy at all if one of them was not in a good mood.

That was still not the end of the problem yet. At first, Jeonghan just vaguely felt like he was being treated as if he were an omega, but it was evident now. Nobody ever expected him to stand up to protect any of them even though he voluntarily did that sometimes. Nobody complained about his lack of energy or anything. In some occasions, the alphas bickered with each other and even almost had a physical fight right in the living room at one of their shared apartments. Jeonghan happened to be there at the moment and it was shameful to admit that he watched them throw harsh words towards each other in horror.

Quarrels had never ended with a broken friendship but Jeonghan had never felt calm whenever the alphas were aggressive like this. He knew he should raise his voice and say something to stop them from arguing, as he had the rights and he was old enough to do that. Nonetheless, Jeonghan kept sinking further and further into the couch where he was sitting, feeling his heart racing violently in his chest. He just wished them to stop in utter silence, and trembled in fright when Mingyu or Wonwoo growled fiercely in frustration. Usually, things would end quickly if Seungcheol was there, but there were also times he was absent and things kept getting more and more intense until someone started to notice Jeonghan’s attitude.

It was scary at first when all of the angry alphas in the room snapped their heads to look at Jeonghan, but it was a true blessing after that, as he realized his presence could resolve their troubles. The mated alphas rapidly apologized and then left the room. Meanwhile, the other unmated ones quickly crowded Jeonghan and snuggled him while murmuring apologies, rubbing his back, massaging his shoulders, and stroking his legs to ease him from the tension. The alphas still glared at each other but at least they decided to put it aside to focus on Jeonghan, giving him the feelings of being loved and cared about.

They really loved him and cared about him, didn’t they?

Nonetheless, Jeonghan was constantly too tired to come up with a way to fix any of the problems for a better life. Instead, he chose to accept it and live with it. It was good to act like an omega anyway, especially when he was at home, like right now. As an older brother, he was supposed to be someone the younger bandmates could rely on, but currently Jeonghan was curling up on the couch, staring absentmindedly at the TV while his head was placed on Mingyu’s lap. A short while later, Joshua joined them on the couch, tugging Jeonghan’s legs onto his laps and massaging them while watching whatever was being shown on the screen. Jeonghan was sleepy and wanted to sleep. The alpha’s fingers running through his hair only caused him to feel more at ease to drift into his slumber, enjoying some free time at night.

Jeonghan woke up at the moment he felt himself being placed on a soft surface which seemed too soft to still be the couch. Opening his eyes, he was surprised to see himself in Jun’s bedroom, and he could see the back of the tall alpha who was walking towards the door to close it and then, he locked it.

Jeonghan instantly lost a heartbeat.

“No. Not today, Junnie.” He whined feebly, shifting uncomfortably. “I’m tired.”

Smiling sweetly to the beta squirming in the middle of the bed before joining, Jun climbed over to hover above the smaller body. Seeing Jeonghan’s weak protest, Jun just gently grabbed both of his wrists and pinned them down above the older male’s head. His eyes and his words still seemed tender and sweet, but the strength in those hands did not allow Jeonghan to break free.

“You don’t have to do anything, Hannie.” Jun lowered his head until his lips touched the beta’s skin on his neck, moving down to his shoulder. The commanding tone was clear in his flirty voice. “You just need to lie here and spread your legs for your alpha. I will make you feel good.”

Defeated by the command, Jeonghan bit his lips to stop himself from whining or whimpering again, and squeezed his eyes shut, desperately trying his best to relax and follow his alpha’s orders. Jeonghan knew he was unmated. He knew he had no mark on his neck, but the alphas had always claimed to be his alpha from the first day they took him until now, like how Jun had just done. It felt nice and loving to have an alpha, or some alphas for himself, but for now, it was heartbreaking.

Jeonghan hated his body, because it always reacted positively even though he did not enjoy this moment at all. It was his body which gave the alphas the chance to unintentionally degrade him with their words. Right now, Jun was fingering him while ogling his body and his facial expression with a smirk on his own face.

“Oh, did you just tell me to stop a while ago, Hannie? I wish you could see yourself now. Your little cute dick is hard and red for me. I haven’t fucked you yet. Are you eager?”

“Please… Alpha… please fuck me…” Jeonghan began to beg between heavy pants, just because he did not want to lengthen it anymore. He just wanted it to end as soon as possible, so that he could escape this and find some peace in sleep where he no longer had to think about anything.

“Don’t be impatient, baby. We still have a long night.” Jun smiled and thrust his fingers in harshly, hitting Jeonghan’s prostate and causing him to cum in a wrecked sob.

Nevertheless, Jeonghan knew the night still had not ended. Although he continued to sob due to overstimulation as Jun soon pounded into him less than a minute later, the alpha was still oblivious, thinking that his partner was just being overwhelmed in pleasure. In fact, Jeonghan was distraught and devastated. He could never enjoy sex with Jun when he was already tired, because Jun always made him terribly exhausted. No matter how much Jeonghan tried to give in soon and submit, he still got no mercy who loved to make his the person beneath him struggle with overstimulation and edge-play.

It was not abnormal when Jeonghan cried between their sex.

Jeonghan had always trusted his alphas so much that he had never established any safe word. It was just impossible to make them stop when they had already started. Like now, he had no choice but to let Jun use him as he wanted. Jeonghan could only stay still and beg the alpha to fuck him to satisfy his ego and his thirst. The more stubborn he acted, the more miserable he would be. Jeonghan had already learned this lesson. Nothing good would ever come if he failed to obey the alphas. Even if Jeonghan was uncomfortable, he would still give all of his body to them.

Because he loved them to death.

Jeonghan loved Jun, despite the fact that the said alpha was hurting him with his endless thrust and overstimulation. It took a lot of time for the beta to finally find pleasure from the dick violently hitting his prostate over and over again. Seeing the tears spilling from Jeonghan’s eyes, Jun leaned over to kiss the corner of those melancholy but beautiful eyes, trailing his lips along the wet cheek to his neck, whispering above his collarbone.

“Such a good boy, _baobei_.” Jun added the pet name in Mandarin, but Jeonghan was used to it and understood it, so his breath hitched in a second, fluttering to be called by such a loving name, but the following sentence coming from the alpha’s mouth did not sound nice to his ears anymore. “So good for your alpha. I bet no omega is as good as you. You’re so fucking delicious. I want to eat you alive every single day. I want you to walk outside with my cum inside your ass every day so that every other alpha and omega will stay away from you forever.”

Jeonghan just wanted to hear _“I love you”_ to feel a little better, to save himself out of his own thought of him just being a fuck doll to his alpha. Nevertheless, the sweet confession did not come. Jun just continued to give the beta compliments about his body, and his ability of _“taking dick so well.”_

Jeonghan usually felt okay with the knots his alphas gave him, feeling like it was a proof that showed they truly wanted a special connection with him, but tonight, his heart failed to think that positively. He only whimpered in pain when Jun knotted him after an hour of fucking him into the mattress. Jeonghan cried out because of pain, particularly uncomfortable with the huge knot inside him today, causing Jun to hurriedly hug him and soothe him with sweet coos. Nonetheless, Jeonghan was too exhausted to listen to those words. He was out like a light, lying like a boneless body in his alpha’s arms.

The night did not end there.

Jeonghan woke up again when the bigger body which was cuddling with him left the bed to open the door. It seemed like someone had just knocked it. The beta intended not to care about whoever that was, but when he saw Wonwoo at the doorframe, his whole body was instantly alarmed. There was no other reason for Wonwoo to come to Jun’s bedroom at this time. It was already midnight.

Jeonghan could not hear what the two alphas talked to each other, but he shivered in fright and whined feebly in protest as Wonwoo walked to the bed with a dark look in his eyes.

Jeonghan almost scrambled to run away from the bed, but the sore body stopped him, and the intimidating eyes of the alpha effortlessly made him immobilized. He could not do anything except for shaking his head as a silent plea for _“no more.”_

“Why do you say no to us so many times lately, Hannie?” Wonwoo pulled the blanket away while climbing on the bed, quickly leaning over to nibble the beta’s neck. “You don’t want to do this anymore?”

“No!” Jeonghan protested in panic, shaking his head vehemently. “It’s… it’s not like that. I’m just tired. Please, Wonwoo… I want to sleep.”

“Call me Alpha, baby.” Wonwoo mumbled into his ear, voice low and having a hint of anger. “You have just taken Jun’s dick and now you reject me while all you have to do is lying there and let me fuck your little ass?”

“I… I’m sorry, Alpha. I’m sorry.” Jeonghan did not know why but he quickly apologized, trying his best to hold back a sob while Wonwoo began to play with his nipples. “I was wrong… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say sorry.” Wonwoo shushed him by a deep kiss on his lips, sensual and lustful. “Your Alpha will take care of you, and make you feel good, my beautiful Hannie.”

Jeonghan knew his words had no power. He was not sure when, but the reason of being tired had already been unacceptable to his alphas. They would not listen anymore, like Wonwoo right now.

Jeonghan did not know why they had to do this, but Jun was holding both of his wrists together to stop him from moving even the slightest while Wonwoo thrust into his supple body without mercy. The tight grip on his hips promised to give him very dark bruise in the next morning, but Jeonghan knew he was not given the right to complain. Wonwoo was groaning and even growling, forcing him to submit and be a good fuck doll now. What Jeonghan hated most about sex with Wonwoo was that the alpha did not tend to speak much during sex. Whereas, what the beta needed most was an assurance of the alpha loving him as much as he loved them. No words came. Only grunts and growls of pure sexual pleasure.

Jeonghan wanted to be loved. He wanted Wonwoo to love him, yet he could not ask for it. He had to be good for his alphas.

“Look at him. So pliant and submissive for you, Wonwoo.” Jun chuckled as he watched the erotic sight. “He’s so tight, right?”

Wonwoo suddenly sped up and precisely hit Jeonghan’s prostate, making him let out a wrecked moan. Smirking in satisfaction due to the beta’s ruined state, Wonwoo growled.

“Yeah… He’s fucking tight. I can fuck him till the morning.”

“I bet he will be still tight then.” Jun smiled in an evil way, keeping Jeonghan’s wrists by only one hand so that he could roam the other hand all over the beta’s chest, flicking his oversensitive nipples. “I guess you didn’t know I have just knotted him.”

“Fuck.” Wonwoo cursed, amazed by the fact that this hole could be even this tight after being knotted.

Jeonghan wished they both could shut up.

He hated what they were talking about. It made him feel like he was not there. As if they did not even care about his feelings. It was like they were really talking about a fuck doll. He could not stop the tears from falling again, yet nobody seemed to understand. They thought he was just blissed out, and overwhelmed by pleasure.

When Wonwoo bent down to kiss him roughly on his lips, Jeonghan knew the alpha was about to reach his climax. Jeonghan wanted to wrap his arms around the alpha’s neck to hug him closely, but he could not open his mouth to beg Jun to let go of his wrists. He could not do anything, just lying there, taking and taking the brutal thrusts until he was filled by the alpha’s seeds for the second time of the night.

Jeonghan was literally crying when Wonwoo seriously had no mercy and knotted him again, stretching his entrance to its limit. He unconsciously squirmed in pain and discomfort, but the alpha was obviously annoyed by this attitude. A deep growl effortlessly made Jeonghan freeze immediately, and he was released by Jun a few seconds later.

Jeonghan heard the two alphas talking to each other, but too tired to pay much attention to the content, only knowing that Wonwoo wrapped a blanket around him to cover his body thoroughly before lifting him up. Using the little energy left in his used body, Jeonghan tried to straddle the alpha’s waist and hug him while he was brought out of Jun’s bedroom. Closing his eyes, Jeonghan could hear someone talking to Wonwoo on their way, and someone ruffling his hair gently, yet he could not care more. He was exhausted, and broken.

His tears fell on Wonwoo’s shoulder, and this was perhaps the one hundredth time he felt like they did not love him.

Wonwoo did not love him.

None of his alphas loved him.

He had always been taken advantage of in this one-sided love.

He was so stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alphas are usually like jerks in my fic :">
> 
> This fic is unlike the style of my previous fic... I guess I need this kind of short break after the whole long "Fate is unfair" and I will soon come back with another heavy and long fic like that :">
> 
> I'm sorry for delaying posting the next chapter for "Fate is unfair". It's being very close to the end so I really want to put extra effort into it so that the ending will be good enough. I hope you will patiently wait for it and please don't get mad at me for updating this fic instead of the other one T_T 
> 
> I love you!!!


	3. Punishment for betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: A lot of warning for this.
> 
> I don't want to spoil so I just warn you like this ><

Jeonghan struggled to go through the group schedule in the morning, hating the fact that his body still hurt so much, yet he still had to practice dancing in the evening. The time to rest seemed to be still far away from him, and he could not do anything except for trying to hold back a sigh. Making use of the short break in the waiting room, Jeonghan laid down on the couch, comfortably placing his head on Joshua’s lap with a phone on his hand. The alpha did not complain anything, continuing to scroll through his phone and the beta did the same. Wonwoo soon joined them on the couch, letting Jeonghan’s legs be draped over his lap while he also took out his phone. Almost everyone in the room was doing the same room; the break time was too short to sleep. They could only think of using their phones to seek for some entertainment.

All of a sudden, Jeonghan frowned deeply when his own name on the screen hit his eyes. Out of nowhere, there came an article on a forum discussing about his ambiguous relationship with a female idol in a famous girl group. Jeonghan was literally shocked, staring at the screen in disbelief before quickly scanning through the whole post and also the comments below. People who had no idea about him and that female idol in reality were giving countless evidences of him and her dating and showing their affection shamelessly in front of everyone including the fans.

Jeonghan could not believe it. He had never been able to imagine this during the whole time being good friends with that girl. They were friends, but people did not seem to understand it at all. They considered him and her to be “stupid” and “oblivious to fan’s feelings” by judging the way they acted. From the beginning until now, Jeonghan’s relationship with that female idol had been so innocent that he barely thought of covering it or hiding anything. What was wrong with being friends? Some idols of different genders were friends too but people did not gossip about them or doubt whether they were dating or not just because they acted like friends publicly on TV. Nonetheless, Jeonghan simply had not had that chance. He could not believe that he was being called out for not doing anything.

Putting his phone down and huffing, Jeonghan intended to show the article to Joshua so that he could have someone to talk about it and complain about it, but he suddenly realized something abnormal. The whole room was strangely quiet. Nobody was talking, even the talkative members like Soonyoung or Seokmin. Nervously looking around, Jeonghan saw the omegas glancing at him anxiously before leaving the room in silence. Soonyoung and Vernon soon followed their mates. However, before leaving, they whispered something to the betas, and they nodded in understanding. Seokmin and Minghao stayed, but sat closely together in a corner of the room, very far away from Jeonghan and the alphas.

Jeonghan could not feel the alphas’ pheromones, but he could sense something abnormal going on inside this room. The tension was obvious. No one looked at another one. Nobody talked. Neither Joshua nor Wonwoo touched Jeonghan or even glanced at him. Nonetheless, their faces were all dark and unreadable. In other days, Jeonghan would ask them what had happened, but now, he just gulped, feeling like they were _enraged_. The members of his group only stayed this quiet when they were mad, _extremely mad_. No matter how hard Jeonghan mentally tried to tell himself that he did not do anything wrong, he could guess they were probably being angry at him. They were using their cellphones; there was a high chance that they had seen the articles and the comments as well.

Jeonghan awkwardly and anxiously sat up, feeling that it was inappropriate for him to remain this position while both Wonwoo and Joshua were upset at him. Nevertheless, Jeonghan did not know what to do either. Should he explain to them right now? Should he apologize? Should he do something or just stay silent because the members perhaps understood him enough to trust his innocent relationship with that female idol? Why was it so hard for him to open his mouth now? Why was he so intimidated by their silence? They were just being quiet and cold. They had not even thrown a harsh word at him yet but Jeonghan already felt like his mouth was shut by an invisible force.

Before the beta could come up with any kinds of solutions, break time was over. They had to continue to work. The hectic schedules did not give Jeonghan any more chance to say anything, yet the problem lingered in his mind, disturbing him for the whole day, making him nervous to the utmost. He might be scolded by the managers. He might get into a lot of troubles because of this article. The company might force him to stop communicating with that girl, and Jeonghan would never dare to talk to anyone out of his group ever again. That girl was an alpha but people were already doubtful. It was very rare for a male beta to end up with a female alpha. It was almost impossible. What would even happen if there came a rumor which said Jeonghan was hooking up with another beta?

From that moment, the day was dreadful for Jeonghan.

He could see that all of his alphas were ignoring him.

In the waiting room or the dressing room, no alphas talked to him. The omegas and other betas did, but in a very sheepish way, as if they were afraid of being reprimanded by the unmated alphas who kept throwing death glares around the room. Jeonghan found it suffocating. There was so much tension in the group and nothing seemed to be capable of lightening those unmated alphas’ mood. Even when Jeonghan tried his best to get a seat next to one of his alphas in the van - Seungcheol this time - so as to lean against his shoulder while taking a short nap during the way to the next destination, he did not find any warmth from the leader. Seungcheol did not say a single word. He did not push Jeonghan away, yet the beta felt ashamed, as if he were being a burden.

In the practice room, Joshua did not play with him anymore.

Jun did not tease him or tell him a joke even once.

Wonwoo did not look at him at all.

Mingyu did not give him any touch, even just a light tap on his shoulder.

Even when Jeonghan was exhausted after dancing so hard, no alphas bothered to give him a bottle of water. He had no choice but to try to drag his tired body to the corner of the room to grab it by himself.

Jeonghan was seriously not ill, but he felt like he could get sick soon if this condition lasted for long. He hated it terribly when the people he loved intentionally gave him cold shoulders. He felt abandoned when they no longer acted like they cared about him. For once, Jeonghan wished they would just crowd him like sex-craving men as usual instead of giving him this kind of scary peace. The scarier thing was that other members realized where the troubles came from but nobody did anything about it. Nobody told these alphas to alter their attitude, which meant everyone was slightly mad at Jeonghan.

Ducking his head in shame, Jeonghan guessed he perhaps was really wrong this time. The fame of the whole group was going up. He would destroy everything by these kinds of rumors and he knew the members would hate him so much if he something went wrong.

With that awful mood, Jeonghan was so slow when picking up his things after the practice ended. The younger members left very quickly. Seokmin and Chan gave him some light pats on his shoulders while Seungkwan smiled to him nervously and sweetly at the same time. Jeonghan was cheered up a little thanks to his adorable younger brothers’ care, but the feelings did not last long, as they soon disappeared out of the door. Jeonghan was still slowly putting things into his back, taking his coat out, while he saw Mingyu walking towards the door.

The beta had a heartbreaking moment when he thought that Mingyu was about to leave without saying goodbye to him or even just a wave of his hand. However, he was perplexed as the tallest alpha locked the door. Inside the practice room, there was no one else except for Jeonghan, and the five unmated alphas who had been enraged for almost the whole day long.

While Jeonghan was staring at Mingyu with wide eyes in confusion, slightly intimidated by the alpha’s cold gaze, he was frightened as a hand suddenly gripped his wrist extraordinarily tightly. Jeonghan could not do anything except for falling painfully on the wooden floor as that person pulled him hard another hand shoved him to the middle of the room. The landing caused him to yelp and whimper in pain, but the physical pain was nothing in comparison with the mental shock in his mind. Startled, the beta tried to push himself up on his elbows, looking around to stare at the alphas in utter panic.

They did not give him a second to say anything.

A hard slap went down on his cheek, causing him to fall back onto the floor, feeling his skin sting and his head spinning crazily.

“This is what you give us after all, Yoon Jeonghan?” Seungcheol’s voice came somewhere above him, a hand sneaking through his hair and suddenly pulling hard, making him wince in pain. “So you’ve been shamelessly flirting with her all the time without letting us know anything? A female alpha? You’re really this slutty?”

Two bigger hands caught Jeonghan’s wrists while he was trying to sit up again. That person, who turned out to be Mingyu, cruelly helped Wonwoo to stretch the beta to lie on his back on the floor, pulling his arms over his head. Jeonghan tried to squirm and ended up crying out in fright as Mingyu used a belt to tie around his both wrists. The alpha kept them in one place, not allowing Jeonghan to even move his arms no matter how hard he tried to. At this point, the beta was in full panic, thrashing and kicking on the floor but it was not difficult at all for the strong alphas to restrain him.

When Seungcheol’s hand came to Jeonghan’s face again, he flinched instantly, thinking that the leader intended to slap him one more time, but it turned out that the alpha choked his neck, forcing him to stay still and look at him in the eyes. Seungcheol was snarling and gritting his teeth in the most feral way Jeonghan had ever seen in his life. The hand on his neck and the tie around his wrists already hurt him enough to make the tears fall down, yet no one seemed to have any mercy.

“I thought we’ve taught you better than this, Jeonghan. Isn’t it clear enough that you are _ours_?” The leader emphasized on the last word by tightening his grip. “You think you can get away from us? What the hell have you been thinking? We aren’t enough for you?”

“You really think you’re allowed to see other alphas outside us, Jeonghan?” It was Joshua’s turn to growl at the beta, a cruel hand pulling his hair violently. “This is what you give us after everything? You want to go dating? With a girl?”

As soon as Seungcheol let go of his neck, Jeonghan hurriedly gasped for air like a dying fish, but his heart raced madly in his chest when those alphas proceeded to take off his clothes, not leaving anything on his body. Jeonghan thrashed in terror again, earning another slap on his cheek, from Wonwoo this time.

“Don’t know your mistake, Jeonghan?” The alpha growled in extreme hostility, sending cold shivers up and down the beta’s spine. The way Wonwoo pulled Jeonghan’s hair was even more violent than how Joshua had done. “Why don’t you just lie there and take your punishment for your betrayal? You think someone will come here to save you?”

Jeonghan had never wanted to fight against his alphas or leave them even once, but he was scared and hurt. They used to be rough in sex, but they had never been directly violent and cruel with him like this, as if Jeonghan were not a bandmate, a friend, a lover. Shaking his head in tears, the beta helplessly whimpered in agony.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to… I didn’t… I never… I never want to leave you… I’m sorry…”

“You didn’t mean to?” Jun snickered, pushing Wonwoo to a side so that he could take the place between Jeonghan’s legs.

The beta’s breath hitched, and he shook his head vigorously, too scared of what was about to come. The fear effortlessly caused him to thrash again, which just made the alphas angrier. The growls they let out were becoming more and more fierce by seconds, as if they were true disturbed wild animals which were about to tear Jeonghan apart.

Jun gestured for Joshua and Wonwoo to help him hold the beta’s legs tightly while he pulled his own pants and boxers down, quickly pumping it to the full size, and he did not stop throwing ugly words at Jeonghan. The sweet and playful alpha Jeonghan loved was gone; there was only one mad Wen Junhui who was growling and baring his teeth at his victim.

“Please… don’t… Junnie… don’t do that to me… Please don’t…” Jeonghan cried in vain, begging between sobs and whimpers.

“Does that girl know how well you take our dicks every night? Does she know you are just a beta who loves to be fucked but can’t fuck anyone?” Ending the sentence, Jun merciless became the third person to slap Jeonghan in less than five minutes. “We’ve put up with you enough, Jeonghan. Always flirting with everyone. Are we a joke to you? You need a lesson to start behaving from now on.”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please… Alpha… No… Please!!!”

Nobody listened to his pleas.

Nobody cared about how much Jeonghan was crying, or how frightened he was. They just did what they had planned to do - punishing him for “flirting with a girl” while the beta knew better than anyone that he had never done that.

Nonetheless, it did not matter, because they did not listen to him or trust him anymore.

Mingyu had not said a single word, yet he was the first one to shove his huge dick down Jeonghan’s throat. The alpha pulled his hair hard, tugging it, forcing him to suck and do anything he could to please them. Jeonghan was unable to turn his head to watch, but he could feel the dreadful pain of Jun pounding into him without any kind of preparation. The worst thing was that, even if Jeonghan’s body was slutty enough to enjoy this, he still could never produce any slick to ease the movements. He was taken raw and dry, going through pain and emitting whimpers which were blocked by the large thing in his mouth.

Jeonghan had always thought that, Seungcheol - the leader of the group and the also the pack - would always protect him, and give him the warmest love in this life.

Jeonghan had always thought that, he could always trust his best friend who had been through ups and downs with him for years, and Joshua was the one who understood him more than anyone else.

Jeonghan had always been silly enough to think that, the naïve and silly Junnie he had doted on so much during their first days of debut had fully grown up and would be someone he could rely back on for the rest of his life.

Jeonghan had always blindly loved the coldness of Wonwoo’s appearance, feeling proud and special to be snuggled and kissed by the alpha who was usually considered to be scary or indifferent by other people.

Jeonghan had always indulged the heaven of being embraced securely in Mingyu’s arms, as he had never seen the tallest member of the group holding anyone like the way Mingyu usually held him. It was warm, safe, and peaceful.

In just a day, Jeonghan’s life was shattered into pieces as all of his beloved alphas broke his soul, his body, and his heart. They called him by all of the worst words the beta had never dared to even think of in his most terrifying nightmares. They did not care about the fact that, taking five alphas in a night was too much for a weak beta like him.

Having the little mercy for his face and not wanting other people to know that one member of SEVENTEEN had been harassed, they altered to spank him, making sure to cause him to feel the pain in the upcoming week. They used their dicks to shut his mouth, to block the screams from coming out, to stop him from apologizing and begging them to stop.

When the last alpha gave Jeonghan the punishment, the beta was already a boneless body lying limply on the floor, having nothing but tears on his face and a broken soul in his heart. The tie around his wrists was useless now, since he was too hurt, too weak, too devastated to move even a finger.

Without a word, or just a simple attempt to put his clothes back on, the alphas just left after that, turning off the light behind the backs. Seungcheol threw his own coat at Jeonghan, and three seconds later, he disappeared behind the closed door, leaving a ruined beta alone on the cold floor in the middle of the practice room.

Curling up and trembling, Jeonghan cried and sobbed for an hour in the dark room, finding no strength left in his body to go home. Everything hurt, but the worst thing was his stinging cheeks and scalp. His alphas slapped him, and pulled his hair. They literally hit him. They used violence with him.

Jeonghan found no reason to believe that they loved him anymore. No, they did not love him. Perhaps, they simply wanted to own him and they were all angry when he dared to have the thoughts of becoming someone else’s possession instead of theirs. Jeonghan had always been stupid. He had put all his heart, his trust, and his love on all the wrong people.

Jeonghan just wanted to lie here and cry forever, for the first time hating to come home although that place had been his peaceful nest for a so long time. Jeonghan had already missed it - the feeling of strange happiness and peace whenever he walked into the apartment where he was surrounded by the alphas he loved to death. That dream was gone. He had been so stupid. He had overestimated himself. He turned out to be just their little piece of entertainment and possession.

Jeonghan had been so stupid. If they truly loved him, they must have given him a bite on his neck a long time ago. Right?

Using Seungcheol’s coat like a blanket to cover himself, Jeonghan hated himself for being just a beta. If he were an omega, perhaps they would love him and want him to become their mate. Perhaps they would give him a chance. Perhaps he would be able to smell Seungcheol’s scent on this coat so as to get some imaginary comfort.

In desperation, Jeonghan tried to pick up his phone and call every of his alphas with a hope of begging them to bring him home. Nevertheless, none of them answered. He was completely ignored.

Jeonghan lied there and cried in one more hour, guessing that nobody out there even cared about the fact that he was still here, alone, hurt, and wounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For people who have just read my fic for the first time, I'm sorry if this chapter makes you uncomforble. It's just my style and I will surely torture my main character a lot ;_;
> 
> Poor Hannie T____T
> 
> Let's see what happens next after this punishment. Please feel free to let me know how you feel about this chapter ^^ 
> 
> Please take care of yourself! There has just been a new victim infected by Corona in my country after three months of peace here ;_; I'm really scared ;_;


	4. The light at the end of the tunnel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning was full of surprise for Jeonghan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic seems to be more depressing than what I planned at first, but that's fine :"> I love angst, and hope that you enjoy this chapter ^^

Jeonghan woke up in fright due to the violent slam on his bedroom door. A deep voice called his name in a dangerously angry tone, causing him to flinch while snapping his eyes open.

“Wake up, Jeonghan.” Wonwoo mumbled by the door, crossing his arms. “Breakfast time.”

The beta wanted to act quickly so as not to make the alpha angrier, but he could not find enough strength to sit up right away. With a grimace and a whimper, Jeonghan slowly pushed himself up from the bed, finding his own body ache terribly from head to toe. Even his head was spinning although he was still very slow in every movement. Jeonghan could feel Wonwoo’s intense gaze on himself, yet he had no courage to look back at the alpha. He knew it would just hurt a hundred times more if he had to see Wonwoo staring at him indifferently after they had all done to him. Jeonghan still could feel all - the slaps on his face, the grip on his neck, the spanks on his bottom, and the brutal thrusts into his entrance.

Nonetheless, Jeonghan definitely did not expect to be picked up all of a sudden. Yelping in shock, the beta hurriedly clutched to the person holding him, unintentionally catching the alpha’s eyes. In that moment, Jeonghan had nothing in his mind except for the memories of the dreadful night and images of a violent and feral Wonwoo. Trembling in utter fear and shrinking down to his smallest size, Jeonghan just wanted to jump out of Wonwoo’s arms immediately, but he was fortunately still wise enough to know it was a very stupid thing to do. Being carried in this bridal style, the beta desperately wished he could hug his alpha tightly and cry in his chest pathetically regardless of anything else in this world. However, the alpha’s eyes were cold, and the hint of anger was still evident, which effortlessly caused tears to well up in Jeonghan’s eyes.

“Still hurt?” Wonwoo asked, voice husky but slightly softer than previously.

Jeonghan nervously nodded, gulping in extreme anxiety. Nonetheless, he did not have to wait too long for the alpha’s next move. Wonwoo soon brought him to the door leading to the bathroom.

“Wash your face. Be hurry. Everyone is waiting.”

Knowing that this was a command, Jeonghan obediently nodded in silence one more time, limping into the bathroom and closed the door behind him, seeing his alpha still standing there without the slightest sign of leaving. Jeonghan was seriously scared of being surrounded by the five alphas downstairs, yet he had no choice. He was given no options in this place. Jeonghan knew he had always been stupid, right from the beginning. When SEVENTEEN was given enough rooms to sleep separately, they were still divided into two apartments. Jeonghan himself chose to live together with the five unmated alphas simply because he loved them and he did not want to stay far away from them even a bit. It would be harder to come to see them if he lived in the other apartment, although they were all in the same building.

For breakfast, he would have to eat with those alphas. Only him. There were six people in total, but right now Jeonghan just felt lonely and secluded. No one in this place was on his side now. Perhaps, Jeonghan could say that no one in the group was on his side. If they were, they would have cheered up after seeing how upset he was due to the rumor.

Finishing his task as fast as possible, Jeonghan got out of the bathroom five minutes later to see an angry Wonwoo standing in front of the door. The beta knew exactly why Wonwoo was angry, knowing that he should have been faster but he could not help it. It was impossible to move fast in this state. Jeonghan intended to apologize, yet surprisingly, the alpha did not seem to need it. He just silently bent down to scoop the smaller male up and then walked out of the bedroom to join the other members in the kitchen.

Everyone was there, but what Jeonghan noticed first was the narrowing eyes of Seungcheol and his deep frown. All of the men were staring unblinkingly at Wonwoo carrying Jeonghan into the empty chair by the dining table, yet no one was as enraged as Seungcheol was. Feeling the incredible pressure of those eyes on himself, Jeonghan ducked his head after sitting down, fiddling with his own shirt, having no idea what to do or what to say.

They were sitting around the rectangle table where Seungcheol was sitting at the position of a host and Mingyu was sitting at the opposite side. Jeonghan was sitting on the right side of Seungcheol and the beta guessed he hated it. This position was too close to the leader. Seungcheol was literally the leader of the whole pack. This position made Jeonghan feel like he was something belonging to the leader but it also made him feel like he was nothing. Next to the beta, there was Joshua, while Wonwoo and Jun were at the other side of the table.

Seungcheol was showing evident disapproval towards Wonwoo.

“We don’t dote on the person who did something wrong, Wonwoo.” The eldest alpha mumbled in annoyance, and Jeonghan could not look up to see what kind of expression Seungcheol was having on his face.

“Didn’t we agree to give him a chance to apologize?” Jun asked slowly, calming the leader down.

“He won’t realize anything if we keep treating him nicely as if nothing happened.” Seungcheol firmly stated, suddenly reaching his hand towards Jeonghan.

The beta instantly flinched and dodged, but his alpha’s hand was quick to catch his chin and forced him to look up by a harsh grip which made him wince in pain.

“Do you have something to say, Jeonghan?”

Jeonghan hated the situation he was being in. He obviously had never done anything wrong and he still knew it, but he did not have any options apart from saying sorry because that was what his alphas wanted. He would just be in huge trouble if he refused to obey them now. Seungcheol had just asked one question while gripping his chin and Jeonghan already felt threatened. No, he did not want what had happened last night to occur again. He did not want to make his alphas hate him more. If they were giving him a chance now, then perhaps they still had some mercy left for him. Jeonghan had better not ruin this opportunity.

“I’m… I’m sorry.” He stuttered, voice tiny and shaking. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you know what your fault is?” Seungcheol demanded and Jeonghan could only nod even though he actually did not know anything. He did not know. He did nothing wrong. He did not even flirt with that female idol or anyone. It was just a misunderstanding of other people and now he had to pay for it. This was unfair, but it was also useless to think of the problem in this way.

“I think that’s okay, Cheol-hyung.” Mingyu spoke for the first time and Jeonghan was absolutely heartbroken. In his mind, the puppy-like alpha had always been the one with the warmest heart among all of them, yet the fact that he had not stood up to protect him was painful. Now it seemed like he was doing that, but it was too late. Despite being let go of by Seungcheol’s hand, he still could not turn to look at the younger alpha.

“He’s crying. You know him. He won’t say sorry if he doesn’t know what he did wrong.” Mingyu added, and it was not until now did Jeonghan realize his tears were falling again.

Ah, they did not even understand him. They did not know he could do everything out of his personality to please them and make them love him as much as he loved them.

“I agree.” Joshua commented, taking a piece of tissue and handing it to the beta. “Anyway, we should let him eat and then rest. We still have schedule tonight. He won’t make it if he’s still sick.”

“Sick?” Jeonghan finally looked up at his best friend, asking in surprise while wiping his own tears. He was taken aback by his own awfully raspy voice. “Am I… Am I sick?”

“You don’t even remember that you didn’t go home last night?” Jun leaned across the table to observe the beta’s face more carefully, using a hand to check his temperature on the forehead. Jeonghan flinched when seeing the alpha raising his hand, but the action was actually tender, completely contrast to what he had been forced to witness and endure last night. The alpha’s hand caused Jeonghan to just want to lean to the touch.

He shook his head, genuinely having no idea about what his alpha was saying.

Now thinking back of it, Jeonghan suddenly realized that he had no memories about himself leaving the practice room. He only remembered he had been crying there for so long that his head ached and his eyes burned. Then, darkness came to his mind, and then when he woke up, he was already lying on his bed and Wonwoo was crossing his arms in front of him.

“After midnight, you still didn’t come home so Seungcheol and Joshua went back to the practice room to get you.” Wonwoo explained while Mingyu stood up to go back to the counters and got something. “You literally passed out there and were having a bad fever. They brought you home. We gave you a shot, and you seem to be fine now.”

For the first time, Jeonghan felt lucky to get ill at the right time. This was the last hope for him to get some pity from the alphas. He guessed they were treating him pretty nicely again because he was sick after their cruel punishment; they must be satisfied enough now and there was no need to do more. Mingyu soon came back to the table and placed in front of Jeonghan a bowl of hot porridge. There was some little pieces of meat inside and the smell was better than whatever the beta had thought of when it came to this kind of dish. The tallest alpha put a spoon into Jeonghan’s hand, patting his head before leaving that spot.

“You can only eat this before you get well. Eat it while it’s still hot.”

“Thanks.” Jeonghan tried to speak up, but he just sounded like being choked. He felt so pathetic. Even a bowl of porridge was enough to make him feel happy and loved again, as if this was a very difficult dish to cook for Mingyu.

“I also cooked some chicken soup for you.” Jun started his breakfast after making a gesture towards the kitchen counters. “If you still want to eat more after that, I will get it for you.”

Jeonghan had to used his sleeve to wipe a stream of fat tears rolling down his cheek.

“Thank you.” He croaked out, heart clenching tightly in his own chest.

Some of them gave him a few pats on his head, and then breakfast started just as normally as other days. The only difference was that Jeonghan was silent from the beginning till the end, forcing himself to swallow the food down his painful throat. The alphas had fucked his mouth last night and now he was suffering from the consequences. No matter how hard Jeonghan tried to catch up with the alphas’ speed, he was still slow, and feeling that a bowl of porridge was not enough.

Surprisingly, the alphas ate more and more slowly as well, and Jun soon asked if Jeonghan wanted to eat more when he was about to finish the porridge. Seeing the light nod, the alpha walked away to get another bowl of soup, warming Jeonghan’s heart a little more. At least, they still cared about him in this way. Trying to hold back a sigh, the beta made his brain think things were not too bad after all. He was still loved. This was definitely their love for him. Even Seungcheol, the one who seemed to be the angriest here, was watching Jeonghan eat carefully as if he were afraid that the beta would drop the spoon of make the bowl fall out of the table.

When Jeonghan finished eating his bowl of soup, he eventually realized that perhaps he was sick for real. He was seriously tired and sleepy now, which was surely not caused by the pain all over his body. Maybe the sickness made his body ache even more. They usually cleaned up together but today Jeonghan became an exception and they demanded that he went back to his room to rest. Not leaving any room for argument, Seungcheol picked the beta up and carried up back into the bedroom, making Jeonghan feel this was so ironic. They hurt him without a care of his well-being, leaving him alone in the practice room with no mercy, but then now they were taking care of considerately as if he were their little princess.

Jeonghan wished he could be their center of attention even when there was nothing wrong with his health mentally or physically. He just wanted to be loved. Nonetheless, the truth seemed to be like that they just did not want their needs to be unfulfilled. Nobody enjoyed fucking a sick body which could transmit some kind of illness to them. They had never officially discussed about this, but Jeonghan knew for sure they would beat him to death if he had sex with someone else who was not one of those five unmated alphas. He guessed they had this kind of compromise between each other too or at least he was the only one getting fucked by those alphas without the use of condom.

Jeonghan’s heart stung in tremendous pain at the thought of his alphas playing around with some other people behind his back. He was not allowed to do that, yet he knew he had no rights to interfere with their private life.

Jeonghan had been so stupid. If in the beginning they had been the ones begging for his body, then perhaps right now Jeonghan would have all of the privileges of saying _“no”_ when he did not feel for it or demanding particular things he would like them to do for him. Instead, he had pushed him into this, willingly giving his everything to them, and now in their eyes, he was nothing.

The question kept bothering Jeonghan’s mind. He could never forget the fact that they had never had the intention of giving him a bite. Seungkwan had already had his mark. So did Jihoon and Chan. Seokmin and Minghao were both betas so they could not bite each other but Jeonghan believed they were truly in love with each other. On the other hand, Jeonghan had never even heard a small discussion about his alphas giving the same thing to him. In some occasions, the beta had intentionally tried to bear his neck and showed his submission to the alpha in their heated moments to provoke their instincts to bite and claim, but nothing happened.

Jeonghan had an intense anxiety in his mind as Seungcheol was still in his bedroom while he was brushing his teeth. It was a nerve-wracking situation where he could not predict what was going to happen. After last night, Jeonghan was severely intimidated by Seungcheol although all of his alphas had hurt him, not just the leader. Fortunately, Jeonghan could let out a sign of relief since he registered that Seungcheol simply wanted to help because the alpha gave him a glass of water and some pills right after he stepped out of the bathroom.

“Take these pills. They’ll help you feel better.”

Able to detect what those pills were, Jeonghan swallowed them without any hesitation, very relieved to be given some painkillers. He was quite confused about whether Seungcheol was considering him as a person who had done something wrong or a person who was forgiven for his mistake. Previously, the leader was really scary in the kitchen, directly asking Wonwoo not to dote on Jeonghan yet now he himself was doing just the same thing. Anyway, the beta could never deny how much he loved to be treated this way, so he just let himself be brought back to bed without any complaints.

As soon as Seungcheol finished tucking Jeonghan under the thick blanket, there was a knock on the door. They barely managed to give the person outside the permission to come in before Seungkwan stormed into the room. Jeonghan was startled and froze there while the young omega ran to the bed like a flash and hugged him extremely tightly with a scream.

“Jeonghan-hyung!!! Are you sick? Oh no! Why? Oh no why didn’t anyone tell me earlier? Why??? Why???”

“Calm down, Seungkwan.” Seungcheol huffed, obviously annoyed by the omega’s attitude. “He just got a fever. He’s much better now. Don’t make a fuss like that.”

“You don’t even allow me to worry about him?” Seungkwan instantly bristled, which seemed to be strange since he rarely wanted to mess with the alphas, especially the leader. “He’s sick! I want to stay here to take care of him so that you can go away and do your things. Okay?”

Seungcheol narrowed his eyes at the omega, causing Jeonghan to feel danger approaching. Seungkwan evidently had just gulped, which meant he could feel the alpha’s anger too, but he was still sitting straight up between the leader and Jeonghan like a shield protecting the sick person. Seungcheol really hated the way Seungkwan was talking to him now, but he did not say anything back, only patting Jeonghan’s head lightly.

“Sleep well, Hannie.”

Jeonghan just wanted the alpha’s hand to stay on his hair for a bit longer.

Right after Seungcheol left, Seungkwan burst into tears as if the alpha’s disappearance had opened his floodgate. Jeonghan was literally pulled to sit up and crushed by the omega’s arms. It was not confortable because such harsh movements were hurting the beta a lot but he soon relaxed and a bit warm in his heart as the omega was hugging him and crying at the same time.

“I’m sorry! I’m really sorry Jeonghan-hyung. Please forgive me! Please forgive me!” Seungkwan was sobbing with no restraint and perhaps all the alphas could hear him speak. “I didn’t know things would be this bad! I didn’t know! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

“It isn’t your fault, Kwannie!” Jeonghan tried to calm the omega down, running a hand down his back. However, his effort failed because his voice sounded downright awful and it made the omega’s heart break even more.

“It’s really my fault! It really is!” Seungkwan suddenly lowered his voice and turned his volume down and Jeonghan was honestly not surprised. “I knew they were angry at you. I knew they would let it out all you… but… I didn’t know things would be this bad.”

Jeonghan faked a smile and chuckled.

“It’s nothing. I just got a fever. They can’t give me a fever, Kwannie.”

“Shut up!” Seungkwan choked out in anger and frustration, sounding impolite to his older bandmate but Jeonghan could not blame, knowing that the omega truly cared for him. “The smell… I didn’t know last night but now… I know what they did to you! Stop lying, hyung! I don’t allow you to do that!”

“The smell?” Jeonghan asked nervously, voice suddenly tiny again.

“You don’t have your own distinct smell but all of the worst scents are on you now. Pain, blood, sex, semen, and those alphas. You have them all on your body.”

Jeonghan had to stay silent now, having no idea what else to say because it was useless to keep lying now. Seungkwan had realized the truth. The only thing the beta could do was just murmuring softly that his body hurt and he wanted to lie down. Immediately, the omega hurriedly let go of Jeonghan, helping him to get back to a comfortable position under the blanket. Jeonghan gently pulled the omega’s arm, silently asking him to join in the cozy nap and Seungkwan easily complied. As an older brother, Jeonghan usually took care of Seungkwan but now he did not want anything but to just let the omega hug him as if he was a little brother instead. Jeonghan only wanted to be comforted and loved now. Thankfully, God still sent lovely Seungkwan here to cheer him up a little bit.

Jeonghan would not complain if all of the other omegas and betas came here to join too.

Before Seungkwan could open his mouth to ask questions, Jeonghan had stopped him by a sincere and quiet plea.

“Can you please not talk about _it_? I don’t want to.”

“Okay, okay, Hannie hyung. Whatever you want.” Seungkwan nodded repeatedly, using a hand to stroke the beta’s back in a soothing pattern, causing Jeonghan to feel peaceful and comfortable.

Nonetheless, the omega still did not give up yet. He was still sniffling and trying to apologize over and over again.

“I’m really sorry! I’m sorry! I…”

“Please stop it now, Kwannie. I don’t need you to say sorry.” Jeonghan whispered feebly, very tired of everything now, hating to hear apologies from the people he had never blamed for anything. It just made him feel bad and feel like a burden who made other people’s hearts heavy. “I just… I don’t want to hear anything related to it.”

Seungkwan deadly wanted to protest, but Jeonghan’s condition now just broke his heart and he could not bear hurting the beta’s feelings anymore. Instead, he tried his best to hug the older male, feeling the beta melting in his embrace. Jeonghan was closing his eyes as he spoke slowly, seeming to be ready to drift into sleep.

“I’m sorry, Kwannie.”

“Wha… What?” Seungkwan asked back in disbelief, thinking that he had just misheard.

“I’m sorry. I created a bad rumor for our group.” Jeonghan silently sighed, wriggling himself closer to the omega. “Our fans must be mad now.”

“Please stop that, hyung. I can’t bear listening to your apology for this. You didn’t do anything!” Seungkwan bristled again, but not because of Jeonghan. “I know you have nothing to do with her! Only the alphas are stupid. They are just too insecure and too jealous when thinking that you might love someone else.”

“They aren’t jealous or insecure.” Jeonghan answered, remaining that weak and tiny voice and closed eyes. “They are just mad at me. They’re too possessive, I guess.”

“That’s totally obscene.” Seungkwan complained. “There is literally no commitment between you and them. They can only act jealousy or possessive when there is at least a commitment between you and them.”

The omega kept repeating the phrase _“a commitment between you and them”_ , and Jeonghan knew exactly what it was. Sighing tiredly, the beta tried to swallow the lump in his own throat.

“Then I guess they’re just mad.”

“They violated you!” Seungkwan exclaimed, but soon the omega lowered his voice again, afraid that someone outside could hear this talk. They were really speaking ill of the alphas behind their backs and this was not a good thing to do. “I… I have always thought they all love you! You guys have always been so affectionate with each other! I really didn’t have any doubts about it!”

“Then have it now.” Jeonghan mumbled. “They don’t love me. Alphas don’t like betas, Kwannie.”

“I know there are alphas who love or even marry betas!”

“Then my alphas aren’t those people.”

Seungkwan sighed audibly.

“You see, you consider them as your alphas.”

It was not until now did Jeonghan realize that he had just called the unmated alphas of the group as “my alphas” while talking to his younger bandmate. It was not something he should do, but he could not take his words back. Embarrassment made him feel like his eyes were burning, as if the tears were about to fall again.

“Then understand that it’s just a one-sided love.” He tried to shrug and act like there was no big deal about this, yet this was the whole problem to him. Some people just had one partner, one mate in their whole life. Jeonghan happened to have five alphas in his heart and they just all decided to shattered his heart into pieces by taking advantage of his love for them. “If they loved me, they would have asked me to become their mate a long time ago. I’m a beta. It’s obvious that they just… want to get what they like from me. No commitment.”

“This isn’t good for you, Hannie hyung.” Seungkwan felt angry for his angelic hyung, hating how the alphas could not see how much this angel was loving them. “If you believe they don’t love you, then why don’t you just stop it? Don’t let them do this to you!”

Jeonghan sighed one more time, finally opening his eyes to look at Seungkwan, and a stream of tears slowly rolled down.

“Maybe… if I try hard enough, one day they will love me back?” His voice was shaking, and broken.

“Do they worth your love, hyung?” Seungkwan asked, absolutely heartbroken. “Don’t you think you deserve to be loved?”

“I’m just a boring beta and I don’t love anyone else.” Jeonghan stared into the omega’s eyes through a layer of tears. “What can I do now, Kwannie? It isn’t anything I can control. I can do anything to make them love me. I just can’t stop myself! I just wish I can become an omega but it just never happens! I will forever be this boring beta and no one will love me…”

“Stop that bullshit, hyung! Are you crazy? Of course many people love you! Maybe you haven’t found the correct person…”

“But I don’t want anyone else! I just want them!” Jeonghan was literally crying and sobbing now, burying his face into the omega’s chest to seek for comfort. “I want to be their omega like the way you’re Vernonie’s omega! I just want to be a good omega for them! But it doesn’t happen! It doesn’t!”

“Why do you think becoming an omega is the only solution?” Seungkwan still had not got it yet. “Have they ever talked about something like that? Why do you have such a thought?”

“I’m too bad for them!” Jeonghan continued to sob harder. “I’m… I’m just a beta… I can’t have sex with them as comfortably or easily as the omegas can… They like to knot… but I… I can’t take it… I actually can… but not frequently or twice in a night… I… I’m not good enough for them… They will love me more if I can become an omega and serve them better…”

The omega exclaimed in utter frustration.

“What the hell is wrong with you, hyung? You’re already crazy for them?”

“They wouldn’t have been mad if I were an omega… No omega male goes with a female alpha… It’s ridiculous… If I were an omega… they could get their scents and pheromones on me to keep the other alphas away from me… They can’t do that when I’m a beta… Everything will be done!”

The younger male was taken aback by this way of reasoning, admitting that it was somehow right but he still felt so wrong when thinking about solving the problems like this.

“I… I know you’re right, but, it means you will have to sacrifice a lot for them. Do they really worth your effort, Hannie hyung?”

“What kind of sacrifice are you talking about? I’m not an omega!” Jeonghan cried out, trying to find Seungkwan’s hand to squeeze it hard. “I can’t do anything for them!”

Unable to endure this anymore, Seungkwan blurted out what he had been holding for a while in his mind.

“What if I say you still can become an omega now?”

“What?” Jeonghan instantly stared at his younger brother with wide eyes, sobs turning into hiccup as he concentrated intensely on Seungkwan. “What do you mean? I still can become an omega? Even when I’m twenty five years old?”

Seungkwan palmed his own face, regretting his words right after saying them out, but he had no way back. Jeonghan would not stop asking until he got the answer.

“There is a medicine which can change the hormones in your body permanently and turn you into an omega forever.” Seungkwan held his crying brother’s hand tightly, trying to keep him calm while slowly explaining. “It will take pretty much time, but it works. It will make you grow a uterus to have babies. However, the problem is, your ability of conceiving a baby will be very weak because your uterus is formed in an abnormal way and it isn’t healthy enough.”

“Are you serious? You aren’t joking with me, right?” Jeonghan began to buzz in excitement and his voice shook uncontrollably. “That kind of medicine really exists? How to get it? Where can I buy it? Do you know how to get it?”

“No! Hyung, that’s crazy! I let you know about it but it doesn’t mean I’m suggesting that you should use it. If you turn into an omega now, you will lose the ability of impregnating someone else forever! There’s no way to go back! This medicine can only be used once in your life! You will lose all without getting anything back! It’s dangerous! You might run the risk of being unable to get pregnant. There’s no guarantee that they will certainly love you if you become an omega! You can’t risk your life!”

“I have no other choice now, Kwannie!” Jeonghan cried out again. “Please, if you know about it, please help me! This is my last chance! At least I should try it! I have nothing now! I don’t have anything to lose! I only have them, and Seventeen. I can’t live a life where they all hate me like this! How am I supposed to live in peace if they hate me? Let’s… let’s think about the whole group, Kwannie! If we all get along happily and if they love me, we will become a perfect group and no one is left out in any ways! This is perfect, right?”

“You… You’re really insane, hyung!” Seungkwan shook his head in despair, unable to believe what kind of hell he had just opened up to his poor hyung. “I can’t… I really can’t…”

“Please! I beg you, Kwannie! Please help me!” Jeonghan desperately begged, face wet by tears and eyes filled with sorrow. “Please! Just once! Tell me how to get this medicine! I will do everything I can to make up for you!”

Seungkwan was really scared. He was scared that Jeonghan would regret this choice later, and he himself would feel guilty for introducing this illegal medicine to the beta who was desperate to get the alphas’ love. Seungkwan hated those alphas, hated how stupid they were, but he also wanted Jeonghan to be loved and happy like how he deserved to. The more Jeonghan begged, the weaker Seungkwan’s heart became, until he finally could not resist any longer.

The beta could only fall asleep when the omega had eventually promised to help him get the medicine as soon as possible. Feeling considerably more relieved and hopeful, Jeonghan allowed himself to succumb to his exhaustion in Seungkwan’s embrace, for the first time finding a thin light of hope for his life. Perhaps fate was starting to be kind to him. He was having a chance of becoming an omega like he had dreamed of. He would become their omega. They would love him, mark him, and maybe marry him in the future, and later, they would have babies together, becoming a perfectly happy family.

Jeonghan could envision the happy ending vividly in his mind, and saw it in his own sweet dreams. His upcoming days could be a beautiful sweet dream, but things could end up becoming a dreadful nightmare as well. Nonetheless, Jeonghan knew he had nothing to lose.

Apart from those alphas, who were Seungcheol, Joshua, Jun, Wonwoo, and Mingyu, he could never love anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghannie is going todo it for real. Taking the medicine to become an omega, even if it might hurt him. This is so sad ;_; 
> 
> Believe me, this fic has not reached its peak yet and it will be much heavier than this so please brace yourself for the next chapters.
> 
> The situation about the pandemic is getting very serious in my country so I'm pretty scared now ;_; I hope things will be fine again soon >< My country had been in peace for three months straight before some stupid people helped the Chinese come into my country illegally and now the virus is everywhere. I'm so mad ><
> 
> Everyone please take care of yourself!!!!


	5. It was too late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan's late realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another short but sad chapter.

It had been one week from the day Jeonghan started taking his medicine, yet he had not felt much different yet. He had expected something very outrageous to happen, thinking that his body was undergoing tremendous changes in terms of biology, but it seemed like things progressed more slowly than what he had expected. There were some casual pain coming from his stomach, but it was not too serious and he could easily brush it off with just a slight wince. Seungkwan told him that once the side effects like this started to show, there was no way back for Jeonghan anymore. At this stage, he had fully lost the ability of impregnating someone. All he could do was waiting for his body to gain the ability of giving birth to a baby and change all of the hormones to produce his own scent.

The worse things were the nauseous feeling that came unexpectedly at all the wrong times. Jeonghan once felt so severely nauseous in the middle of a practice that he could not even go back to the dorm to rest. Instead, he just lied down on an empty bend in the practice room while the other members were still dancing and keeping an eye on him at the same time. They carefully gave him some plastic bags in case he would throw up for real, but the beta did not think he really would. He thought his body just wanted a little rest and then he would be fine. The alphas suggested bringing him back home, but he just shook his head and decided to stay here, waiting until his body felt better.

Jeonghan easily dozed off as he closed his eyes while lying on the bench, head supported by a stack of some of the members’ coats and some other’s ones draped over his body. The beta only stirred awake a little when he felt a hand caressing his hair and another hand touching his forehead as if checking his temperature. Until Jeonghan was fully awake, he kept his eyes closed so as to indulge in the gentle touches on his hair, feeling much more comfortable to receive some more love from his alphas. He knew it was Seungcheol’s hand on his hair. Perhaps someone was kneeling on the floor right in front of his face. Perhaps that was Jun. Perhaps someone was sitting near his feet on the bench. Perhaps that was Joshua or Mingyu. Wonwoo must be somewhere near him too.

Jeonghan had been so used to their presence that he could even sense them without opening his eyes or having the nose of an omega to smell each of their distinct scents.

In addition, he knew other members - the omegas, the other betas, and the mated alphas - were watching him as well.

“His health seems to go downhill these days.” Joshua made a comment quietly, trying not to wake the beta up even though they had just played the music so loudly during practice just a while ago.

“Did any of you keep him up all night for days?” Seungcheol asked, voice stern and already filled with anger.

“No!” Jun exclaimed right away. “I do want to be with him but I need to sleep too!”

“I don’t do that either.” Wonwoo added, voice calmer than his friend. “Maybe he’s just a bit under the weather.”

“Maybe he just ate something wrong.” Mingyu had a guess, but Seungcheol shook his head.

“He can’t eat something wrong for a whole week long. He must have realized it and stopped eating it already.”

“Or maybe he’s just practiced too hard for the tour and he’s exhausted.” Seungkwan tried to make the situation lighter, giving a positive guess. “He’s very hard working, you know.”

Soonyoung sighed somewhere in the room.

“I think we should give him more vitamins or something. His dance movements are quite sloppy. I know he’s trying but something seems off. I don’t think he’s in good health now.”

Now Jeonghan felt really terribly after hearing that comment from the leader of the performance team. So, the pills were really having negative impact on his performance, which caused the beta to wish this process could end quickly so that he would be able to dance normally again. If things kept going on like this, he would be a burden to everyone in the group. The fans would be upset, or even worried, and many things would go wrong from here.

Jeonghan was lost in his own concern so deeply that he spaced out for a while until Seungcheol’s voice dragged him back to his surroundings. The beta guessed the other people had left his vicinity since he heard the leader speaking something belonging to their _private problems_.

The unmated alphas’ sexual relationship with Jeonghan was something they never openly discussed with other members, although everyone in the group knew about it. This fact awfully hurt, because Jeonghan knew he had never been announced to be those alphas’ lover. Whenever they said they loved him on television, it was nothing different from the way they said they love other members.

“I hope he will tell us if something happens.” Seungcheol continued to caress the beta’s hair. “This isn’t right.”

All of a sudden, Jeonghan heard a gasp, and a panicked whisper came from no one but Jun.

“Is it possible that… He can’t be _pregnant_ , right?”

“Of course not, Jun.” Wonwoo scolded his friend, seeming annoyed. “Betas can’t get pregnant. What the hell are you thinking?”

“There’s no exception in this, Jun-hyung.” Mingyu nodded in agreement with the older alpha. “Betas can’t have babies, like us.”

“We would be in huge trouble if he were really pregnant.” Joshua let out a sigh, drifting away a little with his imagination. “Things would be a huge chaos.”

Seungcheol nodded.

“We would be in great trouble if he were an omega.”

“Right.” Wonwoo hummed softly. “We would be in trouble.”

“It would be still possible for us… but just double the problems.” Joshua said slowly and quietly, as if afraid that other people could hear him.

“He’s born perfect for us.” Jun also agreed, gently stroking the back of his hand on Jeonghan’s cheek. “Things are perfect in this way.”

“Yeah. Nothing should be changed.” Mingyu was the last one to voice his agreement over this matter.

_“We would be in great trouble if he were an omega.”_

That one sentence kept echoing in Jeonghan’s mind over and over again.

_“We would be in great trouble if he were an omega.”_

_“We would be in great trouble if he were an omega.”_

In panic, Jeonghan was forced to admit that he had made the worst decision of his life.

It turned out that, his alphas had never wanted him to be an omega. Perhaps, they would not want him anymore once he became a real omega, because he would be a great burden to them.

It turned out that, the ability of having babies never made him more desirable to his alphas. It was in fact a burden they did not want to take. If he were an omega, they would have to care about protections, and they might become fathers before they really planned to be.

The alphas were startled to see tears running down Jeonghan’s face and they hurriedly woke him up, continuously asking what was wrong. In tears, the beta curled up in his alphas’ embrace and lied that he just had a very bad dream and he did not want to think of it anymore. Nobody asked him for details of that horrible dream, just trying to sooth him with gentle rubs and caress and sweet words. In the end, Joshua volunteered to carry Jeonghan back to the dorm, using the largest coat of the group to cover the beta thoroughly during the whole way.

Clinging to Joshua for his life, Jeonghan failed to stop his tears from falling. Now he knew, it was too late. Everything was too late. His alphas were going to hate him, because he was about to become something they had never expected him to be.

Jeonghan had destroyed everything by himself.

There was nothing Joshua could do to make the depressed beta in his arms stop crying, even when he spent hours lying in bed with his best friend, holding him tightly and cooing to him constantly. Even when Mingyu returned to the dorm and joined them, sandwiching Jeonghan between two bodies, the beta was still silently shedding tears. Not long after that, he had to run out of the bed, rushing to the bathroom to vomit, unable to endure the nauseous feelings anymore.

Sobbing above the sink, Jeonghan knew this would happen once again in the future, but his alphas would not be standing by his sides to rub his back and soothe him like what Joshua and Mingyu were doing anymore. They would be displeased, or even angry, refusing to take responsibility, or even worse, they would directly ask him to go to the hospital and get an abortion.

It was too late to go back now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Call me cruel or brutal, because I really am ;_; 
> 
> Who loves to torture the characters? That's me T_T I'm thinking of adding the tag Hanahaki disease into this fic to make things even worse. 
> 
> Don't touch me now I'm deep in pain with Jeonghan too T_T
> 
> Anyway, I still hope that you enjoy this chapter. Also, please take care and be healthy!!! Things are getting very serious in my country and I can get infected with the virus at any time ;_; 
> 
> I'm eager to know how you think about this short chapter ><


	6. Blooming rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan guessed things would be even better than this after he became a true omega.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not very heavy. There is still some little fluff to enjoy ^^

A loud thumping sound on the floor startled Jeonghan and woke him up from his deep slumber, making him sit up abruptly and look around with wide eyes. Since the beta had never been accustomed to sleeping in an environment filled with noises, he could easily wake up due to just some little sounds, yet this one was very loud and sudden. The sunlight shining from the window caused him to instinctively shut his eyes and turn away from the glass window. Thankfully, a familiar groan coming from his left side announced him of the presence of someone else in the room, giving him a hint of what had just happened.

Rubbing his eyes and slowly opening them to look, Jeonghan was amazed to see Mingyu groaning and scrambling to get up from the floor, one hand rubbing his own bottom and a grimace was obvious on his face. The beta stared at his alpha in a few seconds straight, blinking his eyes repeatedly, taking pretty much time to understand what was happening. When Mingyu sat back on the bed, he was still massaging his own butt, but the weird look from Jeonghan caught his attention.

“Oh, you’re awake now.” Mingyu smiled sheepishly, a little embarrassed. “Sorry I fell off the bed.”

Jeonghan still looked around without a clue about anything before staring at the bigger man again.

“You… slept here with me?” His raspy and ugly voice startled him again, making him wince with disgust. Why did he sound this horrible?

“You don’t seem to remember anything.” Mingyu chuckled at the beta’s clueless face, one hand coming up to ruffle Jeonghan’s hair. “You’ve just had a very long long long sleep. I stay here to make sure you’re okay.”

Squinting his eyes and looking around with a heavy head, Jeonghan slowly tried to make his mind figure out what had happened previously. It was evident that he had slept for very long; the beta could feel this in his body, but he was quite unsure about the uneasy feeling he was having now. While he was still thinking, Mingyu had moved closer and placed a palm on his forehead to check the temperature, and then sighed in relief to find no problem.

“You scared the hell out of us last night, Hannie. We all agreed that we would bring you to the hospital today if you don’t feel better. But I guess… you’re a little better now?” Mingyu asked, quite unsure.

“I… think so.” Jeonghan slowly replied, feeling the memories coming back to his brain. _Oh, the special pills_. It had messed with his body so badly yesterday and made him sleep for so long that he thought he had just had a temporary memory lost. Fortunately, the beta had got his mind back.

He really felt physically better. The headache and nauseous feelings were all gone, although he was a bit tired. Nonetheless, it was relieving enough to get rid of the feelings of being about to vomit at any time. At this thought, Jeonghan gradually felt his cheeks burning up, head suddenly filled with flashbacks of himself throwing up not only in the bathroom, but also _here_.

Mingyu immediately knew what Jeonghan was thinking about when the beta abruptly lifted the blanket to check the bed sheets frantically with wide eyes. Chuckling, the alpha pulled the embarrassed beta into his chest and pinched his nose lightly.

“Don’t worry, Hannie. We already cleaned up everything last night.”

“I… I made a huge mess here!” Jeonghan hid his face into both hands and whined loudly. “I remember that I even threw up into Joshuji!”

“Yes you really did.” Mingyu laughed lightly. “At that point he just walked out of the door and called the manager to send a doctor in here immediately.”

“He WHAT?” The frightened beta sat up, almost screaming. “A doctor came to check me?”

“Uh… yes?” The alpha was confused by this attitude. “Everyone rushed back to the dorm right after Joshua-hyung called our manager. Seungkwan ran to you and cried a lot. The doctor asked us to leave so that he could check your health but our Seungkwan just refused to leave you alone. Nobody could make him leave, so we had to let him stay with you and the doctor. He even begged us to let him sleep with you but… he was too emotional. We were all afraid he would hug you and cry the whole night so we all tried to coax him into leaving.”

Jeonghan had never felt this relieved to hear Seungkwan’s name in his life. His mind just wished to believe that the younger omega had insisted on staying here so as to prevent the doctor from spilling the beans to the other members, basing on what Mingyu had just said and his attitude. The alpha could not be this normal after finding out Jeonghan was taking illegal medicine, right?

“Then… what did the doctor say? What’s wrong with me?”

“He said you overworked and we need to take better care of you.” Mingyu answered and Jeonghan instantly relaxed, allowing his own body to soften in the younger male’s embrace. The alpha took this chance to squeeze Jeonghan into his chest. “He told us to force-feed you more healthy food and asked us to give you some medicine. He said he gave you an injection. I guessed that’s why you’re feeling better now.”

Jeonghan tried his best to hold back a sigh of relief after the piece of good news. Later, he would have to find Seungkwan and thank him for helping him keep this secret hidden. Jeonghan used to feel worried about the fact that he was not the only one who knew about this act of taking illegal medicine, yet it seemed that he had been wrong. It was better for him to have someone who knew clearly about his situation so that some particular dangers could be prevented. 

However, Jeonghan had not felt enough yet with his questions. He was still frowning when asking further, worries displaying all over his pale face.

“What about Shua? Was he mad at me?”

“Of course not. He’s just very worried about you. You’ve never been like that and we are all so nervous.” Mingyu expressed so much concern through his words, unconsciously make Jeonghan feel his heart softening and melting. The alpha maneuvered his hyung to place him on his lap properly. “Have you ever seen Joshua mad at you? You are sick. It’s not like you vomited on his shirt on purpose.”

Jeonghan’s heart sunk to the bottom of his stomach due to the question.

Had him ever seen Joshua being mad at him? The answer was actually _“yes”_. He had seen all of his alphas being extraordinarily enraged because of him, and the result was nothing but outrageous punishment.

Mingyu did not miss the way Jeonghan shuddered and how his eyes suddenly became unfocused. The body in his arms stiffened in the blink of an eye, revealing a lot of stress and fear. If Jeonghan were not a beta, Mingyu was sure he would be able to smell a very dreadful scent right now. What the alpha did not expect most was the guilt washing through his soul and his whole body at this moment. Mingyu understood what memories were bringing this kind of reaction to Jeonghan, and knew he himself had told a blatant lie. All of them used to be angry with Jeonghan, very angry, very furious. The mad feelings of being betrayed were still vivid in his mind, reminding him of how ugly jealousy was and how terribly it could destroy a person.

For now, Mingyu hated himself for bringing up this topic when all he wanted was just soothing Jeonghan and cheering the beta up after a stressful night of being severely ill. Mingyu had ruined the morning by himself; Jeonghan did not reply as the alpha called his name a few times later, and just mumbled something inaudible before getting out of bed and walking towards the bathroom. The door was shut quietly behind his back, revealing no anger or frustration, causing Mingyu’s heart to sink even more deeply.

After all, Mingyu had thought that Jeonghan would be slightly mad or upset about that night. From that day onwards, the alpha had been reconsidering his actions over and over again, wondering if it was right and suitable for him to claim his authority and power over Jeonghan and force the beta to obey not only him but also the fellow unmated alphas in the group like that. Now thinking back about that night, Mingyu knew he had had the entitled attitude even though he was literally younger than Jeonghan and he should have some basic respect for an older member of the group. However, what should he do in that case?

Jeonghan acting flirty towards other people was not something new and Mingyu thought he had been enduring that pretty well until the moment the rumors broke out. Understanding Jeonghan’s personality, the alpha had never cared much about the beta being nice and generous to everyone, knowing that his hyung had never intended to flirt with anyone. It was just his overflowing confidence and overwhelming beauty that made him look so appealing and flighty.

On the other hand, Mingyu had to admit he had stopped seeing that side of Jeonghan for a pretty long time, as if the beta was slowly changing into another person. From the day the beta started to gain the fame of being _“a lazy idol”_ , he had never really seen sensual charisma oozing out of Jeonghan anymore. Without a doubt, Mingyu knew if his hyung performed _“Purple rose”_ now, the effect could never be as tremendous as it used to be in the past. The vibe of that song no longer suited Jeonghan.

Sighing in defeat, Mingyu guessed that was the reason why he and Seungcheol, Joshua, Jun, and Wonwoo had felt satisfied for a quite long period of time. They had stopped feeling being threatened and fully believed that Jeonghan only belonged to them. The rumors spread widely on the Internet that day was like a slap into their face, mocking them and telling them that Jeonghan had never belonged to them and the beta was even supposed to belong to another world. Male betas rarely ended up with male alphas, because they could not bear children. Nevertheless, the female, omegas or alphas, all could reproduce offspring.

The thought about Jeonghan being with another person was more than enough to make Mingyu’s blood boil _again_. Sharing the beta with his bandmates was already frustrating and irritating enough. Mingyu could never endure watching _his Hannie_ being intimate with anyone else. It was satisfying for them to see Jeonghan interacting less and less with the outsiders, which meant he would have few chances of going on dates with someone else. This kind of thoughts was nothing but mere possessiveness and jealousy.

What else could Mingyu do? He could not risk losing Jeonghan. His mind had never thought of any other omegas or betas. The only one he wanted was Jeonghan and just Jeonghan. Consequently, he saw no other options for the said beta no matter how Jeonghan thought or felt. In an attempt to soothe his own ego and worries, Mingyu told himself that Jeonghan had chosen this life and committed to this relationship by himself. It was undeniable that betas had lower ranking than alphas in general regardless of age. It could matter if Jeonghan was about ten years older than the alphas. Anyway, that was not what happened here. As a result, Jeonghan belong to the lower rank; Mingyu knew he had the rights to make his _hyung_ obey. He was allowed to ask Jeonghan to be good and submissive.

…

Placing both hands on the sink and slightly leaning forward, Jeonghan could not help sighing heavily and audibly, trying in vain to fight against the pain creeping up his chest. Unfortunately, the effort was useless, because it was impossible for him to ignore the fact that Mingyu had taken _that night_ for granted. His alphas did not regret their actions. If a person like Mingyu did not feel that way, then Jeonghan was sure none of his alphas had remorse for their brutal actions. They hurt him cruelly, giving him punishment, and then blatantly asking him “Have you ever seen him being mad at you?”

Jeonghan had thought that the couples usually fought, but after that, they would both apologize to each other and began to seek for a better solution of their problem, yet it seemed like that was not his case. All of a sudden, Jeonghan realized his huge mistake, which caused him to smile bitterly to himself and feel disgusted of his own stupidity. _He was not in a relationship_. The alphas had never claimed to be his lovers or ever told him _“I love you”_. Even when they did that, it did not mean anything different from the way they told that sentence to Soonyoung or Seokmin. He was nothing special to them.

They really did not care. They simply wanted to own him, and he had given up unconsciously for a too long time; there was no way to go back now. Jeonghan was stuck. No matter how hard he tried to think, he found nothing new. The medicine was already absorbed deeply in his blood and his whole body. He was not an omega yet, but he was no longer a normal beta. The only path for Jeonghan to go was moving forward with his plan. There was a sharp pang in his chest as his mind recalled what they said about him being an omega yesterday, but Jeonghan forced himself to be optimistic. They might change their mind later after he became the omega - _the gender destined for the alphas._

They might change their mind later.

It might happen in this way. At least that was what Jeonghan persuaded himself to believe.

When Jeonghan walked out of the bathroom, he was surprised to see Mingyu siting on the bed scrolling through his phone, since he thought the alpha must have left a long while ago. Looking up from the screen to smile at the beta, Mingyu stood up and walked over, draping an arm over the shorter male’s shoulder.

“Let’s go have breakfast, Hannie. Everyone is waiting for you. We still have a schedule this afternoon.”

Looking back at the bed in awe, Jeonghan found it perfectly neat and clean, which obviously meant Mingyu had already rearranged everything, and the mint-liked breath of the alpha let him know Mingyu must have gone back to his room and take care of his own hygiene before coming back here. A bright smile quickly appeared on Jeonghan’s face at the realization of his alpha’s consideration. All of a sudden, he thought everything was actually not too bad. Perhaps his alphas did not love him, but at least they cared about him - to some extent - and had a little space for him in their hearts. Love was something that could gradually developed through times, he guessed? He had not loved them this much around the first year they met. Nonetheless, today, a single sweet action of the alpha for him could make his heart warm for the whole day.

In the middle of the way, Jeonghan heard the thumping sounds of someone walking over to them. Without seeing the person properly, he could easily figure out who that was since the dorm literally only had one dinosaur. However, he still shrieked loudly when than approaching person suddenly picked him up in bridal style without asking a single question.

“I’m going to have a heart attack, Junnie!” Jeonghan complained, placing a palm on his heart to calm himself down and also to exaggerate his saying.

“Why don’t you carry him, Gyu?” Jun turned to complain to the bigger alpha, thumping foot walking towards the kitchen, but he did not wait for Mingyu’s response. When his eyes directed towards Jeonghan, the beta felt his heart melting in the worries displayed all over his alpha’s face. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Yes.” Jeonghan nodded without hesitation. He really felt very much better. The reason might be just simple: his body had vomited everything it had inside. He had nothing left to feel nauseous. “I can walk by myself!”

“Let’s just not do that today.” Jun shook his head, full of determination. “We’re still lucky that we don’t have to work too hard today.”

“What schedule do we have today?” Jeonghan frowned as he tried to remember but his mind was just blank. The maximum his brain could do was to remember that he had work to do today.

The alpha was surprised to see his hyung forgetting their schedule.

“We have a photo shoot this afternoon and filming for Going Seventeen this evening. You’re really sick, hyung.”

Jun intended to just give Jeonghan a kiss on the crown of his head, but his lips did not leave the beta soon, since right at the moment the tip of his nose touched the smaller male’s hair, he found something abnormal.

Jeonghan could feel his alpha sniffing him right at the top of his head. Meanwhile, Mingyu had also caught up with Jun’s quick footsteps and now was eyeing how the older alpha was trying to detect the smell he found on their beta. Turning to look at Jeonghan in the eyes, Jun asked with a solemn face, making the beta feel nervous even before the question was voiced out.

“What’s this smell? Jeonghan hyung, you change your shampoo?”

Jeonghan almost answered _“no”_ right away, yet he luckily held himself back on time to nod his head, trying his best to stay calm. He had not been able to smell himself, maybe because the scent was too faint to be caught easily. Nonetheless, Jeonghan’s heart still threatened to jump out of his chest at the realization of his body giving off a scent. Last night, he had been brought directly from the practice room to bed, having no chance to shower, so of course the smell Jun found could be anything but shampoo.

Jeonghan did not stutter in his words, but his heart was deadly anxious. He was having a scent. He was having a particular scent, for the first time of his life. Perhaps the time for he to present would come soon? Would his alphas like this scent? How was it like? What if they disliked it?

“Yeah… I’ve just changed it. What’s wrong?”

“What shampoo brand is this? I’ve never known any shampoo with this fragrance. Smells so sweet.” Jun kept frowning while speaking although what he was saying was actually positive.

Curious by his hyung’s attitude, Mingyu quickly leaned over to sniff Jeonghan’s hair as well, all of a sudden making the beta feel crowded. He was literally being sandwiched between two alphas now. Jeonghan could not exactly describe it, but he felt strangely suffocating. Was this how an omega was supposed to feel when they were stuck between two big alphas? It should only be this intense because he was feeling well and he was anxious of their thoughts about his scent, right?

Jeonghan was instantly startled when he heard a deep growl from Mingyu. He knew he should not, but his body still flinched and his arms clung to Jun more tightly, as if he was unconsciously afraid that Mingyu was about to hurt him. However, Jun was more surprised about Jeonghan’s reaction than about Mingyu’s aggressive sound, and the knit between his eyebrows were still there.

“It smells very nice, right?” Jun asked in a deep voice he rarely used, causing Jeonghan to look at them in great worries. His saying should be considered as a compliment but the beta found no part in himself able to feel happy or relieved. Instead, he was just more and more nervous, especially when Mingyu suddenly held his chin between two fingers, forcing him to look up at the bigger alpha.

“This scent…” The alpha leaned closer until his face was only an inch away from Jeonghan’s, his breath ghosting on the beta’s skin, making goose bump spread all over his body. “…makes me just want to bend you over the table and fuck you until you can’t walk anymore!”

Jeonghan was caught off guard by the enthusiastic kisses followed right after that, shocked to be dragged into an intense making out session involving not only his lips but also his tongue. He genuinely wanted to kiss his alpha back but Mingyu in fact did not give him the chance to do so. The alpha was taking full control over everything, devouring Jeonghan’s lips and threatening to take his breath away. Still holding the beta in his arms, Jun watched them kiss in silence for a few seconds, but a growl soon escaped his throat, causing Jeonghan to get alarmed. It was obvious that Jun was getting irritated by this sight, which had never happened even once in the past. These unmated alphas had been handling very well the condition of sharing one beta.

Breaking the kiss to look at the older alpha, Mingyu began to snarl back to the growling man, and Jeonghan began to feel truly frightened. He had not done anything except for taking kisses from one of his alphas yet the two of them were already angry and snarling to each other. Moreover, the reaction of his body and his nerves were both getting worse. In the past, he just felt threatened by the alphas’ aggression, but now, he truly just wanted to run away or at least just stay calm, because _omegas were never supposed to interfere with the alphas’ issue_.

“What the hell is that? Mingyu! Jun!”

Seungcheol’s voice suddenly came to the three of them, causing all three of them to look towards the door heading to the kitchen to see the leader walking towards them with a scary and serious look on his face. His eyes were almost shooting flames into the younger alphas’ faces, disapproval expressed all over his own facial expression.

“Your angry pheromones can be felt in the kitchen! It’s just the beginning of the day and you two are about to fight? For what?”

Jeonghan knew Seungcheol was actually his savior and the leader would solve this problem in the blink of an eye, but he had to admit that the eldest alpha’s angry pheromones were considerably scarier than the younger ones’. His scolding voice was too loud and too fierce to Jeonghan’s liking while all he wanted for the morning after his horrible night was some sweet love and gentle care.

As Seungcheol walked over, Mingyu slowly loosened his grip on Jeonghan’s chin and stopped snarling immediately. Jun did not growl anymore, but nothing could make him let go of the beta he was still holding. Nonetheless, Seungcheol had not finished yet.

“You two scare him! Look at him. He’s all pale because of you!”

It was not until now did the two young alphas begin to observe Jeonghan’s face more carefully, and they simultaneously gasped, eyes filled with regrets and guilt. They poured thousands of apologies into his ears and gave him so many kisses that Jeonghan nearly felt dizzy again, really amazed by how easily his alphas got triggered today. Seungcheol seemed to soften after the younger men admitted their mistakes and he started to turn his attention to Jeonghan. Using a hand to stroke his hair, the leader asked, voice completely contrast to how he had used to talk to Jun and Mingyu previously.

“Are you okay, Hannie? Do you need to stay at home today? Don’t force yourself to work if you’re still as sick as yesterday.”

“I’m fine now.” Jeonghan smiled, enjoying the tender hand on his hair. “I can walk by myself but Junnie just doesn’t let me.”

The said alpha shrugged.

“He’s better, but still sick.”

Without arguing more, Seungcheol urged them to join in the dining room as breakfast had been prepared. Right at the moment Jeonghan’s eyes caught the sight of Joshua, he began to squirm, wishing to run to his best friend instantly. Chuckling, Jun kindly put him down right next to Joshua’s chair so that they could easily talk to each other.

Joshua’s first reaction was using a palm to check Jeonghan’s temperature. He kept smiling and shaking his head as the beta apologized to him for vomiting on his shirt and making a huge mess for the alpha to clean.

“It’s okay, Hannie. Don’t say sorry anymore.” Next to him on the other side, Wonwoo placed a hand on the beta’s thigh and said calmly. “You were sick last night. It’s not like you vomited on him on purpose.”

Jeonghan still felt extraordinarily bad about it, knowing that it must be extremely gross to have someone throw up on your shirt, but his alphas just did not allow him to say sorry anymore. However, Jeonghan was shocked when Wonwoo suddenly brought him up from his chair to place him on his lap with his back pressed to the alpha’s chest. Face burning in embarrassment, Jeonghan squirmed helplessly in his arms, protesting weakly.

“What are you doing Wonu? Let me down!!!”

“You had better sit like this.” Wonwoo tightened his arms around the beta’s slim waist, pulling a bottle from somewhere to Jeonghan’s hand. “Here’s your strawberry milk, Hannie.”

Seeing the small pink bottle containing his favorite drink, Jeonghan immediately forgot his own embarrassment of this position. Chirping a _“thank you”_ to the alpha, he quickly started to drink his milk and finally began to glance at the dining table. He really felt hungry now, after a long night of letting out everything in his stomach. Unfortunately, Seungcheol suddenly put a big bowl of something hot in front of his face. With wide eyes, Jeonghan stared at the porridge in a few seconds, and then he whined loudly, face falling.

“No!!! Why do I have to eat porridge again??? I don’t like it!”

“You’re sick, Hannie. Nobody feeds bread, fried eggs, instant noodles and bacon to a sick person. You don’t have a choice.” Seungcheol stated firmly, putting a spoon into the beta’s right hand. “This is for your health, Hannie. Don’t be picky.”

Jeonghan kept protesting for five more minutes but Seungcheol was not fazed even a bit and everybody else also agreed that the beta should only eat porridge today. With a sulky face, Jeonghan started his breakfast, but another problem appeared. It was fine for him to eat like this, yet it seemed to be quite difficult and inconvenient for Wonwoo since the alpha did not have full access to the table. Squirming, Jeonghan tried again to get out of the alpha’s hold but Wonwoo just closed his arms more tightly without saying a word.

“It’s embarrassing, Wonuuuuu!” Jeonghan whined and shook his head, trying to elbow the younger man a few times. “Let me go!!! How can you eat like that?”

“If I were you, I would just sit still. If you don’t, I might make you limp around while filming for Going Seventeen this evening.” Wonwoo warned nonchalantly as if it were just something so casual, causing the beta to blush hard.

“Wow you’re really feeling better today, Hannie.” Joshua commented with an amused smile. “We haven’t seen you like this for a pretty long while.”

“Like this?” Jeonghan asked back in confusion.

“Caring and sweet but stubborn, whiny, cheeky.” Seungcheol answered on behalf of everyone who nodded in agreement. “You’ve been very quiet in a long period of time.”

Jeonghan hated the alphas for bringing back his gloomy mood. One more time, they were talking as if they did not know what or who had caused him to act in that way. How was it possible for him to keep on acting happily and actively after receiving such a brutal punishment from the people he loved? They had not changed even a bit because nothing bad happened to them; they did not even seem to acknowledge that they had done something wrong to him. They just expected Jeonghan to act in the way the saw fit without a care about his true feelings.

They thought he had already forgotten about it? They really thought he had fully overcome the pain of that night?

Nevertheless, Jeonghan was not sure why his mood did seem to be somehow better this morning. He could only guess that his state was too bad yesterday; today he woke up with a light head and without the urge to vomit. Consequently, he felt like life was pretty positive for him, and perhaps it would not be too hard to get through the whole process of becoming an omega. He just needed to keep taking the pills regularly and waited for time when fate decided that it was finally his time to present and have his first heat? His first heat? It was extremely weird to think of himself having a heat like Seungkwan, Jihoon and Chan did, but Jeonghan knew he would get used to it.

He should consider himself as a late bloomer. Those younger omegas must have been so confused and unfamiliar with their first heats as well.

Right after Seungcheol and Joshua commented on Jeonghan’s good mood, he turned silent again, making the other three alphas really want to smack the two oldest men’s faces. However, they still tried to initiate peaceful conversations with each other to lighten the atmosphere, and Jeonghan listened to them, hoping to find a perfect time to join. Nonetheless, he was distracted by the way Wonwoo sniffed him enthusiastically and almost forgot to eat his breakfast. At one point, Jeonghan even felt the alpha’s teeth grazing his neck, and he was startled.

“Don’t do that, Wonu! You’ll leave marks!” The beta elbowed his alpha again, trying to remind him of the risk of letting other people see the evidence of their intimate relationship. “We have a photo shoot this afternoon.”

“You smell so good today, Hannie.” Wonwoo murmured, lips touching Jeonghan’s neck lightly and making him blush one more time. “New shower gel?”

Hearing the talk about _“smell”_ , Jun and Mingyu darted their eyes towards them immediately, and Jeonghan felt awfully nervous. Wonwoo had just unintentionally let the other two alphas know that the scent they found on him previously was not just on his hair. It was actually everywhere on his body.

“Yeah… New shower gel and new shampoo too.” Jeonghan lied, even though he could not understand why. Why did he lie? They would be the first one to know it when he presented as an omega. It was not something he could hide away from them. What was the point of lying? Why was he scared of letting them know the truth?

“So sweet. You’re like a flower.” Wonwoo kept whispering against his skin and Jeonghan could not help squirming again, giggling nervously at the tickling sensation.

“Like roses, right?” Jun added, squinting his eyes.

“Exactly.” Wonwoo failed to stop himself from placing a few kisses on Jeonghan’s neck. “You’ll be able to seduce every alpha in this world with this scent, Hannie.”

“We had better scent-mark him heavily before going out today.” Mingyu mumbled. “I know it’s just shampoo or shower gel whatever but I don’t want any bastards to approach our Hannie because of this.”

_Oh_ , they were acting like he actually belonged to them again, although none of them bothered to give him _a real mating mark_. They did not even allow him to have a single chance with anyone.

“You’re saying like we haven’t done that every day already.” Seungcheol laughed before complaining to Wonwoo. “You really must stop that, Wonwoo! You’ll leave mark on his neck. Just do it anywhere people can’t see.”

“He just smells too good. I can’t.” Wonwoo talked through gritted teeth. “I can just eat him for breakfast.”

“Oh please let me have breakfast in peace, Wonwoo!” It was Joshua’s turn to complain and groan. “I don’t want to talk about this right at the beginning of the day! It’s so distracting!”

“You’re such a creep, Wonu-hyung.” Mingyu shook his head in distaste, and then turned to talk to Jeonghan with a mischievous smile. “Jeonghan-hyung, if he does something to you, you can vomit into his face so that he will know he should never mess with a sick person.”

The beta giggled while Wonwoo just huffed and then continued with his breakfast, temporarily giving peace back to Jeonghan but nothing could make him put him back on the chair. The alpha was determined to keep Jeonghan on his lap this morning but Jeonghan actually did not have anything to feel uncomfortable, so he just sat there and enjoyed the warmth and intimacy from his alpha.

Jeonghan had always wished everything to be just like this, sweet, gentle, loving, and happy. He wished to be doted on, to be the center of their attention, and to be taken care of on the occasions when it was not necessary for him to take care of them. Perhaps things would be even better after he became a real omega. People always felt the need to protect the omegas. Jeonghan believed he would be protected then by all of his alphas, and then they would have a great soft spot for him since they found him so delicate, fragile, and vulnerable.

If they found troubles with using condoms during sex, Jeonghan would be willing to take contraceptive pills. He guessed it would be easier for him to satisfy their needs then, because he would be able to produce slick, and his body would be capable of taking dicks and knots comfortably. No more limping. No more crying. No more extra use of lubrication. He hoped they would like that.

One day, when they were able to settle down and start their own family, they would be contented to have children with him.

Jeonghan wished every day would be just as peaceful as this morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for making you wait for too long. I'm not feeling well recently and it's difficult to write anything ;_; 
> 
> By the way, today is my 24th birthday so I decide to post this light chapter, since I think I shouldn't post something too dark in my special day ^^ 
> 
> For those who have read my other fic, I hope you understand that this fic isn't as well-planned as "Fate is unfair" and it was a reckless decision of mine when I started writing and posting this fic without a proper plan. So... please don't expect it to be as good as my first fic. I don't want you to feel disappointed ;_;
> 
> Back to this chapter... Wow I think I've created toxic relationships again >< It seems like i'm addicted to this kind of relationship. The alphas are quite nice in this chapter but I think you're still mad at them since they haven't realized their mistakes yet. I think... I really want to make them pay for their mistakes this time >< I don't know why but I'm angry ><
> 
> I'm eager to know how you think about this chapter. Please feel free to leave your comment and I'm happy to read all kinds of opinions ^^ Thank you so much!!!!


	7. Not a meltdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan felt unwell.  
> Actually, he had been feeling unwell in a pretty long period of time, but the problem was on another level today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaayyyy I manage to post a new chapter for this fic >< I don't want to use this as an excuse but I have mental health issue and sometimes I just can't bring myself to do anything so it's quite hard for me to keep writing regularly these days T_T I'm really sorry for making you wait.
> 
> I know many of you have said that you wouldn't mind waiting at all and I really appreciate that so much but I can't help feeling bad for making you wait ><
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this chapter!!!!

After that day of the most severe breakdown, Jeonghan surprisingly felt much better. He had no idea why, yet it was true that he felt less dizzy and also less nauseous. Sometimes, when he danced too hard or worked too much, those negative feelings would be intensified to the point that he actually had to run to the bathroom and throw up, or at least he had to take a short break in five or ten minutes.

Since they were going on tour, the whole group had to spend a lot of time practicing, moving between cities or countries, and performing. Consequently, it was difficult for Jeonghan to have an adequate amount of time to rest. Nonetheless, this was also a reason for the members to be more attentive towards him. They kept urging him to go to the hospital to check if something serious was going on with his body but Jeonghan just shook his head and told them he was fine. However, everyone was busy, stressed and tired, so nobody could really pay most of their attention on the beta’s health and his problem was just forgotten like that.

Jeonghan hated the fact that this period of making changes in his body was agonizingly long. He had been tired for so long that he thought the members had become accustomed to his weak presence and perhaps they really considered him as a lazy person now. It truly hurt whenever someone just casually told him to take a rest between their practice as if it were not much of a serious problem.

Lying on the bench and watching everyone dance through hooded eyes, Jeonghan wondered if the group would be much better without him. He was literally holding them back. Once again, Jeonghan thought of the fact that Seventeen’s fame was going up yet he was a huge obstacles for everyone these days. All of the members had presented and the group could be considered to be balanced now. They did not have to worry about a sudden heat coming between their concerts, since all of the omegas were taking heat suppressants. The situation was the same for the alphas. Their mating seasons certainly still came, but they would never come at unexpected times anymore. It was easy for the company to arrange their schedules and it would be less likely for accidents to happen.

On the other hand, Jeonghan knew he himself was being at risk now. He could not know when his heat would come. He and Seungkwan had talked about this many times but the younger omega was also nervous and did not know how to predict it either. The best thing Seungkwan could do to help was giving Jeonghan a new bottle of scent-blocker. Normal people rarely needed to use this kind of “perfume” but idols like them almost used this thing every day except for the time when they were at home, because it was not safe or advantageous to appear in front of so many people with their own scents and pheromones being released everywhere. Therefore, their identity had always been kept as a secret. Fans did not know whether their bias was an omega or alpha or beta.

Jeonghan also believed that this was safe, because he really felt scared when seeing the male alpha fans these days.

Seungkwan said that it was normal for omegas near their heats to be oversensitive towards their surroundings and environment, but Jeonghan still hated this feeling so much and he almost always wondered if something was about to go wrong. The beta was skittish during the whole fansign events and stressed out during the whole concerts since there were numerous alphas around him on those occasions, but of course the media interpreted this in another different way. They said Jeonghan seemed to be lazier and lazier day by day. Some said he seemed to be tired all the time. Some even doubted whether the company was taking care of Seventeen’s health well enough or not. Certainly, Jeonghan was scolded for this once. His own problem was causing the company to receive criticism and they were surely unhappy.

The members did not say anything like that to Jeonghan, yet the beta still doubted that they had similar thoughts in their mind. His heart was in so much pain and shame that he did not dare to tell even Seungkwan about this, afraid that the omega felt not less annoyed than anyone. A sharp pain pierced through Jeonghan’s chest when he suddenly thought back about his horrible decision of letting Seungkwan be the one who helped him get the illegal pills. Jeonghan should have tried to act like he had not been interested in what the younger omega said about them and then searched for more information about the pills by himself later. Now, he not only owed Seungkwan but also felt as if the omega knew his biggest weakness.

What if one day Seungkwan got mad at him for some reasons and then decided to turn his back to him, telling everyone about this truth?

Would Jeonghan’s alphas consider him as _a false omega_ then? It was easy for anyone to know that an omega created by chemicals could not have their functions as perfect as the real omegas who were already fated to be ones. Perhaps they would not want him anymore?

Jeonghan knew it was bad to overthink too much before anything really happened, but he pathetically failed to stop himself, and those thoughts were going to tear him apart one day if this condition kept going on for too long.

Thanks to the scent-blocker Seungkwan gave him, Jeonghan managed to get rid of one trouble and felt more relieved to be close to his alphas, but sometimes he deemed himself stupid. Why was he doing this? What was the point of covering his own scent while becoming an omega was his own idea? Moreover, he had already seen Wonwoo, Jun, and Mingyu’s reaction. They both said he smelled very sweet and they obviously loved the alluring aroma of rose coming from his body. Mingyu and Jun even did not hide their disappointment when the beta appeared in the next day without that scent (thanks to the scent-blocker). Jeonghan had to struggle to seek for some shampoo and shower gel which had the same aroma to hide this truth but things were not easy.

About these alphas… there was a whole another problem. Jeonghan certainly remembered what they had said about him being an omega but it seemed like he was living in a weird bubble which prevented him from thinking rationally. They all found the beta strangely clingy to them recently, but none of them complained even once. They simply pointed that out to tease Jeonghan and then just showered him with affection. Like that, Jeonghan allowed himself to indulge in what he considered as _“love”_ from his alphas. Did they really love him like how he loved them? Jeonghan still had never been sure about that. Nonetheless, it felt comfortable to believe to be loved.

Jeonghan loved how they almost fought to get the privilege of sleeping in the same room with him in the hotel whenever they went on tour to other countries, even though this was not anything new to his long period of being a member of Seventeen. It was funny to register that he had not paid much attention to this previously. His heart, his soul, and his instincts were all tremendously sensitive these days, which caused him to end up thinking that his alphas truly loved him instead of doubting their hearts.

“Why doesn’t this smell as good as that day?” Seungcheol scrunched his nose, frowning after spending a minute sniffing Jeonghan while cuddling with him in bed on one of the nights during their tour. “You have just showered but… it’s still rose, but…”

The leader could not find the most suitable words to describe it, yet he knew this was not the particular scent he had smelled on Jeonghan before. This scent simply brought him no feeling. It was undeniably a very nice scent, but something was missing. The beta had no answer for his question. Anyway, Seungcheol did not think it was much of a serious problem for him to keep asking, and they were both tired already. Instead, the alpha decided just to hug Jeonghan tightly in his embrace, spooning the beta closely from behind, and burying his face into the silky hair so as to fill his lungs with the comfortable aroma.

However, Jeonghan had a question for him.

“You smelled that on me too?”

“Of course. My nose isn’t broken.” Seungcheol slightly nuzzled into the beta’s nape. “Everybody smelled you on that day. I’m just surprised because after that, the scent isn’t the same anymore. Maybe… we were too worried that day and everybody was relieved to see you okay in the morning.”

Jeonghan suddenly felt bad for the hint of disappointment in Seungcheol’s voice, and he was stunned to find out how much the alpha liked his scent. This truth was unexpected but welcomed and made the beta feel so much lighter, happier, and even calmer after weeks of worrying about a hundred things.

“Tell me if you feel unwell or something. Okay?” Seungcheol murmured quietly, voice soft and genuinely caring, but enough to interrupt the beta’s chain of thoughts.

Jeonghan was perplexed, wanting to turn back to look at the alpha but Seungcheol did not loosen his arms even a bit. In the end, the beta had no choice but to keep staying still while asking.

“Why are you saying like there’s something wrong with me?”

“Isn’t there?” Seungcheol asked back, but it was more alike an accusation rather than just a question. “Your health isn’t good these days. How long has it been? I think you’ve been under the weather for at least a month.”

“I… I don’t know.” Jeonghan automatically tried to avoid talking too much about this problem, afraid that he might reveal something he should not. “I think my health just isn’t good and we’re all too busy recently to rest.”

“If you think that is the problem, please try to eat more health food.” Seungcheol sighed softly, but the arms around Jeonghan were holding him possessively. “I know we don’t have time now but… you really should see a doctor, or do some tests. There might be something wrong in our bodies without us knowing.”

“I’m okay, Cheollie. Don’t worry.” Jeonghan wriggled and tried to turn his head so as to face the leader. The distance between their faces was so tiny that it did not require much effort for Jeonghan to kiss his alpha gently on the lips. “I think I just need more sleep, and some more delicious food. Let’s try to get through our tour, and then I will be fine.”

Seungcheol frowned a little.

“There are still four more months before the tour ends. You’re talking as if our tour would end next week.”

“There’s nothing else I can do now.” Jeonghan gave the alpha one more tender kiss on his cheek. “Trust me, I’m okay. I don’t want to ruin the tour by making everyone worried about me.”

“You don’t ruin anything, baby. Everyone was sad when you didn’t attend some performances today but if this can earn you some more time to rest, I think it’s worth.” Seungcheol forcefully made the beta go back to his original position so that he could properly spoon him and give him a kiss on the back of his head. “That’s much better than seeing you pass out on stage. That will be a whole nightmare.”

“Yeah, a real nightmare.” Jeonghan chuckled, but the concern was real. He was seriously worried that he might faint on stage one day, in front of thousands of fans.

“But anyway… let’s stop worrying and just sleep now, baby.” Seungcheol ended the conversation by another kiss on Jeonghan’s nape and a pet name that made his heart melt like ice-cream. “You worked hard today. Let’s have a good sleep.”

“Goodnight, Cheollie.” The beta smiled to himself and whispered, holding the bigger hand which was being placed on his stomach.

“Goodnight, Hannie.” Seungcheol replied and gave one more kiss to Jeonghan before squeezing the beta into his chest one more time.

Neither of them knew that not only Seungcheol but also the other unmated alphas in the groups were becoming more and more possessive towards Jeonghan day by day. No matter how effective the scent-blocker was, some of his pheromones still came out and discreetly affected the alphas who had already been attracted to Jeonghan even before he started to have a scent. Nobody knew what was happening, while the beta could not tell when his first heat would come. He thought his body was almost ready now. Some dark websites on the Internet said that the illegal medicine only needed one or two months to make all of the necessary changes in the body.

Jeonghan wished he would be able to detect his upcoming heat prior to its due date at least one day. The more important thing was that, he desperately wished his alphas would be there for him and protect him on that day, to make him feel safe, loved, and adored like how any other omegas wanted to feel during their most vulnerable period of time.

In the end, the alphas were really there with him, yet things still did not go in the way he had expected.

\------------------------

That was the day when they performed at the celebration of the Blue Dragon Awards.

Jeonghan had felt excited before the day of the event, knowing that it was an honor for Seventeen to show up at this show but he almost freaked out when he the dizziness all of a sudden became worse right before their performance.

It started when the beta caught the sight of his alphas all in the dark blue suits with no shirts under them. The clothes specially revealed so much of their chests that Jeonghan felt his lungs constricted. What the hell was this? His mind was acting like he was craving for sex or any kind of flesh coming from his alphas. He wanted to touch them so much. He kept staring at them intensely for so long that the most dangerous alpha on that day decided to come and tease him with a smirk on his face.

That was the _“fucking sexy Jeon Wonwoo alpha”_. That was how Jeonghan thought of the said alpha when the man pushed him into an empty cubicle inside the bathroom only fifteen minutes before the performance. Wonwoo just looked _“so fucking rude”_. The make-up, the hair revealing his forehead, and the twinkling choker all contributed to his deadly attractive appearance tonight. Jeonghan was sure the whole world could understand that this man was definitely an alpha who could make countless omegas kneel down for him.

Perhaps Jeonghan was one of them as well. His knees had already begun to shake relentlessly.

They both knew there could be someone around at this moment, and talking was not a good thing to do now. Consequently, Wonwoo did not say a word. He simply trapped the beta into the corner of the small space, lifting Jeonghan up by grabbing his bottom and squeezing them tightly. The beta gasped at the touch, but his mouth was quickly sealed by Wonwoo’s lips which fiercely kissed him as if there would be no tomorrow for them to do this anymore.

Jeonghan could not resist the urge to touch and caress the revealed skin of his alpha’s chest, but he did not know this action could rile the man up so much. Wonwoo growled, letting out a warning yet Jeonghan could not help it. It was obvious that the beta was even trying to grind on his alpha in this inconvenient position, making Wonwoo’s growl even become louder. Jeonghan could feel the alpha's hand groping his ass and the other one sneaking under his suit to tease his sensitive skin and nipples. When Wonwoo teased Jeonghan further by biting his lips harshly and staring into his eyes fiercely and lustfully at the same time, the beta thought he would beg his alpha to do anything to give him a release right away. 

Wonwoo had always been unfairly sexy and handsome. Why were all these qualities intensified today? Jeonghan thought he could dance on the alpha's lap all day if the man always looked like this, virile, dominant, and irresistible.

Luckily, Jeonghan did not really have to ask for anything. Wonwoo was willing and even eager to give him so much.

…

At the moment Jeonghan and Wonwoo came back into Seventeen’s waiting room, the make-up artists could not help groaning in displease, since their lipstick was all washed away and became a mess on their lips. Jeonghan looked clearly tired now and he could only duck his head in embarrassment while Seungcheol gave him a fierce glare. Meanwhile, Wonwoo sat down in front of the mirror and one of the managers suddenly sprayed a copious amount of scent-blocker on him instantly.

The man complained as he saw the expression of surprise on Wonwoo’s face.

“Jesus! Where the hell have you been? Where did you get this kind of scent on you so heavily?”

Before the alpha could give another question, the manager sprayed the scent-blocker one more time and then walked away, leaving Wonwoo perplexed and confused. Of course, he knew Jeonghan had the scent of roses recently thanks to his new shower gel and shampoo, but he had never thought that a session of kissing and a few minutes of a blowjob could get that aroma on him like this. If there was something strange about his intimate time with Jeonghan, Wonwoo could only remember that the beta’s cum was pleasantly sweet and delicious, which was truly a nice surprise, because betas generally did not have a particular scent or taste in any parts of their body.

Was Wonwoo crazy? Did he hallucinate? Or it was just that Jeonghan also used the cologne which had the scent of roses?

It was _so, so, so_ strange.

However, Wonwoo did not have much time to think, because it was finally time for them to perform.

As Jeonghan got on stage, he immediately realized he was not fine at all.

_“Hit”_ had always been a difficult song for him to dance to and the choreography was tiring as hell. Consequently, it got him dizzy and panting for air considerably quickly, making Jeonghan soon wonder if he could finish this performance without falling on the floor or not. The beta tried his best to focus and do anything he could think of so as to reduce those negative feelings. Unfortunately, whenever his mind forgot its horrible state, it would start to pay unnecessary attention to _his alphas_.

Fucking Jeon Wonwoo with his choker and seductively deep voice.

Fucking Joshua Hong with his wide chest and honey-liked brown contact lens.

Fucking Wen Junhui with his perfect body and his powerful dance movements.

Fucking Choi Seungcheol with his intimidating look and huge muscles penetrating through the layer of clothes.

Fucking Kim Mingyu with his surreal handsome face and the giant yet perfect body of a God.

It felt half safe and half unsafe to stand here. Jeonghan knew there were various alphas in the audience. Jeonghan also knew his alphas and even his closest friends were all around him in very close vicinity. Nevertheless, it was so hard to tell how he was feeling. It was complicated. Jeonghan could not enjoy this honorable moment anymore. He barely concentrated on his dance. Instead, he was just thinking of how wonderful and heavenly it would be to jump into his alphas’ embrace and let them lure him into sleep in their arms after finishing their job here.

Jeonghan did not know that in such close distances, the members were all able to realize a trouble coming up with the eldest beta. They kept discreetly paying extra attention on him, but none of them was really sure what could possibly happen. They just knew something was wrong, and Jeonghan was feeling unwell. In the air, there was something abnormal. Something made them more excited. Something gave them more energy to dance more enthusiastically, but at the same time, Jeonghan just kept struggling to dance and sing for everyone. However, instead of showing their nervousness on stage, the members unconsciously tried their best to give a better performance not only to cover Jeonghan’s weakness but also not make the beta feel like he had badly affected everything.

Jeonghan could only try until he finally succeeded in dragging his exhausted body out of the stage to the position where the audience could not see him anymore. The beta though he would just fall flat on the ground, yet so many hands suddenly grabbed him and held him back, keeping him on his feet. Alphas. His brain instantly registered that. Those people must be his alphas. He could feel them without even opening his eyes. Wow. He was safe. Jeonghan strangely felt so protected that he did not bother to open his eyes anymore. He could feel that someone had just given up trying to make him stand. Instead, that person just carried him on two strong arms, giving Jeonghan the chance to bury his face into the crook of that man’s neck.

Something smelled so strong, powerful, but also warm and nice here. What was this scent? Jeonghan did not know, but he guessed it was somehow familiar. Was this Mingyu? He guessed so.

He also heard the sounds of people arguing with each other. Nonetheless, he did not really care because he knew he was being with his alphas. Even if the person holding him was not Mingyu, Jeonghan was still okay, because he was one hundred percent sure this was no one but one of his alphas. Regardless of the noise coming from the quarrelling people, Jeonghan merely wanted to focus on the questions and the voices of people calling him with a lot of worries.

“Hannie, are you okay?”

“Jeonghan-hyung, do you hear me?”

“How do you feel now? Are you hurt anywhere?”

It felt so nice to be drowned in a lot of love and attention like this. All of these voices were nice, caring, and familiar, sounding like family. Right. That was his pack. The alphas were here to protect him and the omegas would give him comfort. Whereas, the betas would keep everything balanced and help everyone with everything they needed. With these comfortable feelings in his heart, Jeonghan had more strength to open his eyes, because he wanted to let the members know that he was not having any serious problem.

Jeonghan was right. The person carrying him was definitely Mingyu, while other members were crowding around them. Someone palmed his forehead to check his temperature. Someone brushed his bang back and stroked his hair at the same time. Someone was holding his hand. Someone else kept asking questions. Someone else kept arguing with another person who did not really sound like family.

Jeonghan was put on a long bench in their waiting room backstage, but Mingyu still insisted on keeping the beta in his arms. Wonwoo sat right next to the biggest alpha, having Jeonghan’s legs on his lap, hands giving the beta some massage to bring his consciousness back. Those hands felt so nice. Jeonghan felt amazingly comfortable and he did not want Wonwoo to stop at all. He did not want Jun to let go of his hand either. He would scream if Joshua stopped stroking his hair now. However, where was Seungcheol? Jeonghan wanted the leader here too. Shouldn’t the leader of the pack be here when one of the members was being unwell? Or was Seungcheol the one arguing with someone else now? Why did Jeonghan feel like those people were talking about him?

“He wasn’t like this before.” Wonwoo commented with a frown, sharing a concern look with the other alphas. “He’s usually tired but not this bad.”

“Did you fuck him in the bathroom before the performance?” Mingyu squinted and gave Wonwoo an accusing look.

“No!” Wonwoo sternly answered, smacking Mingyu’s head. “I’m not insane! You saw him when we walked back here. He was still fine then.”

“Hannie, can you hear us?” Joshua kept calling his friend’s name, eyes filled with concern.

“Should we bring him to the hospital now?” Jun asked, looking around to seek for agreement. Certainly, most of the members nodded, except for Seungkwan, Jihoon, and Dino.

_Because they were omegas._

Jeonghan actually had never been openly intimate with the unmated alphas in Seventeen. They knew that he must be cheesy and affectionate with them at home, but the beta nearly never showed his true romantic feelings in public places. However, he had been calling for their names repeatedly from the moment he left the stage. Jeonghan was unaware of what his mouth was automatically saying, yet everyone else could hear very clearly. Too caught up in their concern over the beta’s health, those unmated alphas did not figure out the problem, but the omegas knew this too well.

If Jeonghan was feeling sick, he would not just call _some particular names_ like that.

His act of calling these names was obviously getting these alphas severely agitated and triggered. Even Seungcheol was losing his patience and calmness with the manager. The three omegas could feel the tension coming from the other corner where Seungcheol was arguing to let Jeonghan go home or go to the hospital instead of bringing him to the destination of their next activity in the schedule of tonight.

Jeonghan had opened his eyes, but he did not say anything except those alphas’ names. He sounded like whimpering, and this fact made their stomachs churn. It meant Jeonghan was starting to feel the pain – _the cramp_ – and the desperation of having his alphas by his sides.

Should they let the alphas know the truth now? Or this could be just a false alarm? Jihoon and Dino could not bring themselves to believe that Jeonghan could become an omega now, while he was already almost twenty five years old. On the other hand, Seungkwan knew better than anyone what was going to happen. He knew the time was coming. Jeonghan’s first heat was close, extremely close now.

However, after a minute of thinking deeply, Seungkwan did not think he should tell everyone too soon about this. Those men were unmated alphas. If Jeonghan was in heat, they would surely feel his striking pheromones and smell his sickly sweet scent and right away. The amount of scent-blocker Jeonghan was using was not enough to cover what an omega in heat could release. Moreover, it was very difficult for anyone to randomly think that a beta would present as an omega now. If Seungkwan suddenly spoke out this weird thing, it would be easy for everyone to doubt that he had done something abnormal. What if Jeonghan was just really sick now? Then Seungkwan would ruin everything?

Seungkwan thought he would fight for Jeonghan to bring him home right now. No matter what the outcome would be, heat or not heat, the beta seriously needed to rest. He could not work or do anything else now.

Consequently, Seungkwan dragged the other two omegas with him to where Seungcheol was still arguing with their manager. They did not need to ask to know what Seungkwan was thinking of. They were both willing to help Seungcheol fight for this. Damn the manager. Was he blind? He really thought Jeonghan could still attend the radio show in this state? What for? Maybe they would drag him there and just let him sleep on set like a doll for decoration? So stupid. So ridiculous.

Due to the lack of the omegas’ presence, Jeonghan immediately felt unsafe and his first reaction was to whimper very loudly, demanding them to go back to him. However, his voice was hardly audible in the room where the manager’s and Seungcheol’s voices had started to overshadow everything.

Joshua almost stood up to join the members in order to beat the manager, but right at the moment his hands left Jeonghan’s hair, the beta began to cry. In panic, they hurriedly tried to soothe him with hundreds of sweet words, but Jeonghan shook his head, forcing his eyes open to look at his alphas.

“I’m tired… Want to go home… Home…”

“Okay, okay, Hannie.” Joshua rapidly resumed his task of caressing his best friend’s hair, giving him a kiss on his forehead. “We’ll bring you home. Don’t worry. But I think we need to bring you to the hospital first.”

“Please! I just want to go home.” Jeonghan whimpered and begged in tears, breaking the alphas’ hearts. “I’m fine… I’m just… just tired… wanna go home.”

The alphas kept coaxing Jeonghan into agreeing to go to the hospital but to no avail. The beta did not want to go to that place at all. He simply wanted to go home, but why was it so hard to make them understand that? Why was it so difficult to go home? He misses the feeling of being kept safely and warmly in his own home. That place was heaven on Earth. It was nice to be snuggled in his alpha’s embrace like this too, yet Jeonghan could not feel safe in this environment where there were people who did not belong to his pack. At this point, the beta could not bear being surrounded by those ones anymore.

If he could, he would just dive into Mingyu’s chest right here right now to hide away from this world.

The alphas really had never seen Jeonghan like this. They genuinely thought it would be better for the beta to be brought to the hospital so that the doctors could check what was going wrong with him. Unfortunately, their objection to the wish of going home caused Jeonghan to throw an unexpectedly epic tantrum. The crying beta began to cry and thrash, trying to break free from his alphas’ hole, claiming that if they did not want to bring him home, he would leave now and go back to the dorm by himself. This idea was even a hundred times worse, which made the alphas both enraged and frightened. This kind of attitude was not typical of Jeonghan even a bit. The beta had never been this unreasonable. Jeonghan had always been the one who knew what was good and what was bad for him or anyone to do especially when it came to serious problems. They swore everyone could tell a person who almost passed out on stage should be transported to the hospital as soon as possible.

They regretted trying to coax Jeonghan into that. They should have just brought him there without even asking. It was late now. The beta was crying relentlessly and whimpering like a wounded and spooked animal, breaking their hearts, making their skin crawl. Things would be undoubtedly very bad if they left Jeonghan alone in the hospital. Surely, the group could not stay there with him because it was already agonizingly difficult to persuade the manager to leave Jeonghan out of the radio show. It was impossible for all of them to disappear from the show.

They once thought of calling his family, but they soon got rid of that idea, because Jeonghan was negatively saying _“no”_ to every option except for letting him go home. He kept shaking his head, crying, whimpering quietly, pushing his alphas away even though he did not really want to do that at all.

When Seungcheol came to the bench where Jeonghan was staying and making a whole mess, the leader could not hold back a grimace at the sight, wondering how badly the other alphas had messed up. Seeing the eldest man showing up, Jeonghan instantly threw his two arms towards Seungcheol and called out the leader’s name in his broken voice. Stunned and heartbroken, Seungcheol quickly bent over so that he could hug Jeonghan, and the beta could hug him as well.

“I want to go home!” Jeonghan sobbed on his alpha’s shoulder. “I’m really tired. I just want to go home. Don’t bring me to anywhere! I just want to go home!”

“Please just do what he wants!” Seungkwan could not help getting annoyed by the alphas’ attitude. He was nearly screaming at them. “What the hell are you waiting for? Just bring him home! Right now! That’s what he wants! We can check how he is after we finish the show. He will be okay at home!”

The other omegas started to help Seungkwan convince the alphas and betas that this was the best choice right now because it would just break Jeonghan’s heart even more if they forced him to stay in the hospital in this condition. Maybe he was just exhausted. Maybe he could not bear working anymore and his body simply wanted to rest. Jihoon and Dino did not really believe Jeonghan was sick. As a result, they both agreed to let the beta go home instead of going anywhere else. Doctors could not help him anyway.

Maybe… they would not be able to think of him as _“a beta”_ any longer.

For now, the three omegas all silently decided that they would not tell the other members about their thought too soon, in case Jeonghan was just too tired and had a meltdown. Surprisingly, right at the moment Jeonghan heard that his wish of going home was granted, he immediately stopped crying, and he lied silently in his alpha’s arms again – this time in Seungcheol’s arms. They took turn to stay with him while the members speedily changed their clothes before leaving this event location. Jeonghan was not whimpering or letting any sounds. He stayed still and listened to Seungcheol’s questions without saying a word.

The leader had to give up, unable to get anything from Jeonghan’s mouth. He had not thought that forcing the beta to talk now would be more difficult than persuading the manager to let him rest. Anyway, he would let himself cool down by not thinking about that anymore. It was already enough to feel worried of a sick Jeonghan. Not only Seungcheol but all of them desperately wished Jeonghan would feel much better after having a pretty long sleep at home.

They kept reminding Jeonghan to call them when something went wrong. The omegas emphasized strongly on locking all the doors and window into the dorm carefully, because they were afraid someone might break into the beta’s room when he… was not a beta anymore. Seokmin even gave Jeonghan the key into his place, telling him that there was some food stored in the fridge and Jeonghan could just take them out to heat up and eat if he wanted to. Jeonghan felt grateful so much that he almost burst into tears although he did not think he wanted to eat.

Everyone was worried.

Because the manager closed the door of the van right after shoving Jeonghan inside, the members were not aware of the fact that the poor beta had started to cry almost right away. There was no one inside the van with him except for the manager, but that was not his family or his pack. Jeonghan only wanted his pack, especially his alphas. As a beta, the manager was completely oblivious to the problem Jeonghan might be having, and he started a lecture which the crying male tried his best to avoid listening to.

Jeonghan covered his ears by both hands to block all the sounds and turned his head to the window even though he just closed his eyes and did not want to see anything either. The manager kept scolding him for various reasons, yet in the end he had to give up, unable to endure Jeonghan’s stubbornness. The manager could not understand what the hell was going on with the angel of the group today and he just felt extremely annoyed by this unexpected meltdown, wondering if Jeonghan was being lazy and faking all of this to get a sleep at home.

Consequently, the manager only escorted Jeonghan to the door of his dorm and did not carefully check his condition. Fortunately, Jeonghan was still sane enough to get inside, locking the door carefully, double checking it before heading to his bathroom.

The first thing Jeonghan wanted to do was getting rid of his clothes and jumping into a bubble bath to get some comfort. Why the hell was his body aching? Why the hell was there a strange feeling between his thighs? Why the hell did everything hurt? Why the hell did he miss his alphas so much?

As Jeonghan took off all his clothes, he finally realized what the weird feelings between his thighs was. Something was trickling down them, slightly wetting the inside of his pants and giving out the scent he knew he had heard of.

The scent of roses.

Jeonghan did not know why, but he spent an hour crying in the bathtub, crying for his alphas, whimpering to himself, wishing for them to come back as soon as possible. He remembered that he had not poured any kind of rose-scented product into the tub, but it only smelled so much like rose here. His lungs were about to explode because of his own scent. The slick was oozing out. He definitely could feel it.

Jeonghan was scared. He only wanted his alphas to be here with him right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess you know what will happen in the next chapter. Yeah. It's JEONGHAN'S HEAT COMING!
> 
> The heat hasn't come but I feel bad for him already >< Of course the other members will go home soon but temporarily still feel bad for an omega struggling in heat alone T_T Don't mind me. I have a huge soft spot for Hannie and my heart breaks for him ><
> 
> Please feel free to let me know about your opinions on this chapter. I'm always eager to know how you think or feel about it.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading ^^ Please take care of yourself, try to make you feel comfortable and happy. Love you~~~


	8. “You’re our omega, Yoon Jeonghan. Ours. Forever.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fifth bite sent Jeonghan’s mind into darkness, yet that was the precious peace he eventually got for himself after those hours of torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyyy I managed to post it early this time ><
> 
> I won't say what I'm going to warn you about this chapter but just consider this as a warning ;_;

It was difficult for the members to focus completely on the radio show.

The betas were not too much affected because they could not feel any pheromones or scents anyway. Besides, Vernon and Soonyoung were the same since they were mated already. Mated alphas were just intensely attracted by their mates only. It was possible for them to detect the scent and pheromones of an omega in heat but when things just started like this case, they could barely register any difference. However, the mated omegas were deadly worried as they all understood how hard it would be for an omega to endure his heat alone. It was pretty good that Jeonghan was at home now, which meant he could go nesting as he wanted and do everything with the place. Nonetheless, the absence of the whole pack could do harm to his heart. They just wanted to run back home and give him a lot of love. Even if Jeonghan was not in heat and he was just sick, they still wanted to shower him with care and affection. Mother instincts of the omegas were always the best and warmest things.

They would try to concentrate more on their work if Seungcheol were strict to them now and scolded them for spacing out from time to time. Unfortunately, today the leader also lost his spirit. It was obvious that all of the unmated alphas were on edge during the whole three hours of their last activity of the late night. They got angry at any smallest troubles and even a cheerful person like Jun showed his anger on his face. Joshua did not want to talk to anyone, even Seungcheol or Seokmin. Wonwoo was usually even colder and quieter whenever he was angry. Today was one of those days; he barely opened his mouth or gave anyone a glance.

Meanwhile, Mingyu refused to put his phone down whenever they had a short break. The manager was about to snatch his phone away but Mingyu’s angry glare was powerful enough to make the beta manager reel back and change his mind. Mingyu was not usually like this.

“Why doesn’t he answer the phone?” Mingyu groaned in frustration and asked the other members. “He replied to my text but never takes the calls.”

“Maybe he’s too tired and doesn’t want to talk.” Seokmin made a very reasonable guess. “But you should stop doing that, Gyu. He’s tired. You must let him sleep. He can’t sleep if you keep texting him like that.”

“I just want to check if he’s okay!” Mingyu bristled and the other betas were startled. They hurriedly pushed the tallest member to sit back down in his chair before he attacked Seokmin.

“Jesus! What the hell is that? Calm down, Gyu. Seokmin is right. You can’t keep calling a sick person. Jeonghan-hyung won’t even tell you to stop calling him so that he can sleep.” Soonyoung sternly stated. “Send him a goodnight, and then stop. Just stop it.”

Situations like that kept happening over and over again. Although nothing happened in the end, the atmosphere was generally uncomfortable. The more agitated the alphas became, the more the omegas were sure that Jeonghan must be coming into his first heat. There was no other reason which might make the unmated alphas so anxious and unstable like this. This was not the first time someone in the group got sick. The subtle pheromones Jeonghan released before leaving must have powerful influence on the men who had romantic feelings for him. Seungkwan guessed if he told Seungcheol the truth right now, the leader would run out of this building to go home immediately, regardless of anything else.

It was a huge struggle for people like Seungkwan, Jihoon, and Dino to keep their mouths shut about this. They had the strikingly strong urge to say it out, yet they all forced themselves to pay attention to other matters rather than just Jeonghan only. The beta, no, _the new omega_ , would be extremely upset if he later found out that his first heat negatively affected the group’s activity. Moreover, how could they explain their sudden disappearance from the show later? The public would hate Seventeen forever for storming out of the radio show in the middle and no one would want to invite them to their program anymore.

Everyone felt irritated just by watching Mingyu struggle to hold back the urge of calling or texting Jeonghan again. Previously, the tallest alpha had already shown them his conversation with Jeonghan. The beta said that after going home, he got some things to eat, then took a bath, and then lied in bed. Jeonghan had repeatedly told Mingyu to focus on his work instead of worrying about him, and everybody considered this as a clear evidence of the beta trying to sleep and telling Mingyu to leave him alone. Later, Mingyu did stop, but he kept staring at the screen, reading the conversation over and over again as if he thought he would be able to detect some lies under Jeonghan’s messages.

Calm people like Joshua and Wonwoo did not show much of their emotions, but their cold silence was enough to tell everything. When the show eventually ended, Jun did not beam or seem to be happy anymore. They all just changed their clothes as fast as possible, and literally ran into the van so as to be transported home rapidly. Nobody talked during the way home, partly because they were worried for Jeonghan, and partly because they were all tired as well.

Nonetheless, everyone decided to stop by to check Jeonghan first. At least, they wanted to take a glance of the beta sleeping peacefully in his bed to know that everything was fine.

Seungcheol was the first one to reach the door into his apartment, and Mingyu was just right behind him. The leader quickly unlocked the door while the other members was still almost ten meters away from them. However, when Wonwoo, Joshua and Jun reached the door, they instantly frowned.

“What the fuck?” Wonwoo mumbled in annoyance while trying to take his keys out from his bag. “Haven’t we always left the door open for the people behind?”

The door into the apartment could only be opened from the outside with the help of the key. Consequently, they had always waited for each other to come into the apartment instead of shutting the door. Surprisingly, after such a long time, Seungcheol and Mingyu suddenly forgot this and just let the door close, ignoring the remaining alphas outside. Wonwoo was utterly annoyed, but he tried to calm down, thinking that the two guys were just too worried of Jeonghan’s condition.

Behind them, Soonyoung and Seungkwan were coming, both confused by the close door. 

Nevertheless, when the door was finally opened, Wonwoo, Jun, and Joshua were shocked by what greeted them. The thick and heady air hit their brains, their lungs, and their minds powerfully, causing them all to reel back, pulling their foot inside immediately in the fastest speed they had ever known of. There was really a strong urge to shut the door right away, because their instincts were triggered all at once by everything happening inside the apartment. This was their territory. They did not want anyone to enter, to see _their omega_ anymore.

“Huh? What the hell?” Seungkwan literally lost all of his calmness now. He began to slam on the door instead of knocking on it after it had been closed and even locked in front of his eyes. “Yah! Open the door! Let us come see Jeonghan-hyung too! Why the hell do you lock the door? Open it! Jeon Wonwoo!!!”

It was particularly Wonwoo’s intention or fault for locking the door; he was the one who opened it, yet just one of the alphas who wanted to lock it and disallow everyone to enter. Receiving no answer, Soonyoung turned nervous and started to slam on the door too, but to no avail. No one in the apartment cared about them any longer.

After stepping inside, Seungcheol was moving cautiously and slowly, still taken aback by the scent of roses filling the whole place, still doubting whether a stranger had broken into the apartment or not, yet Mingyu had bolted faster than a flash, having no doubt about the source of the alluring scent. The young alpha spent no more than five seconds walking across the small hall to reach Jeonghan’s bedroom. Without caring about knocking the door, the alpha violently twisted the door knob, opening it, causing the pheromones and sickly sweet scent to come out like a water out of a broken dam.

The beta’s room had become a huge mess of pillows, clothes, and blankets on his bed, which was a very obvious evidence of Jeonghan trying to build his own nest with the alphas’ belongings which might have a lot of their scents. His effort was so clumsy that the bed did not look like a nice nest at all but perhaps none of them cared. Even Jeonghan could not care at all, because it was already enough for him to be surrounded by what he needed most temporarily to replace for the alphas’ presence by his sides.

In the middle of the mess of clothes and blankets, Jeonghan was curling up, knees pressed close to his chest, arms hugging around his body, and his whole lithe body was shaking under the clothes which were soaked wet and stuck to his skin due to the copious amount of sweat and even _slick_ he had produced. Jeonghan was too caught up with his heat to hear the loud sounds of people running into the apartment and slamming the door of his room, but the scents and pheromones of those alphas woke up his instincts immediately.

His head instantly raised from the pile of clothes, showing his glossy eyes and pink cheeks, while the tallest alpha of the pack stood at the door to stare at him, aghast, growling, and gritting his teeth. At least, this was the last moment of Mingyu trying to hold onto the last piece of his consciousness to ground himself, trying to prevent himself from doing anything stupid. However… what could be stupid? Nothing could be stupid. Jeonghan did not suddenly turn into his enemy. He just all of a sudden became **an omega**.

Seeing the familiar face of the man he loved, feeling the warmth of safety and relief washing through his whole body, Jeonghan tried to drag himself towards the door, but all he could do was just sitting up on the bed, reaching out one arm towards Mingyu, eyes lightening up thanks to the sight of his alpha. Alpha. That was his alpha. Not a stranger. Not a danger. That was his alpha. Jeonghan had been waiting for so long. They were finally home.

Jeonghan tried to spoke, since he wanted to call his alpha’s name, but his throat was so dry. It was so hard to talk. Instead, what he let out was just alike whimpers of pain and discomfort, while Mingyu still stood there with a dark expression which was just slowly getting darker and darker by second. During that whole minute long of Jeonghan struggling to speak, the other alphas had already reached the door, and saw what Mingyu was seeing.

They did not even gasp. Only their eyes grew dark, pupils dilated, pheromones and scents spiking. The sudden change of the air perhaps finally gave Jeonghan enough strength to speak up.

“ _Alpha_ …” He just wanted to call them, yet his word ended up sounding like a mewl, a whine, a plea. “… _please_ …”

Nobody could ever resist that.

The word _“please”_ was not any different from the last straw for the alphas’ resistance. They all pathetically failed in front of their shared partner who had just become an omega without any warning. Their minds broke, and every kind of instincts was awoken.

Outside the door of their apartment, the rest members of Seventeen kept slamming the door, but they did not get any answer. They even tried to call Seungcheol, Wonwoo, Mingyu, or Jun, but no one ever picked up the calls. They had already thrown their own phones out of Jeonghan’s door before doing what they were doing now. The only one who bothered to give them an answer was only Joshua, just right before he also lost his mind like how the other alphas had.

“We can _take care of_ Hannie now. Go home. Don’t disturb us.”

His voice was hoarse, and dark.

Seungkwan screamed for him to keep talking more, but Joshua had already hung up, and then threw the phone to join the fellow alphas in Jeonghan’s bed.

Seungkwan began to cry and collapse in front of the door into the apartment of five unmated alphas and a newly presented omega who was currently in heat.

Everybody knew it was just _hell_ behind the door. Nonetheless, who was they to interfere? Because, this was the private territory of their leader, and the other strongest alphas of the whole pack.

\----------------------------

Jeonghan was in heat, but it did not mean he completely lost the feelings and thoughts of a human being.

After taking the hot bubble bath, he felt a little bit better, but this condition did not last longer than five minutes. He was literally in pain then, seriously in need of lying down or searching for something to alleviate the pain all over his body. However, he was restless. The poor “beta” could not stay still at all. He kept pacing back and forth in the kitchen, and before he knew what the hell he was trying to do, Jeonghan had found himself rummaging through Seungcheol’s wardrobe. Nonetheless, even at this moment, he still did not know what he wanted to get, so he got a huge pile of clothes out of there and brought it all to his own bedroom.

Jeonghan did the same thing to all of the other alphas’ clothes. It was the most convenient to take Mingyu’s and Wonwoo’s clothes since they shared a room, but this fact led to Jeonghan becoming greedy and taking out too many clothes out of the closet. Various shirts and pants were dropped on his way and this problem annoyed him so much. After letting the big pile on his arms join the clothes on the bed, he went back and picked everything, unable to endure letting them scattered around the floor like that.

Jeonghan tried lying down on his bed to check the level of comfort, but it was not enough at all. Again, with a loud groan, he got out, and gradually fetched the alphas’ pillows and blankets from their room. It was not until when Jeonghan buried himself under the thick blankets and pressed his face into those men’s pillows did he realize that he could smell them so clearly.

Now, reality hit Jeonghan fully. His brain finally registered that he was in heat. He had never been supposed to be this slow and stupid in acknowledging his condition. The heat must have driven him crazy. Sighing and whimpering to himself, Jeonghan was at least relieved that everything seemed fine now. He was at home. The door was locked. This place was safe and filled with his alphas’ scents even though they were not here.

Inhaling deeply, Jeonghan tried distinguishing his alphas’ scents, but his mind was too fuzzy to think that much. In the end, he quickly gave up, deciding to focus his special needs first, because he still had not felt enough yet. Turning and tossing madly on the bed, Jeonghan felt so hot, but he did not want to take off his clothes completely, feeling too exposed and vulnerable although he was the only person in this apartment right now.

After five minutes of struggling with discomfort, Jeonghan picked some clothes in the ones he had brought to his bed, taking off his own clothes and replacing them with the ones belonging to his alphas. He put on Seungcheol’s underwear, Wonwoo’s pants, and Mingyu’s shirt. He used Jun’s blanket to cover himself, and then buried his face into Joshua’s pillow. This was still not perfect. Nothing could ever be perfect, yet it was much better than having nothing.

Checking at the clock and sighing as he knew it would be still a lot of time until the group came back, Jeonghan failed to control his emotions. The tears rolled down his cheeks while he just desperately wished he could answer Mingyu’s text by saying that _“I’m not fine. Please come home with me”_. Jeonghan wanted to call the tall alpha and tell him everything, so that Mingyu would know about his conditions and run back home immediately to shower him with attention. The number of times when Jeonghan almost told the truth was countless, yet he was luckily still conscious enough to stop himself from doing such a stupid thing.

He could not ruin Seventeen’s schedule by his own heat.

However, the more Jeonghan struggled to hold back, the more he had to suffer. Sobbing alone in the cold room, he knew he was slowly wetting the mattress by his slick, certainly aware of himself being horny and craving for a dick. Perhaps he could help himself first by masturbating a bit? Jeonghan was not sure. It was unbelievable, but it was true that Jeonghan had never tried to seek for sexual pleasure from his own hands or any kinds of toys. Why would he have to do that while he had already had five young and horny alphas surrounding him every day? As a result, Jeonghan was unsure, or even petrified of the idea of putting his own fingers into his ass.

He missed the touch of his alphas. He disliked using his hands. Masturbation would not bring him the feelings he wanted at this moment. That was the feelings of being loved and taken care of.

Jeonghan seriously wanted someone to be here with him. Someone in his family, or his pack. His parents? No. This was not a good time to call them, because he would make them panic by his dramatic transformation. If it was impossible to call his parents, then there was no one else he could get now, because the whole Seventeen was busy. He had to wait. Jeonghan sobbed harder at the thought, wishing to just call Mingyu or anyone to hear their voice, yet he knew the truth would be revealed immediately because they would be able to hear his sobs and broken voice then.

Consequently, Jeonghan stayed alone in the bedroom, struggling through hours of his first heat without anyone by his sides, and trapped in his horny body with cramps and sweats everywhere.

When the alphas finally came home, Jeonghan had been sobbing so much that he could barely called Mingyu’s name properly. Nonetheless, he actually did not need to say anything to make his alphas start _taking action._

…

They did _help_ him.

However, in the end, this was not the help he wanted.

Things were good at first.

As the first one to reach the door, Mingyu was also the first one to run towards the bed and envelope Jeonghan in his big embrace. It did not take much time for things to become spicy. In less than three seconds, the alpha had turned to kiss the omega madly, stealing his breath away and invading his mouth thoroughly. The other alphas soon walked into the room as well, joining in the bed in the blink of an eye. They recklessly pushed all of the clothes, blankets, and pillows to the ground to make room for themselves, ignoring Jeonghan’s whine of distress. They had just ruined his nest.

Nonetheless, Jeonghan did not have much time to complain, since he was soon overwhelmed by the presence of the five alphas. His head started to spin uncontrollably due to the powerful and heady pheromones released by those men, and his body was perfectly ready to submit. The task of undressing Jeonghan went smoothly since the omega wanted this just as much as his alphas. Soon, Jeonghan was stark naked under the thirsty and lustful eyes of his alphas.

The omega actually had never thought of having a gangbang with all of his alphas on the day he presented, but now he registered that he had been extremely stupid. It was certain that none of them would agree to be left out of this. He had already known them. They were far from being patient and calm men who could willingly resist the desire to fuck their partner into oblivion, especially when Jeonghan was giving off his incredibly appealing scent and seductive pheromones.

The omega wanted to spend more time hugging his alphas or kissing them, but they soon pushed him to lie in the middle of the bed with his back flat on the mattress. Before Jeonghan barely figured out what they were going to do, Wonwoo had rapidly parted his legs to take the space in between. Without asking or any hesitation, the alpha went right to the place where he could get the first taste of Jeonghan’s slick. The sweetness of the omega’s cum was still embed in his mind, enticing him, luring him to try this as well. He knew it would taste just as perfect, and even sweeter.

Jeonghan immediately moaned shamelessly and writhed, whole body on fire, yet finally a little bit satisfied. He eventually got what he wanted after hours of agony. _His alphas’ touch_. The relief and the stimulation brought him to the clouds and Jeonghan could not care about embarrassment even a bit. He knew he was gushing out more and more slick and the sounds Wonwoo was creating down there were extremely dirty, but it was also hot as fuck. The other alphas were severely affected by the sight and the sounds as well, and they did not wait anymore.

When Wonwoo took the place between Jeonghan’s legs, Mingyu instantly scowled, seeming like he wanted to try what Wonwoo was doing too but the older alpha had been faster. Groaning in displease, the younger male had no choice but to seek for another position to try getting a taste of their omega. As a result, he stayed on Jeonghan’s left side, bending down and taking the omega’s cock into his mouth with no warning.

Jeonghan’s moans got even louder and more wanton, yet his mouth was soon sealed by Seungcheol’s lips and his madly passionate kisses. Meanwhile, Joshua and Jun did not let themselves be left out. Getting an agreement with each other, each of them stayed on one of the omega’s side where it was convenient for them to take Jeonghan’s pink little nipples into their mouths and teased them as much as they liked.

Under that insane stimulation coming from every single sensitive parts of his body, Jeonghan soon found his first orgasm, releasing all into Mingyu’s mouth and the alpha was happy to swallow all. However, things were not very peaceful at the moment the two alphas who had got the best things were pushed away by the other alphas so that they could switch positions. Neither of Wonwoo nor Mingyu seemed already satisfied, but they still complied after growling, knowing that Jeonghan’s heat was still here. They would have plenty of time to do that later.

Right now, the first and greatest priority was to mark this omega as theirs forever.

Jeonghan did not know how long it had been until Seungcheol eventually penetrated him easily without spending much time opening his entrance. The omega had been waiting long enough, and the amount of slick he produced was enough for them to do anything.

There was nothing surprising when they silently agreed to let Seungcheol fuck the omega first without fighting, because he was the leader of the pack. However, despite the euphoria of having his alpha’s seeds in his body, Jeonghan was shocked to realize that it seemed like everyone was going to fuck him raw and without protection. He was even more shocked when the knot inflated in his body, and it effortlessly brought him to another orgasm. As his mind was lost in cloud nine, Seungcheol leaned over and bit harshly on the omega’s right collarbone, making him whimper and mewl at the same time.

Jeonghan had never thought that they would do this right at the first night he became an omega. He thought they would wait. He thought it would take time. He had not expected this to come.

Therefore, when the leader looked at his omega’s face, there was a look of fright in Jeonghan’s eyes. Unfortunately, this expression was not acceptable to the alpha, causing him to growl and mumble aggressively.

_“You’re our omega, Yoon Jeonghan. Ours. Forever.”_

This was not the romantic scenario Jeonghan had had in his mind through the past weeks of taking the illegal medicine and waiting for his first heat to come.

Seungcheol had not asked him before biting, and did not show any remorse after doing this or after seeing the shock in his eyes. The other alphas did not bother to stop the leader either. Jeonghan did not dare to move a finger under the intimidating and burning glare of his alpha, freezing completely in terror while Seungcheol was slowly moving away. Already losing patience, Joshua pushed the older alpha not very gently so that he could replace his position between Jeonghan’s legs.

The omega could instantly understand what his best friend was going to do.

Before Jeonghan could protest by opening his mouth to speak or using his hands to push the alpha away, Joshua had already growled and bared his teeth, showing his obvious fury in front of the attitude of refusing to submit. Petrified by the sudden display of aggression from his gentle best friend, Jeonghan lost the last will to speak up for himself, deciding to stay quiet in order to get the last piece of peace for himself.

…

The heat had not been broken yet, which proved why all of the alphas were still severely triggered to the extent where they had lost their minds completely.

It had been only two or three hours, but Jeonghan thought perhaps enduring his heat alone could be better.

The three new marks on his two collar bones and his left shoulder were still bleeding slightly, but it seemed like nobody cared about helping him take care of them. The finished alphas just sat there and watched, while Wonwoo, the fourth one, devoured Jeonghan’s body and marked him up from head to toes, claiming the omega as his, like how the other older three alphas had done.

Jeonghan cried and begged them to stop. He was unable to stay quiet any longer. Did they hear him? Was him too weak to speak louder? Why didn’t they do as he begged them to? Jeonghan wondered why they had to do this to him? Why couldn’t he even get some love and comfort from the men he loved when he became an omega just for them, to be the perfect partner they could ever wish to own in their lives?

Jeonghan could not protest, because he was in heat, and his body was effortlessly defeated by the alphas’ dominance, and because he was scared. When Joshua began right after Seungcheol pulled his deflated knot out, Jeonghan had tried to beg them to give him some time, yet the angry growls shut his mouth completely. The crying omega was thoroughly helpless, tiny, and weak under those feral alphas’ control and threaten.

Right now, it was impossible for Jeonghan to think too much, but his body still knew pain and exhaustion. His mind understood the rejection. They refused to listen to him. They hurt him again. They had no mercy for him, even when he was in heat.

They were just like how they had been in the night they gave Jeonghan the punishment. The omega thought he someone got lost in the past and was forced to endure that terrifying night again. He did not get hit today, but the consequences were not much different. They did not care about his feelings. Wonwoo’s thrusts were not gentle. The alpha’s movement obviously had no care about the fact that his partner had been fucked relentlessly for hours straight without a second of rest. Two knots were already over Jeonghan’s limit. This had been way too far over his limit.

There was still Mingyu to go, but Jeonghan was not sure he could stay awake until that. What could he do? What should he do to let them know that he could not endure this anymore? What should he say to let them understand? What if they hit him again? Jeonghan was scared of Seungcheol’s slap. He was frightened just by thinking of Wonwoo spanking him violently. He trembled at the memory of Mingyu shoving his dick down his throat with no restraint. Even his best friend had slapped him. Even the young alpha he used to dote on had thrown ugly words into his face and contributed to the process of degrading him and destroying him.

Jeonghan’s vision went black when the fourth bite came.

And they just shook him awake, forcing his consciousness back, so that he could keep on watching this torture. The marks hurt. The knot hurt. Even the rough kisses Wonwoo were giving him brought a cruel pain to Jeonghan’s lips. The continuous and endless process of being knotted by dicks after dicks was turning the omega’s physical pleasure into complete discomfort. In tears, the omega guessed his heat would just end right in tonight, after he had nothing left to give. Mingyu had just started, yet Jeonghan was already crying in pain, carrying a broken heart in his exhausted body. This was not a punishment, and Jeonghan was not hit in any ways but it was so much worse than the previous time.

There was no use trying to tell them he did not want this. His body betrayed him over and over again. White cum decorated his own stomach. Jeonghan’s soul knew better than anyone that he had not enjoyed any of the sex he had had with his alphas in his first heat. Nonetheless, there would be no way for him to make anyone believe it. They would throw ugly words into his face again. They would call him a slut. They would degrade and humiliate him. They would say he was definitely a filthy bitch who just wanted to get fucked no matter what the reasons or manners were.

Drowned in distress and agony, Jeonghan did not dare to imagine when this life could ever end. He had created a huge trap for himself to jump into. Jeonghan had had a chance to escape when he had been a beta. Nevertheless, he had destroyed his only way out by turning himself into an omega.

From now on, he was stuck to these alphas till the end of his life.

Or till the day they got bored of him and did not want him anymore, even just for sex, or for any reasons only they knew.

The fifth bite sent Jeonghan’s mind into darkness, yet that was the precious peace he eventually got for himself after those hours of torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Hannie T_T Those alphas really don't deserve him >< They will have to pay for all of this ><
> 
> I'm addicted to torturing my characters so of course you will see Hannie being drowned in pain a lot more in the future.
> 
> Please feel free to let me know how you feel about this chapter :"> Maybe it isn't surprising but I hope it does make you feel the pain ><
> 
> I have an Instagram account which is @luna.moon96 and I post some photos of my little dolls and my trips to the events ^^ Hope to see you there~~~~ I'm open to any kinds of criticism ><
> 
> Thank you so much for reading ^^


	9. Darkness would be peaceful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan had not known how his heat ended until he was told about it.
> 
> Not a single thing went in the way he had planned, or expected, or imagined.
> 
> Not a single thing got better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short update after a quite long period of time.  
> Short and full of angst.
> 
> I was extremely depressed during the nights I wrote this so... the whole chapter is depressing.

When Jeonghan opened his eyes, he did not understand anything.

The surrounding was utterly strange and foreign. This place was not his bedroom in the dorm or his own bedroom at his parents’ house, but he was definitely lying in a pretty comfortable bed somewhere. There was a dimmed light which was gentle enough not to hurt Jeonghan’s eyes as he tried to look around. However, he was startled after just three seconds because of some arms squeezing him so tightly that he thought he was about to be crushed to death.

Everything was so overwhelming for the newly presented omega that he instantly panicked and screamed, unable to understand anything. His foggy mind was unable to figure out who was hugging him and what the dreadful scents around him were. There were incredibly uncomfortable atmosphere weighing heavily on Jeonghan, causing him to feel it too hard to breath, and the arms around his body definitely did not help at all. Frightened, Jeonghan screamed and thrashed, desperately trying his best to push the person or people around him away; he could not breathe. Jeonghan could not breathe. He felt like choking on air, and his body somehow seemed like it was being strangled by something.

Once Jeonghan miraculously escaped from the arms around his body, he was terrified again as his left arm was not capable of moving without feeling a sharp pain right on the wrist. Taking a quick glance, the omega turned pale right on the spot to see the needle piercing through his skin and attached to some kind of weird tube. The liquid in the tube was turning red due to his sudden movements which had caused his own blood to flow out in the wrong direction. The horrible scene pushed Jeonghan even further from calmness and his first reaction was to throw the needle away, screaming louder because of the awful pain his own action brought to himself. Nonetheless, nothing got better. The dreadful scents around him became even a hundred times worse after that, and the pheromones cruelly stopped him from breathing.

Jeonghan was downright hyperventilating now.

The omega did not know what happened after that. Full consciousness only came back to his mind when he realized someone had put an oxygen breathing mask on him, and all the scents were blocked away from his nostrils right away. The pheromones were still so heavy and uncomfortable on him, but his ears managed to hear someone talking very sternly.

“Please, sir! You have to get out! Your son is unable to breathe under your angry pheromones! We know you're worried, but you’re making everything worse here! Please give him time to calm down and get used to this! Please! We will let him see you when you calm down! Your angry pheromones will frighten him!”

The voice slowly became unclear to his ears, and so were the uncomfortable feelings. Oh, so they were the angry pheromones. That was how it felt like to be stuck in a room with someone releasing that kind of horrible pheromones, but who was that? Who was talking? Who was being pushed out? Jeonghan still did not know. His eyes were blurred, and he tried to blink hundreds of times to clear his vision, trying to look around one more time.

A gentle hand was rubbing his chest, helping his heartbeat go back to its normal pace. There was someone crying by his sides. Or perhaps there were two people? Jeonghan vaguely felt like someone else was gripping his arms with both hands and seemed to be crying as well. Why was that? Was he dead? Was he a ghost in the funeral watching his family and friends crying for his death?

No, he could not have been dead yet, because nobody would put an oxygen breathing mask on a corpse. Realizing his mind was coming back and the ceiling was getting clear, Jeonghan tried to turn his head to the left side. His neck hurt, but he kept going on until his eyes caught the image of his mother crying pathetically on the edge of his bed.

The woman just wanted to squeeze her son back into her embrace but the memory about Jeonghan’s reaction stopped her right on the spot. Instead, she just sat there and cried, calling out for her son’s name and grabbing his hand which was scrambling around to find hers. Right at the moment seeing his mother and his sister crying next to him, Jeonghan burst into tears with them and tried to push himself up from the bed. His body ached so much that he whimpered loudly, but Jeonghan did not want to give up before managing to fling himself into his mother’s embrace. His little sister soon joined him on the bed so as to hug him as well. The male omega was then wrapped tightly between both of his mom and sister.

Once Jeonghan was enveloped by the warmth of the people who truly loved him, he did not need to keep himself up anymore. His weak and exhausted body fell limply and leaned against his family members immediately, but they just only held him more tightly. His little sister was a true hero at this moment as she was trying very hard to fix the position of all the wires and tubes connected to Jeonghan’s body while sobbing heavily. The oxygen breathing mask seemed to be troublesome now but they knew it was not good to take if off Jeonghan’s face so soon. Consequently, they kept it there, and showered him with gentle strokes and kisses on his head and his forehead.

It was difficult to tell why Jeonghan was crying, and he was not even sure what had happened to himself either, but he just could not stop crying. In this situation, with broken hearts, his mother and sister could only prioritized the task of trying to soothe him and give him as much comfort as possible.

Half an hour later, Jeonghan eventually lied back on the bed with his head on the pillow and no tears fell anymore. The male omega wanted to hug his mother and sister, but they told him he was too weak to keep sitting up for a long time, so they forced him to lie down and rest. With the mask, Jeonghan was unable to speak. Although there were so many questions in his head, he did not want to take it off, afraid of the overwhelming scents threatening to attack his lungs again.

Fortunately, his sister was tougher than his mother as she managed to get over her sobs and began to explain.

“I guess you don’t understand what’s happening and that’s why you panicked.” She said gently while one hand still held his one and the other one came to caress his hair, making Jeonghan feel as if he was having two mothers. Heaving a long sigh, she hesitated for a little while, then continued when realizing her brother was intensely waiting for a detailed explanation. The anger in her pheromones spooked Jeonghan a little, but the gentle hand holding his kept him calm. “Five bites were too much for you and your body couldn’t handle it. You passed out. They thought you were just exhausted, so they still kept you at the dorm. But then… five hours later, you still didn’t wake up.”

Stopping halfway, the young girl had to wipe her tears by the sleeve of her brother’s hospital gown.

“You’ve been lying in this bed for three days straight.” She choked out a particularly hard sob, wrecking Jeonghan’s heart even worse than how the information about his own condition shocked him. “The doctors had been telling us that you were okay and you were just like that due to the medication they had given to help you get through the rest of your heat in peace. But… but we can’t… none of us can stop worrying…”

Unable to keep speaking, the girl buried her face into Jeonghan’s chest, giving him the chance to hug her tightly without using too much energy to sit up. Letting his sister cry in despair and listening to his mother’s sniffles, Jeonghan silently stared at the ceiling, trying to think about what he had just heard again.

If Jeonghan was not wrong, his heat was finally over, thanks to whatever the doctors had given him. He was weak, but the nightmare was seriously over. No more slick. No more uncontrollably horny feelings. No more _terrifying treatment from the monsters._

A simple reminder of that night caused Jeonghan to suddenly tremble visibly. Even though his mind brought up the topic by himself and none of those alphas appeared in front of his face right now, the effect was still dreadful. His tremor was so strong that the girl was startled and immediately sat up to check what was happening only to be frightened again. Her brother was quickly curling up under the blanket, looking smaller than ever, even smaller than her, as if he thought he would be able to protect himself in that shape of a tiny cocoon. Jeonghan’s hands rapidly came up to hold his own head, moving around to cover any parts of his body he could reach. In less than fifteen minutes from the moment he woke up, he struggled to breathe one more time.

The only lucky thing was that Jeonghan was already having the oxygen breathing mask which helped oxygen got into his lungs without any difficulty, yet the awful feelings caused by psychological problems could not be alleviated by any device. He kept trembling and curling, refusing to look at his sister or mother when they called him, perhaps because his ears could not even hear them. Nonetheless, the further he closed off, the more clearly he felt how much not only his body but also his soul had been damaged and broken.

Without trying to listen to anyone talking, Jeonghan started to feel the pain all over his body, especially his lower part. On his chest, there were five throbbing spots which never seemed to stop reminding him of why they were there. All of a sudden, the memories of the night in the practice room came back together with the first night of his heat. Having no nauseous feelings or headache clouding his mind or hormones making him craving for the alphas anymore, Jeonghan had no way to escape from reality.

They all raped him and literally assaulted him twice.

Or, could he say that they had raped him so many times that he could not even count anymore?

They first crack of Jeonghan’s heart at that night came when they ruined his nest and entered it without asking a single question. They did not care about handling his nest carefully, or even _touching him gently_. Jeonghan felt all the bruises all over his body, too scared of seeing them when he would have to shower later. Was he even capable of walking now? The omega shook violently just by thinking of the feelings he had at the moment they took turn to fuck him and knot him relentlessly. It felt as if everything was replaying again, torturing him one more time. Overstimulation had turned into pain, and then pain had turned into utter fright. Jeonghan had been too scared of them to protest at first, but then he got overwhelmed and the pleas got out of his mouth under no control. He had gone from being helpless to being completely distraught and hopeless.

Nobody had listened to him. They all had bitten him without a care of whether Jeonghan wanted to be their omega or not. If he had not passed out, perhaps they would continue to fuck him when he woke up still in heat.

The word “heat” became a trauma for Jeonghan from that day till the end of his life. “Heat” was the time when all of his alphas became _monsters_. Sobbing and hugging himself tightly, Jeonghan was broken again by his own acknowledgement of himself using his heat as an excuse for those monsters. It did not need his heat to come to turn them into demons. They had already been, and they had already thrown Jeonghan into their golden cage from long ago. He was simply their possession which they would not allow anyone to touch, and they would never allow him to go anywhere.

Disobeying would bring him punishment. Jeonghan had gone through that once.

The crying omega knew his sister and mother were both trying desperately to get some reaction from him but to no avail. He did not want to talk to anyone, even the people that would never hurt him under any circumstances. Jeonghan just wanted to be alone in the darkness, regardless of knowing he would just drown and drown in utter loneliness. Maybe darkness would be peaceful, since nobody else was there. Nothing. Just nothing.

Jeonghan cried and sobbed too hard to realize what was happening around him. He did not know the machine connected to his body was giving alarming sounds which forced his mother and sister to call the doctors right away. He did not know when they arrived, yet he knew he fought very hard and tried in vain to scream when foreign hands touched him. The tremor did not stop. The pain did not stop anywhere – in his heart, on his body, or in his mind. Pain was everywhere. It was so hard to breathe, even when the mask was still on. What was happening? Jeonghan could not figure out, too frightened of the hands touching him while he could not control anything.

In the end, the omega passed out one more time after the doctors gave him an injection, and the machine finally stopped giving off that dreadful sounds which had been announcing his abnormally and dangerously rapid heartbeat. As the doctors concluded this situation to be a panic attack, Jeonghan’s mother hid her face in her daughter and cry her eyes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for making Hannie suffer this much >< It's just my style and I can't help it >< I love him but...
> 
> Aaaahhh this hurts too much >< Do I feel less depressed after writing and posting this???? No... Now I'm coming to the weekend, the worst days of the whole week. I don't know why but I always have horrible mood during the weekends and most of this fic has been written on those days, or Friday, when I know I'm about to go downhill.
> 
> I'm sorry but I have real depression (with doctor's diagnosis, not my exaggeration) and sometimes I really have to talk it out like this >< I'm so sorry for ranting here. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm eager to know how you feel about this chapter. I hope I manage to break your hearts again T_T 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!! I love you!!!


	10. Worthless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan's mental condition kept going downhill, even though he was still safe and away from the brutal alphas.
> 
> He was already broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why but all of my fics take me a month to upload a new chapter now 😭 I'm so sorry ><
> 
> Now I'm back to give you this heavy angst of Hannie~

Jeonghan just wanted to be left alone, but it seemed like no one understood what he wanted right now. The more he tried to close off, the more enraged his father became.

The omega had been kept away from everyone except for his mother and sister for three days straight. Even the omegas in Seventeen had not been allowed to visit him yet, and Jeonghan was not sure where his phone was. He had nothing to do apart from sleeping and watching TV with an empty head. Sometimes it was empty, yet sometimes it was incredibly heavy, and he felt like he passed out instead of falling asleep. Only omega or beta doctors and nurses came in to check his health. They allowed him to have the mask on during his first day, but then gradually helped him get used to the scents of other people with the help of some deodorant. They made the scents lighter so that he would not freak out, and then they would use it less and less until the day Jeonghan was calm enough to react neutrally towards everything.

Certainly, once he had been hospitalized, it was impossible to hide his usage of the illegal pills from the doctors. His family and the company struggled and had no choice but to throw out a huge amount of money to make them shut their mouths and keep the omega away from troubles. Fortunately, money worked in this situation, and Jeonghan only needed to focus on his health only. His mother told him that the company had announced to the media that Jeonghan was sick and needed to take a hiatus without knowing the exact date of coming back. Jeonghan hated this, yet there was nothing else for him to do.

Jeonghan did not even want to return to the dorm, despite the fact that he missed the stage, the performance, and everything else about his career. Nonetheless, it was impossible to do all of these things without facing _those alphas_ again.

That was also what made his father furious right at this moment.

Pulling the blanket to cover his head thoroughly, Jeonghan curled up and used both hands to block his ears, but the annoying sounds of his father’s angry words still came to his ears effortlessly. Jeonghan was crying again, but not because of the pain related to the monstrous alphas. It was because of _his own fear for his father_. Jeonghan had never been able to imagine this scenario yet right now he just wanted his dad to disappear, to get out of this room and stay away from him. The tears kept cascading down his cheeks endlessly as his heart shattered into pieces due to how much he hated his father just because the man was an alpha. Moreover, that alpha did not want to follow his wish. A simple thought like this was enough to make his body curl up further. Jeonghan was fully grown man, yet now he was taking just one-fourth of the hospital bed.

“I didn’t raise you for this, Jeonghan!” The man was literally yelling at his son now, face red in utter anger. “I have no problem with you being an omega but you can’t be that stupid! We all know those alphas raped you! It’s impossible for a consensual mating process to get you end up in the hospital. It’s obscene! I can never accept this! Wake your fucking mind up, Jeonghan! WAKE UP AND STAND UP TO THEM! GO TESTIFY AND TELL THE POLICE WHAT TRULY HAPPENED! TELL THEM THOSE JERKS FORCED YOU TO TAKE THE DAMN PILLS AND RAPED YOU!”

Jeonghan trembled violently, hating how his skin crawled whenever he heard the word _“rape”_. Half of what his father had just said was true, but the omega would never admit it. He just could not. If he did that, the alphas would all be sentenced to prison. Moreover, who was he to blame everything on them? It was not that he was not wrong. Jeonghan escaped the charges he might have faced thanks to using money, so how could he have the rights to force other people to be punished? Jeonghan himself was _unclean_. He knew he had tons of illegal chemicals in his battered body, and perhaps those toxic things had driven the alphas crazy. They would never agree to easily be accused. They would dig into his usage of the illegal medicine to prove that they were seduced by a powerful force they had never been prepared to fight against. Jeonghan would lose this battle and lose everything else.

The alphas’ lives would end. Seventeen would come to an end when there were five alleged rapists in the group, and it was all because of Jeonghan. He would be hated forever by everyone. Drowned deeply in panic due to the horrible thoughts, the omega shook his head vigorously, too frightened of taking those awful responsibilities on his own. He was not strong either mentally or physically. Jeonghan had never desired anything much more than living in peace right now. Why did his father not understand? How many times he would he have to keep on saying this?

“I’ve already told you the truth!” The omega croaked out between heavy sobs, still hiding under the blanket. “I had already discussed it with them before my heat came. We just didn’t know that I would be this weak. They didn’t do anything wrong! I have nothing to testify!”

“You’re lying! I know you’re lying! YOU’RE MY SON! I KNOW YOU CAN NEVER BE STUPID ENOUGH TO AGREE TO LET FIVE ALPHAS MARK YOU RIGHT IN YOUR FIRST HEAT!” The enraged man yelled at his son again, unintentionally causing the omega to tremble more violently. “You can’t let them get away like this! You intend to return to them? Seriously, Jeonghan? You want to be raped over and over again? I’m not broke. I have enough money to press charges against all of them and all of the other stupid kids who didn’t try to save you! You think they will stop? No, son. If you let them get away with this crime once, they will think that it’s easy to control you and keep abusing you! USE YOUR BRAIN, JEONGHAN! WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO TO BRAINWASH YOU?”

Better than anyone, Jeonghan knew no one had brainwashed him. It was his heart which made him stupid and blind for these alphas. Despite what they had done to him, it was still impossible for Jeonghan to watch them suffer in agony. No part of the omega’s heart or mind wanted any kinds of revenge. Would they be touched if he did not get mad at them? Would they apologize to him and welcome him with tears and warm hugs when he returned to the dormitory? The beautiful dream seemed to be like a hallucination, yet Jeonghan decided to live in this surreal imagination, as long as it gave him a little comfort in his mind. Sweet lies did bring happiness. Meanwhile, revenge brought him nothing. Jeonghan did not want to see the police or talk to them about anything.

There was just nothing to talk about.

His mind was already fixed, and nobody could make him change his decision. Jeonghan just wanted to rest, and to be alone.

“Please stop it, dad… Please…” He began to beg and the sobs got even heavier. “Please leave me alone… Please stop it… I don’t want to do anything… I beg you! Please leave me alone! Please… Please…”

Depressed and hurt, the old alpha just wanted to rip his own head off so as to stop this frustration inside his mind, but all he could do was just scratching his scalp violently, not caring even a bit about hurting himself. He wanted to calm down, yet nothing had ever been this hard in his whole life. His beloved son had been terribly hurt both physically and mentally. He understood his son enough to know that Jeonghan was suffering with a tremendous pain in his heart. It was impossible for an omega who had been marked consensually to be this devastated. The old man hated the scent of distress he smelled in the air, and hated the sobs coming from his poor son. Jeonghan was not the kind of person who would cry whenever people refused to listen to him. He only cried this hard whenever the pain was unendurable.

If Jeonghan was calm enough or had a little courage left in himself, he would pull the blanket down to see his father as his ears heard his voice shaking. Instead, the omega just flinched and tried to move away from the hand that had just touched his shoulder. Broken, the alpha in despair tried to touch his son again, desperately just wanting to give his son a bit of solace by this smallest act of affection. It was deadly painful when one day he could not even hug his child anymore.

“Don’t be scared, Hannie. Don’t be scared, my son. Mom and dad are all with you! We can go through everything together.” The man managed to force his words out once he was allowed to touch Jeonghan’s head and stroke it through a thick layer of the blanket. “The doctors said your body obviously had signs of long-term sexual abuse, and they said you aren’t mentally stable either. We need to fix this, Hannie! I know you’re scared of them, but you’re with us now. They can’t touch you. They can’t hurt you anymore! Mom and dad will protect you!”

_“I know you’re scared of them”_

Choking out an extraordinarily loud and strangled sob, Jeonghan was finally forced to admit that _he was scared of those alphas to death_. They were the ones who had had sex with him regardless of his feelings, gang-raping him and hitting him _for a punishment_ and then leaving him crying alone in the practice room, and then biting him without asking even once. They took turn to do it without a care about his wish or condition, as if he was a prostitute for them to use as an object. At least, a prostitute did get money after their work, but what had Jeonghan got after all? **Nothing.** Just a ruined body and a broken soul. They did not love him more. They never treasure him. They never felt the need of treating him tenderly, although anyone including the fans who only watched him from a far distance also knew that Jeonghan was a person with a fragile body and weak health.

They just did not care. If they could leave him alone in the practice room after gangbanging him and beating him, then perhaps there was nothing they could not do to him. Now, they just had more reasons to degrade Jeonghan, because he had become an omega, which meant his ranking in this society had come to its lowest level. They just needed to push out their pheromones or growl aggressively, and then he would be frightened, too scared to disobey their words. They could command him, and he had no choice but to submit. Being submissive to them was the only way left to get along with those monsters. Nevertheless, if Jeonghan came back home to live with his parents and sister who always loved him unconditionally, he would never have to face any danger again.

Despite such positive outcomes, Jeonghan still did not dare to let himself enjoy this kind of luxurious happiness by ruining Seventeen completely. Without reporting the alphas to the police, the only way for him to get away from them was to leave Seventeen forever and live a normal life. Jeonghan believed that was the last thing he ever wanted to happen. Enduring a life with those monsters was undoubtedly a hundred times happier than leaving Seventeen.

Moreover, Jeonghan had never been ready to say goodbye to those alphas forever.

Because no matter what, he loved them. He had always wished to become their mate, and that wish had finally come true now, just in a way he had not expected. What if miracle would happen? Maybe they would shower him with apologies and kisses to beg him for forgiveness. Jeonghan would keep his hope in order to feel easier in the upcoming future.

All of a sudden, Jeonghan was caught off guard when his body was enveloped in the embrace of his father. The old man wanted nothing but to hug his poor son who had been crying and sobbing relentlessly, but the frightened omega could not understand that action in the same way anymore.

His constant fear escalated in the blink of an eye, becoming a whole panic which knocked down his mind completely. Jeonghan began to scream and thrash, unable to know he was actually in a safe place where there was no dangerous threat. There were only him and his father. He only knew that someone had just suddenly captured him and this feeling scared him more than anything else that had happened in the past ten minutes. There was nothing his father could do to calm him down, since the poor man was also depressed and broken, having no idea how to soothe his child and make him feel safe again. He had no choice but to press the red button to call the doctors in, begging them to help his wounded son.

Since Jeonghan was still in a very bad health condition and his heartbeat rate was dangerously high during such panic attack, the doctors had to give him an injection to take away his consciousness, deciding to help the patient in terms of psychology later. There was no use talking to him in this state, and it was even harmful to let his weak body endure these extreme emotions for too long. Soon, Jeonghan’s mother and sister joined the father in the room. They hugged and cried together, pleading the doctors to tell them if there was anything they could do to cure their son and make him happy again.

“I’m sorry but we don’t have enough evidence to accuse the alphas of raping him. We really don’t.” A doctor explained after a long sigh once they had all sat down in the doctor’s office. Only Jeonghan’s sister stayed with him. “If he himself doesn’t even admit they raped him, there’s nothing else we can do. His marks aren’t bleeding. They are completely fine, and this should never happen when the victims are raped and force-bitten. We even have to give him back to his alphas. He belongs to them now.”

“NO WAY!!!” The father slammed on the desk and yelled angrily immediately. “I don’t allow them to come near my son! How can I bring the rapists who have hurt my child to the hospital?”

“But we don’t have enough evidence, sir. I’m sorry about that but this is the truth.” The doctor looked quite devastated, somehow taking the parents’ side instead of those other alphas. “But if they want, they can sue us for taking their omega away from them without proper reasons, and we will certainly lose this battle. You know how things work. Once the omegas are mated, they live under the guardianship of not only their alpha parents but also their alpha mates, and your son now has five mates. Things will gradually become very bad for us and even for him if we keep doing this stubbornly. Is it possible that he was actually not raped? Could this be just a misunderstanding? Maybe he’s unstable like this because of some other reasons?”

“I don’t believe it!” Jeonghan’s father trusted his own belief.

The doctor, who was a male omega, ruffled his hair in slight frustration.

“I know you understand your son, but I think in this case you must follow his wish. He doesn’t want to sue the alphas, and we don’t have evidence to accuse them either. We literally have nothing to do except for taking care of your son’s health and help him get better. We can start by letting the omega members of Seventeen to come visit him. They might have the same thoughts as you, and they will help him deal with the upcoming troubles.”

“I seriously hate all of them now.” Jeonghan’s mother gritted her teeth furiously. “Where the hell were they when those alphas tortured my son? Weren’t they supposed to tell the manager or the company or at least tell us about Hannie’s heat?”

“You can’t really blame them. It was very hard for them to go against five alphas while they had never done that before. Moreover, I don’t think they managed to predict this scenario either.” The doctor tried to calm the parents down. “But I think if they really love your son, they will feel really bad now, and maybe they’re dying to visit him. For now, I consider him calm enough to see some omega friends. Not beta though.”

“Why not beta? They don’t have scents or pheromones!”

“You two have grown up normally so I guess it’s difficult to understand how he’s feeling right now. Please keep it mind that your son presented way too late. It’s already considered to be late for people to present at the age of eighteen. How old is he now? Twenty-five, right? He’s been used to living as a beta for his whole life, but now everything turned upside down and he becomes the person belonging to the lowest rank. It must be overwhelming for him, and the betas can be very frightening as well, since they are on a higher level.” Averting his eyes towards the father only, the doctor sighed again. “I’m really sorry sir. I don’t think I can let you visit him again if you can’t control your anger and refrain yourself from any physical contact with him. His panic attack is too serious. Please don’t ever touch him when he obviously shows that he doesn’t like it. Please don’t force anything on him. Your son is on the verge of breaking completely. You two don’t want to push him over the edge, right?”

“Why can’t this be an evidence?” The woman palmed her own face in despair. “You’ve just said Hannie’s almost broken! He isn’t fine at all! Everyone can see it! Why can’t we use this to press charges against the alphas?”

“It’s useless when he keeps claiming that they bit him with his full consent. He’s a full-grown adult. Although you are his parents, you have no legal rights to control him anymore. Please, listen to me.” The doctor altered from explaining to begging Jeonghan’s parents. “With all of my respect and sympathy for him and for your family, please give up the idea of suing them. I can’t tell what is really good for him, but I know doing this burdensome thing will cause him to suffer more. He doesn’t have the health to deal with that.”

Once again, Jeonghan’s mother burst into tears out of helplessness, and her husband instantly hugged her tightly, whispering a promise of bringing their son back to happiness and make life easy for him again. Right now, they had no choice but to trust the doctor’s contemplation of Jeonghan’s condition. Perhaps the omegas in Seventeen would help him calm down. Perhaps they might bring good news to him, saying that the alphas wanted nothing but to apologize and spend the rest of their lives to compensate for everything they had done to him.

There were so many dreams and wishes in them that their hearts just wanted to explode.

\--------------------------

When Jeonghan woke up, he was extraordinarily relieved to find himself alone in the hospital room. He did not look out of the window, having no care about the time, and having no intention about what to do next. He was so tired that his head was just empty, yet there was some ambiguously uncomfortable feelings in his stomach. Was he hungry? Jeonghan was not sure, wondering when the last time he ate something was. When did he pass out? What time was it now? Jeonghan had no idea about anything, but did not want to check either. It was just so peaceful to be alone, and he did not want to break this tranquility for anything.

Nonetheless, this kind of peace did not last long. A gentle knock on the door irked him to the utmost, but he did not answer anything to that person, simply guessing his family wanted to enter the room without startling him. It was not necessary to speak. Perhaps he would not answer any of their questions either.

A minute later, the door finally opened, and Jeonghan had just turned to lie on his side and face the other direction so as not to see anyone. However, the scents flooding the room immediately told him the identity of the _people_ who had just entered. The sweet and sour scents undoubtedly came from omegas, but those were not the ones of his mother, sister, doctors, or nurses. Starting to feel frightened, Jeonghan thought some strangers had just broken into his room with cruel intentions, yet the loud cries of those people made him change the way of thinking right away.

“JEONGHAN-HYUNG!”

There were at least three people screaming the same thing while running like a flash to the startled omega, causing him to sit up and snap his head towards the door instantly. Jeonghan was stunned to see Seungkwan, Jihoon and Chan ran to him with tears running down their face, threatening to flood the whole hospital campus in just a few minutes. Seungkwan was the first one to reach the bed and jump on it, squeezing Jeonghan tightly in his shaking arms and crying his eyes out on the older omega’s shoulder. Chan and Jihoon joined right after that, also hugging Jeonghan more tightly than they had ever done.

If the three younger omegas had been here in the past few days, they would not dare to crowd Jeonghan like this, but now they were just emotionally overwhelmed when seeing him again. The angel had been originally thin and pale, but now he looked even more awful, much like a ghost with no color on his face. The frame of his body felt so fragile in their arms that they felt as if the omega would fall apart under the force they were using to hug him. Consequently, they all tried to loosen their hold a bit, too afraid of hurting the ill person. Unfortunately, they thought it was already painful enough to see how weak and sick Jeonghan was, yet their hearts only truly broke at the moment they realized the eldest omega was crying as hard as how they were right now. Struggling to make his trembling arms work, Jeonghan tried his best to wrap them around his beloved brothers.

Somehow, Jeonghan thought that the pain he was going through was what his family barely understood, but these omegas could definitely feel for him very well, and he felt an incredible solace from their presence.

Or, he simply felt that, as omegas stuck in the same group with many other alphas, they were as weak as he was. The night they ganged up on him, Jeonghan realized why the omegas had never interfered with the way they treated him. He used to wonder about this, trying to find a reason, but now he understood. They were just too weak and vulnerable to stand up against the alphas, especially when the leader of the pack was one of the bastards, and nobody ever wanted to ruin Seventeen. Even when Jeonghan used to be a beta, he had already been scared of them. Now, the problem was just intensified with him becoming an omega.

Although Jeonghan had thought he would have to spend time soothing the younger omegas, he ended up being the one who needed to be comforted by their intimate hugs and sweet words. While he was leaning against Jihoon’s chest, Chan scrambled to get out of the bed and pick up the plastic bag he had recklessly dropped as running hastily towards his hyung previously. Furiously wiping his tears, the youngest member of the group took out the container in the bag, handing various boxes of banana milk and strawberry milk to Jeonghan, scattering them across the blanket covering the omega’s lap.

“We bought these for you, hyung. We guessed your parents and sister had already given these to you but we still bought to, just to make sure. We hope the milk will help you a little better. It’s good for your health, too.”

“We’re allowed to postpone some schedules too.” Jihoon got a bit calmer, enough to start talking quite normally. “Now with the doctors’ permission, we will come here with you every day, hyung. You won’t be alone anymore. We will spend hours talking to you if you want.”

Nonetheless, no matter how much time had passed by, Seungkwan still cried pathetically, and no one had ever seen him this depressed after years of hardship. Jeonghan felt his own tears gushing out more because of the younger omega’s sobs, and he tried to hug Seungkwan into his chest, telling him that it was not his fault. If Seungkwan had not told him about the pills that day, maybe Jeonghan would still manage to know about it through someone or something else. He tried to soothe the sobbing omega by saying that it was actually safe for him to know about and get the pills through no one else but him only, because in this way, Jeonghan’s safety would be prioritized, and this truth would not be revealed to the media. The angel felt relieved because it was Seungkwan. He felt bad and happy at the same time to see the younger omega crying for him like this.

“Hyung, why are you crying so much like that?” Chan slapped Seungkwan’s arm and complained although tears were still rolling down his own cheeks. “You will make Jeonghan-hyung sad. Stop it!”

“Shut up Chan!” Seungkwan exclaimed in broken voice, arms throwing around Jeonghan to squeeze him possessively. Despite being talkative usually, Seungkwan was strangely quiet now; only his sobs spoke for him.

“Stop it, both of you!” Jihoon demanded in utter annoyance. “This is all about Jeonghan-hyung, not time for you two to bicker. Okay?”

Seungkwan looked like he was about to bristle in a split second but instead the omega just continued to cry and shower Jeonghan’s not only hair but forehead with chaste kisses. Like that, Jeonghan allowed himself to relax and sink into the three omegas’ warmth, temporarily relying on all of them both mentally and physically. For that first reunion, they did not have the chance to talk much, and all Jeonghan heard was their apologies along with their reassurance of their love for him. Contented with those sweet words, Jeonghan slowly calmed down a little, and he suddenly felt so sleepy. The reason was ambiguous, but he did not have the energy left to care. Once closing his eyes, the exhausted omega only wanted to forever remain in this position where he could give his body and his life to the arms of people he loved and trusted.

It was silly of him to easily trust someone again, but Jeonghan was too tired to reason with himself. His heart ached for finding a person to rely on. His family had failed on him by forcing him too hard to fight against the alphas. Temporarily, Jeonghan found peace and vague happiness in these young and loveable omegas. The angel believed they would be his best friends, his lights in the upcoming dark and torturous life of being surrounded by his monstrous mate till the day he died.

A simple thought about those two terrifying nights threatened to bring another panic attack to Jeonghan.

\--------------------------------------

When Jeonghan woke up, the three omegas were still there, sitting on chairs around his bed and chatted quietly. His mother and sister were there as well, making the air and atmosphere sweet and peaceful enough for Jeonghan to feel quite comfortable and safe. Seeing him awake, they all smiled to him lovingly, and quickly set up a table to put the meal they had prepared for him on display. Knowing that Jeonghan did not have the appetite to eat much, they had not made too much food, yet made sure to include a variety of dishes in his meal for him to enjoy. They looked absolutely homemade and Jeonghan knew it had taken them a lot of time to cook.

Without tasting, Jeonghan could even recognize that two of the dishes in front of him had been made by his mother and sister, and this truth made his heart warm. There was nothing better than eating mom’s and sister’s food. Jeonghan had been forced to eat “special food” made by the hospital in the past few days and he was seriously sick of it. It was lucky that he was finally healthy enough to eat normal food now. The smell itself already seemed delicious.

However, among the food, there were things that caused Jeonghan to suddenly feel a pain in his chest. Beside his family’s dishes, there were other ones which must have been cooked by no one but Mingyu and Jun only. They were the only members who were capable of making these good-looking dishes and the smell told Jeonghan they must taste good too. They reminded him of the days when he lived happily in the shared apartment with his alphas. Despite being the person with the lowest ranking in the place, he had never had to cook or prepare any meals in the kitchen. Mingyu and Jun always took the responsibility of cooking and Jeonghan utterly enjoyed the days he woke up without having any schedules to work on, and all he had to do was to sit at the dining table to eat the food his alphas prepared. They never forgot to give him a little bottle of strawberry or banana milk, making Jeonghan’s breakfast always perfect and unforgettable.

Today, he guessed they had known the omegas were visiting him, so they asked the boys to bring the food here. Judging the amount of food on the table, Jeonghan slowly registered that everyone was going to eat with him, which was surprising but surely welcomed. Nonetheless, it also meant the two alphas must have worked hard. Perhaps Seungcheol, Joshua and Wonwoo had helped them too. Jeonghan hated himself for imagining such an unrealistically beautiful possibility but he could not help it. He was downright desperate to think and believe that his alphas were trying to make up for him and help him feel better by their nutritious and delicious food.

Seeing how Jeonghan was staring unblinkingly at the food, Jihoon explained in a soft voice, but still avoided mentioning the alphas’ name directly.

“We specially made these dishes for you. They all are healthy and match your taste well. Just eat comfortably, hyung.”

“We’ll eat together, honey.” Jeonghan’s mother patted his head gently, happy to see him slightly leaning to the touch. “Your health is getting better. The doctors said you can go home in a few more days. Maybe just three days.”

The omega’s breath hitched, and he stared at his mom with wide eyes.

“Go home?” His voice was hoarse and ugly, full of bewilderment, and even fear, which broke everyone’s hearts with no mercy.

“Of course you aren’t going back to work yet, hyung.” Chan quickly held his hand and tried to ease the atmosphere by trying to avoid mentioning the real problem again. All of them knew what Jeonghan was feeling. He must be scared of the idea of going back to the dorm. “Don’t worry. Just take your time and go home so that your parents and sister can take care of you. Your health is the first priority.”

“I forgot to tell you that the doctors said you are already on the first level of being malnourished, oppa.” Jeonghan’s sister told him and held his arm tenderly, looking at him through sad eyes. “You aren’t going anywhere except for our home before you become normal again.”

At this point, Mrs. Jeon suddenly turned to glare at the younger omegas and they all had to duck their heads in shame, trying to avoid her burning gaze. Jeonghan felt like this was not the first time for this to happen, and he rapidly understood it. His mother must be blaming them for not taking care of him well.

Nevertheless, Jeonghan was not surprised to know that he was malnourished. When was the last time he enjoy a meal wholeheartedly? That must have happened before he began taking the illegal pills, and it seemed like a decade had passed since that day. Mentally laughing ironically at himself, Jeonghan wondered how he had wasted his own life, and how it was possible that he had been malnourished without anyone noticing. He would not blame his family, because they rarely met due to his hectic schedule, but the members always had the chance to see him easily. On the other hand, Jeonghan mentally slapped his own face, telling him to wake up and stop blaming other people for his own troubles. He was the one who chose to become an omega without a care about the problems that might happen to his body. He was the one who had not loved himself from the beginning, giving other people the opportunities to degrade him and disrespect him endlessly.

Should he start loving himself over again now? Jeonghan was not sure. He did not feel like he was worthy anymore, because he had literally let down every single person he knew in his life. Even his fans must be unhappy now, because he had to take a long hiatus and they could not see their favorite idol for a long period of time. From the moment Jeonghan woke up in this hospital room, he still had not met the company staff yet, but he knew they must be extremely pissed at the mess he had created.

However, Jeonghan did not have enough strength or energy to speak up his mind and protect the younger omegas anymore either. He just silently picked up his chopsticks and began to eat, nodding and taking anything people gave him to eat, trying to at least please them by finishing this meal obediently. The food had no taste in Jeonghan’s mouth, and even his favorite drink did not seem nice any longer. Everything coming down the omega’s throat was all bitter or dreadfully bland, but he ate very well.

At least, this was how he could make them all smile a little.

When seeing him again, would his alphas smile and feel happy? Or they would be furious because he had made the whole situation get out of their control? Jeonghan was scared that perhaps they were mad, and mad alphas could be the worst thing in this world, especially when they had already become his mates, owning not only his heart but also his body, his soul, and his fate.

Another night went by with Jeonghan crying himself to sleep. Despite the feeling of being lonely and secluded, he allowed no one to join him in bed, and pushed away anyone who tried to soothe or say anything to him. Again, he just wanted to be left alone, to pretend like he was the only existence in this world, or he could be just invisible, so that no one would ever notice him or hurt him anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I myself even don't want to him to go back to the alphas 😭 He's seriously traumatized and broken 😭 He has destructive thoughts and he's depressed 😭😭😭 
> 
> I'm so sad for him 😔 But I still keep torturing him 😔
> 
> Please let me know how you think about this chapter ❤ Thank you so much for reading 💕


	11. Guilt and shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan was finally discharged from the hospital to go home with his parents.
> 
> The hiatus was supposed to help him rest and heal, but things turned out not to be so easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm extremely guilty to post this after two months... I'm really sorry ;_; I tried to finish my other fic which is "Fate is unfair but that's fine" because it had lasted for almost two years and I couldn't allow it to be too long. I only resumed writing this after I finish that one. 
> 
> Moroever, this angst in this fic is really heavy and it really takes me a lot of time to write, because there are many things to consider. I hope you will enjoy this chapter, although it might break your heart TvT

The following week, Jeonghan was finally allowed to go home. Certainly, he went back to his parents’ house instead of going back to the dorm, and his hiatus did not seem to have a clear ending. Nobody could tell when he would be ready to return, and Jeonghan himself was not sure about that either.

Was it possible to work again as a member of Seventeen without living in the dorm or staying in the same room with _those alphas_? A giant place like a concert venue or a studio where there were many other people would be fine, but Jeonghan was frightened to be stuck in the practice room or the dressing room together with _his mates_. Did they even understand the fact that they had hurt him awfully and now he was scared of them more than anyone else in this world? Or they were mad at him for making this a huge mess?

_“You’re ours, Yoon Jeonghan.”_

A statement was cold and dreadful enough to make the omega shiver whenever he thought about it. Perhaps they did not really think they were wrong. Perhaps they were furious now because Jeonghan had affected the group negatively, and they would not even thank him for having not pressed charges against them. They were a bunch of selfish and cruel alphas whom Jeonghan had stupidly fallen in love with.

The omega spent his whole first week at home just sleeping. Jeonghan did not know why he needed that much sleep, but he felt overall exhausted, and there was nothing else he could focus on. Whenever he sat down in front of the TV, his eyes wanted to close. Whenever he picked up a book and sat down in a comfortable armchair, he could only read five pages before his eyes gave up. Sometimes he lied down on his bed with the intention of just taking a short nap at noon, but when he woke up, it was already five o’clock.

Jeonghan’s family let him sleep as much as he wanted, because there was simply no reason for them to make him stay awake. The omega did not really want to eat, yet everyone always made sure he ate enough, following the special diet the doctors had given. In order not to make him feel left out, the whole family ate the same as him: whatever he ate, they ate, too, although this way of eating might cause them to gain weight crazily. Such a trivial thing did not matter to them anymore, because Jeonghan was the greatest priority of everyone in the family.

Once going back home, Jeonghan could no longer avoid the nightmare of looking at himself in the mirror. For the first time after almost a week, the omega finally stood in front of the mirror, shirtless. The only good thing _those alphas_ had done for him was that none of them bit him on a spot that was too hard to cover. Their marks were scattered across his chest, mostly on his collarbones. This meant Jeonghan would not be able to wear shirts with wide collar anymore, but this did not matter. His life would have been screwed if they bit him right on his neck for the whole world to see.

Knowing that the marks had all healed properly and looked fine, Jeonghan did not dare to touch any of them, and he could not even stand staring at them for too long. Quickly putting his shirt on, the omega told himself not to ever look into the mirror without getting dressed properly ever again, because somehow _he hated this_. The marks brought the terrifying memories back to his mind, causing him to feel dizzy and overwhelmed by an awful pain in his chest. It was unbearable, and Jeonghan knew he could not take any further.

Was this his last straw? The omega did not know. Had he broken or not? Jeonghan was not sure, yet he knew that, one more tragedy brought to him by _his alphas_ , **the men he loved** , he would break, and never went back again.

After just a few days of Jeonghan going back home, his friends from high school started to visit since they all heard that the company put him on hiatus due to health issue. It had been fine at first, with only a few beta or omega friends coming to visit him, but Jeonghan was already dreadful to think of seeing his friends who had become alphas. He was nowhere near being ready to see them, even though his own scent and pheromones were already covered by the scent-blocker. Yet, Jeonghan did not want to let those people know he had turned into an omega either. Consequently, the only option was to ask his parents to say Jeonghan was not feeling well and was sleeping whenever an alpha came to the house.

Jeonghan hated this, but his mind never wanted to do differently. Locking himself in his room, the poor omega continuously murmured _“I’m sorry”_ to his old friends.

Fortunately, Jeonghan actually looked horrible enough to make anyone believe that he was severely ill and not in a suitable shape to go to work. His friends did not dare to even lengthen their stay, as they all claimed Jeonghan looked too tired to keep seeing them for longer than twenty minutes. It was true. Fifteen minutes went by and the omega already felt like he could doze off in the middle of their conversation. Thankfully, his friends were considerate and thoughtful, and once they left, the house was always stuffed with more fruits and milk.

Jeonghan fell asleep on the couch before his parents locked the door. It had always been his father carrying him to his bed, and the omega would wake up with a blank mind, struggling for a long while to remember what had happened previously.

After two weeks, the father gave Jeonghan his phone back, giving him the permission to use it. This was not what the doctors had told them to do; they did not mention anything about the cellphone. If the omega had a therapist, they might advise him to stay away from those alphas for a long period of time and avoid using his phone, but Jeonghan just refused to take treatment. Whenever his mother and father put him in a room together with a psychiatrist, the omega shut down completely, refusing to talk, or to even just look at the person who was here to help him. No matter how hard they tried, he stayed silent.

Jeonghan failed to remember how many therapists he had met in the past two weeks. He was determined to stay like this until his parents gave up on the idea of him giving him mental treatment. Jeonghan did not have any special reasons; he just did not want to do it. Once he did not like it, nothing could make him open up or change his mind. His soul was tired enough for him to fall asleep in the middle of a session in which he was sitting in front of a psychiatrist.

When Jeonghan to turn on his phone, he was attacked by a violent wave of notifications. It was so insane that he had turn off the sounds and throw the phone to the nightstand then walking away. He would go back to it later, when the string of notifications stopped showing up frantically on the screen. Lying down, Jeonghan intended to wait for a minute, but a minute seemed to be long enough for his mind and his eyelids. Again, he fell asleep, and when he woke up, his phone had even finished charging, which meant at least two hours had passed.

Nonetheless, knowing that the phone had stopped going crazy bombarded by messages and notifications, Jeonghan suddenly did not really want to check anything anymore. Lying like a boneless body in bed, the omega had a mental battle inside his mind, trying to figure out whether he should just be a coward and stay away from his phone for a longer while or try to face everything now. Jeonghan had never really prepared himself for what he might see from the alphas. What might they have told him in the past few weeks? Did they apologize? Did they know they had been wrong? Had they tried finding out a way to see him? Or did they just live normally without his presence?

Jeonghan spent half an hour debating with himself before finally unlocking his phone to take a look at everything in it. There were only fifty calls from all Seventeen members, but there were five hundreds messages which had not been sent through social media. The whole group literally sent messages directly to Jeonghan’s phone number, as if they expected him to receive all even if he was not able to get access to the Internet.

_“I’m sorry, Hannie. Please let me know how you’re doing. I’m dying to get an update from you.”_

_“I’m sorry, Hannie. How are you now? Are you feeling any better? I heard that you were already discharged from the hospital but we didn’t receive anything other than that.”_

_“I’m sorry, Hannie. I miss you. Please forgive me. If you see this message, please just tell me you’re okay. Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”_

_“I’m sorry, Hannie. Are your marks still bleeding? Are you feeling better? Are you eating well? Please eat a lot. I know you maybe don’t want to talk now but please just let me know if you’re okay.”_

_“I’m sorry Hannie. I’m sorry. I wish I could go there to take care of you, but your dad said he would call the cops if I came to your house. Please just let me know how you are now. Please, Hannie!”_

All of _his alphas_ texted him from five to ten times a day. Every time, they stared the “conversation” with _“I’m sorry”_. The apology was supposed to make Jeonghan’s heart warm a little, but in fact, he felt nothing. The omega’s heart was just empty due to the fact that _his alphas_ did not really seem to understand what they had to apologize for. Jeonghan was not sure if he was overthinking, but he felt like they simply thought they were at fault for making a stupid decision which was marking him all at the same night. They did not talk about _their root problems_. They did not suggest any ways to fix this or promise anything.

Because they could only mark him **once** , and there was nothing else to fix or to promise about.

The worse thing was that, Jun, Wonwoo and Mingyu still had the audacity to call him _“Hannie”_ instead of _“Hannie-hyung”_ after all. This could only mean that they surely would never consider anything different from their omega from _that day_ onwards. Jeonghan had always been lenient on them out of love, allowing those three alphas to call him by that pet name only, but now, it was dreadful as hell. That was how alphas viewed their omega. No matter how much he was older than them, he was just something minor. _He was practically minor now._

It was dangerous, because Jeonghan’s parents actually had no guardianship towards him any longer, but those alphas did. They were the ones who had all the rights to call the police if Jeonghan’s parents kept him for too long and their patience ran thin. The omega had even dug his own way down to hell by _loving these men_ , which made all the marks stop bleeding and look perfectly normal. Nobody could tell when the alphas could not stand waiting any longer. Would they come here to get Jeonghan regardless of what whoever else wanted? The last thing Jeonghan wanted to happen was seeing those alphas again before he felt ready.

When would he be ready? The omega did not know.

The good thing Jeonghan found from his phone was the nice messages his fans had posted online to wish him good health and hope him to come back soon. Many people wondered if Jeonghan was doing well or not, and many fans stated that they wished he could post something so that they could get a little update, or else they would keep feeling deadly worried.

_“Why doesn’t the company give us even an update about Jeonghan?”_

_“I really want to know if he’s okay.”_

_“Is there anything wrong with Jeonghan-oppa? The company’s explanation is so vague. I’m worried there’s something else going on here.”_

_“Even the other members don’t look great recently. Are they worried or something? I feel like there’s some kind of tension between them.”_

_“Jeonghan-oppa, I hope you can read this. Please take a lot of rest and take care of your health! We’re all very worried about you!”_

_“Jeonghan-oppa, whenever you feel a little better, please post something just to let us know you’re fine. Okay??? : <”_

Unfortunately, in the middle of those nice words, there was still one thing which made Jeonghan suddenly feel his heart sinking to the bottom of his stomach.

The fans said that there was _“some kind of tension”_ between the members. Jeonghan did not need to ask any further questions to understand that this kind of atmosphere had been created by no one but him only. During the times the omegas came to visit him, Jeonghan could realize how guilty they still felt and how mad they were towards the alphas, including their mates. Soonyoung and Vernon did not do anything wrong, yet Jihoon, Chan and Seungkwan were all upset because these two alphas did not do anything to help Jeonghan. Overall, they were a huge mess in terms of emotion, which made Jeonghan even doubt whether he wanted them to visit him this regularly or not. He enjoyed their company and their love sometimes, but in other times, it felt overbearing since everybody drowned in guilt and kept saying sorry.

Nonetheless, Jeonghan could not open his mouth to tell them to stop apologizing either. What did he want? The omega did not know. Before thinking about anyone else, he must be aware of the fact that he himself was the biggest mess among all.

Perhaps the best thing and easiest thing he could do right now was to post something on Weverse and tell the fans that he was doing well, like how they wished him to. However, that was the plan for tomorrow, because Jeonghan of this moment did not feel like he had any energy left in himself, and the discomfort had been gradually rising up in accordance with the time he spent reading the messages.

_“I’m sorry, Hannie. I love you. You know that, right?”_

_“Did you enjoy the food Seungkwan brought to you? I wish I could cook and then feed you by myself. I will do that immediately once I have the opportunity.”_

_“I swear we will never do anything inconsiderate like that to you again.”_

_“Can we come to visit you sometimes, Hannie? I really want to come and apologize to you directly, but your dad’s been threatening to kill us all.”_

_“Nobody can call you so I guess you’ve turned your phone off. Will you give us a chance to talk to you when you get better? Please, Hannie!”_

_“I love you. I’m really sorry, Hannie.”_

When Jeonghan threw his phone out of his sight, tears began to cascade down again, although there had been many times in which he thought he had already had enough crying.

Perhaps nothing would be ever enough. He was not enough for his alphas. They would not stop. His love for them would never stop, either.

That evening, Jeonghan refused to eat dinner no matter how much his parents tried to persuade him to. They did not dare to be strict, knowing that their son was too broken to handle harsh words or action, yet their sweet treatment did not work even a bit. The stubborn and depressed omega kept burying himself further and deeper into the big pile of clothes he had put on his own bed.

Judging the scene in her son’s bedroom, Jeonghan’s mother could tell he had been trying pathetically to build a nest on his own, but the struggle had not really given him anything, because the mess on the bed did not resemble a nice nest at all. That was understandable, since Jeonghan did not come to any other members’ bedrooms in the house to collect anything. The male omega only had his own clothes which did not reek of any scents. Due to this lack of comforting scent, Jeonghan had been tossing and turning continuously, pushing a lot of clothes onto the floor and making the situation even worse.

His mother did not know how to help. In pain, she was forced to acknowledge that her son – a mated omega – needed to live with his pack. Jeonghan might belonged to this pack, which meant this family, if he was unmated, yet things changed when he became an alpha’s omega. Family’s scents could only provide temporary and mild comfort. Sometimes, she even believed that Jeonghan had not felt better even the slightest because he was longing for the presence of his alphas.

The situation was just _ugly_. Jeonghan loved his rapists, his abusers. Or, the people he loved turned into his rapists and abused him cruelly.

Jeonghan’s mother still remembered the horrible things a doctor once told her.

_“The operation to get rid of the marks can only be done under one of three conditions. The first one is that the obvious evidence of the marks being created without your son’s consent. The second is that the alphas’ permission. Omegas can’t decide this problem on their own. The last condition is divorce. If a mated and married couple divorce, then the omegas will automatically have the rights to remove the marks without anything other conditions. This is the only way things work. I’m very sorry, madam. Your son doesn’t have any legal rights to ask for this service from any qualified hospitals. I know you can do this illegally somewhere else, but it’s highly dangerous and I always disapprove of that option. I think you know, a badly done operation can cause death. Nothing can be solved once that terrible thing happens.”_

And now, Jeonghan was showing obvious evidence of his inability to live far away from his mates for too long. The mother was sure her son would never talk about that, but he was definitely suffering currently, and the first symptom was his nest. An omega out of his heat would not have the need to build a nest, except for when he felt unsafe in this environment. This was just an ironically painful truth, since both of the parents believed Jeonghan did feel safe to live in this house. It was _his inner omega_ that did not feel safe. Today, something had just broken him down again, and the heartbroken mother desperately wished to find a way to help her beloved child out of this misery.

Nonetheless, the only thing they could do at this moment was not to force him to have dinner. Instead, they prepared a glass of some special nutritious drink which Jeonghan obediently swallowed down his throat. Not waiting for his mom to leave, the male omega croaked out a hoarse _“thank you mom”_ and then covered himself back under the blanket again.

It did not seem like Jeonghan would be ready to work again in one month. Nobody could tell exactly how long his hiatus would last.

…

Jeonghan hated himself to the utmost when he woke up in the middle of that night with a boner and a wet bed.

He had just had a dream. A very bad dream about himself and his alphas. In his dream, he was sleeping peacefully in the familiar bed of his dorm room, yet he was not alone. Jeonghan in the dream was surrounded by all of his alphas who were all stuck together in the bed that seemed to be too small for six people. Nonetheless, none of them cared about that even a bit, and Jeonghan himself was sleeping in their arms, aware of more than one pair of arms wrapping around his body. The air was a mixture of all their scents, and the omega had never known it would feel this comfortable and euphoric to be drowned in this sea of love. The feeling of being loved and treasured turned out to be like this. Jeonghan had always wished to be their precious omega, to be taken care of as the most fragile existence in this world. Perhaps right now he was literally fragile, but as long as they were all with him like this, Jeonghan would believe he was fine and safe.

In the dream, things only heated up when the omega stirred awake, and the closest alpha chuckled quietly before kissing his lips gently. Like a chain reaction, the other alphas began to scatter kisses all over Jeonghan too – on his face, his hair, his neck, his wrists, his shoulders, or his chest. The omega felt their rough hands caressing his skin slowly and sensually, slowly burning up every single cell in his hungry which had been craving for them in the past weeks. Getting dizzier and dizzier by seconds, Jeonghan was not sure who was doing what, simply knowing that everyone was starting to kissing him and touching him at his private and sensitive spots. It was impossible to ignore the hands sneaking underneath his shirt and climbing up on his chest, or the hands which were gradually going through his waistband in order to get to a secret place. 

Jeonghan’s moans were muffled by the lips of one of the alphas, but in fact, his sounds were just being stuck in the thick pillow which he had buried his face in.

Groaning in desperation, the omega kicked the blanket to a side, ruffling his own hair violently in fury. At first, he thought the mattress was wet just because of his sweat, but the truth turned out to be ugly. Although there was no one else in the room, Jeonghan was immensely embarrassed to realize that he had been licking a copious amount of slick. He had always known omegas would produce slick when feeling horny or excited by sexual stimulation, yet he had never been able to imagine his own hole would be crying like this after being touched in his dream. The touch was not even real.

In despair, in anger, the omega got out of his bed in the blink of an eye to change the sheets and also to get rid of his soaked clothes, disgusting of everything despite the knowledge of them being his. Jeonghan did not even know what he was thinking, but he bolted to the bathroom and filled the bath with hot water right after taking off all the clothes. Was it supposed to make him feel better? Of course Jeonghan did not know, but a hot bath was the best thing his stupid mind could think of to appease himself at the moment, or else he would go nuts immediately.

Letting himself be soaked from head to toe in the bath, Jeonghan tried to calm down, to think of anything to make the boner go away, or to make his hole stop leaking, but to no avail. It was impossible to deny the fact that he was horny, and his rim was begging for something to stretch it, to rub against the walls and to hit his prostate roughly. These feelings and desires were actually familiar, since they had come to him just about one month ago. Nevertheless, this familiarity was a nightmare, because a heat was the last thing Jeonghan wanted currently.

No. It could not happen. His doctors had never said that another heat would come to him this abnormally soon. He was just horny. He needed to calm down. Or maybe he just needed to please himself.

That was when Jeonghan decided to finally give in and feed himself three fingers without any previous prep. Actually, it was not necessary to stretch his hole at all, because his own fingers were already slender and dainty, way too easy for his slutty hold which was begging for something to fill it. As this was his first time of masturbating by fingering himself, the omega intended to be gentle, thinking that his body would not appreciate rough stimulation, but it turned out that he did not feel enough with tender movements. Soon, Jeonghan had to be rough to himself, thrusting in and out furiously while his other hand played with his own nipples, and then came down to stroke his own red and hard cock.

The omega’s rational mind did not want to think of the men who had raped him, but at such kind of moment, Jeonghan terribly failed to keep himself as rational as he had always wished to. Instead, images of his alphas and memories of the nights they had spent together flooded his mind in a cruel speed, causing him to bite his own lips extremely hard in order to prevent the loud moans from coming out. Jeonghan could not let anyone in the house hear him. It was embarrassing enough to hear his own wanton sounds echoing around the small bathroom. Jeonghan had never really managed to smell himself, but now, the sweet scent obviously intensified due to the stream of his slick oozing out from his hole.

He smelled like roses. The aroma was sweet, absolutely beautiful just like his own soul and appearance. Nonetheless, the bad thing about it was that, this was a scent that had always been notorious for being exceedingly alluring and intoxicating. It was not just a normally sweet scent, and even the omega himself thought he loved it. Maybe it felt so nice to have a tempting scent? Maybe he would feel proud and more confident of himself when everyone around him loved his scent and found it attractive? Would his slick feel good on the alphas’ tongues since it had not only the scent but also the taste of rose?

A single thought about his alphas’ tongues inside his body brought Jeonghan to his release, making him spill into the water of the bath, dirtying it. Jeonghan should get new water or get out of the tub now, yet temporarily what he could do was just panting and lying limp inside the bath. The orgasm did feel good, but nowhere near satisfying enough. The omega’s hole was desperately clenching around his fingers which had not been taken out yet. The contracting muscles down there were adamantly asking for something bigger and longer to fill him up. Struggling to take his back his breath, Jeonghan thought it would be so nice for him to curl up in the arms of one of his alphas with their knot deep in his craving body.

Their knots were always so big and lasted for so long. Jeonghan had always dozed off easily and quickly once he was knotted, but he was pretty sure the knots usually stayed with him through more than half the night, perhaps because his alphas wanted to keep them connect together through the long night as well. Alphas could control that, couldn’t they? Could Jeonghan ask for a knot to stay calm? Why did it seem to be a kind of pacifier in his mind now? Jeonghan wanted nothing more than a true connection with the men he loved, as he had always heard that alphas never wished to knot any random omegas. They only did that out of love or with the purpose of trying to create babies.

Without his alphas here, Jeonghan had no way to satisfy his own need of being knotted, or even faking this feeling. He did not have any sex toys at home. Jeonghan had left his home to live in the dorm when he was a teenager, and had always come back home during holidays only to rest and enjoy time with his family. Should he buy some giant dildos or butt plugs? Vibrators? No. His parents and sister would doubt right away when a parcel came to the house while they did not buy anything. Even if the names of the products were not shown on the container, they would still have reasons to doubt and guess what they were. Jeonghan was ready to die rather than letting his family know what kind of lewd thoughts and desires he was having now. His father would be angry. His mom would cry again, while his sister would be so disappointed.

The worst thing was that, even Jeonghan himself knew that what he wanted was utterly wrong, and even immoral. What kind of omega wanted their rapists? Was he that slutty to desire their rough treatment? After being raped and forced bitten, he did not even believe he wanted to be knotted by them again, even considering the knots as his pacifiers. Was he insane? The more steady his breath became, the more frustrated Jeonghan was with himself. Soon, the omega burst into tears right in the bath, squeezing his eyes shut tightly to block the sight of the white thick liquid in the lukewarm water.

Jeonghan was so ashamed of himself that he could not sleep for the whole night long.

In the morning, he had no mood for breakfast, but somehow the omega obeyed his mother and dragged himself into the living room with a quite decent appearance. That was how Jeonghan tried to act like he had not done anything wrong yesterday. If he felt guilty to his parents, then at least he had better do something they wanted him to do, so that they could feel happier and more relieved.

They did feel relieved to see their son eat his meal. Jeonghan was malnourished. It was critical for him to eat and strictly follow his special diet to stay healthy. There was nothing special about this meal today, but Jeonghan tried his best to eat a lot, swallowing down anything his mother gave him, slowly but thoroughly. The omega had not done anything quickly recently, and eating was not an exception. Nevertheless, it was considerably better than eating nothing, and smiles of slight happiness soon appeared on the faces of his family members.

Jeonghan’s heart missed a heartbeat when his father’s hand gently patted his head.

“That’s my son! Mom has just bought a lot of strawberry milk for you. Let’s drink a bit after breakfast, okay?”

Looking at his father, Jeonghan instantly felt the awful torturing his heart violently, and his mind just thought about the way he himself did not deserve his parents’ love. They were giving praise to their son who was a disgrace to this family, while he was just being a good son due to the guilt and embarrassment he was feeling deep down his heart. Would Jeonghan be able to hide the dirty thoughts in his mind forever? Would his mom and dad one day find out that he wanted to be with his alphas? Would they ever forgive him if they knew that he still loved them so much and had a steamy dream about them?

Biting his own tongue, his own lips, and digging fingers tightly into his own thighs, Jeonghan tried not to choke on the food, faking an ugly smile to his most beloved people in this world. Despite his effort, the tears still came out and streamed down his cheeks, causing the whole family to fuss over him and ask him thousands of questions. Drowned further and further in shame, Jeonghan shook his head, wiping the tears by his sleeves and faking another smile again.

_“I’m sorry… I’m… I’m okay…”_

In spite of claiming to be okay, Jeonghan choked out a broken sob when his mother started to rub his back gently and give him a kiss on his temple. She told him not to cry, and assured him that everyone loved him so much.

Jeonghan just wanted to be loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry for keeping you waiting, and sorry for hurting Hannie so much T_T
> 
> His situation is too sad and I feel my heart heavy after writing this ;_; So... I won't talk much now and I will wait for your comment to know how you feel about this chapter. Please share the pain to me ;_;

**Author's Note:**

> I write this when my mind is abnormal and I'm not sure when I will update the next one but I hope you will enjoy this fic ^^
> 
> If you have just read my fic for the first time, please kindly check my profile to read my other fic which is "Fate is unfair, but that's fine" to wait until this fic is updated ^^
> 
> Thank you for reading!!!!


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